Tag: Stress

Being Where You Are Now

(Title image: Photo by Shantanu Kulkarni on Unsplash)

Following up on last week’s post where I wrote about the gradual effects of practicing mindfulness and meditation, I wanted to briefly focus on one aspect of this.

It has to do with the process of insulating yourself from situational stressors and the anxiety that accompanies them. These types of stressors have plagued me for a large part of my life.

I’m talking about dealing with, say, bad news that could affect my future. It used to be that an uneasy feeing would overtake me, starting in my gut. Nausea was the most prominent symptom and it would wash over me, with anxiety bulding a nest in my head. From there, my brain would promptly resuscitate the anxiety if it started to fade, like some maniacal defibrillator.

Feeling better? Too bad, time for another jolt of anxiety!
(Photo by César Badilla Miranda on Unsplash)

It was an uncomfortably electric feeling, like getting zapped over and over again.

Now, it’s a little different, and it has to do with the practice I’ve had staying present. Yes, I experience the initial jolt of anxiety, as one would expect. But as the day passes, the absolute intensity of these feelings fades more quickly. And they’re less likely to recur as strongly.

Focusing on the present moment means that your thoughts stay here. And in doing so, it’s easier to compartmentalize the feelings, keeping them further away from your face. They are still around—we are not going to make them suddenly disappear—but they are manageable and somewhat muted.

This presence in the now helps you realize that where you are in this very moment is safe. This one point in time keeps you up and out of potential future and past fears that you might otherwise get lost in. You can perch on this point like you would on the head of a pin (admittedly, this might take some imagination). And so you can hop, moment to moment, noting that things are still okay.

Again, those worries continue to circulate in the background, but they are there and not here now. And all of this gives you space to breathe.

Staying in the present is like perching on the head of a pin, a single moment in time.
(Photo by Sarah Dao on Unsplash)

Interestingly enough, one suggestion for people who are habitual ruminators is setting aside about 10 minutes every day for “worry time”. This is time that you allow yourself to go through all the concerns that you have with the understanding that once your time is up, you set aside the worries until the next day’s session.

I have personally never tried it as I’m not sure it would work with my tendencies, but it is considered an effective strategy for many.

For now, I am consistently returning to the present and compartmentalizing effectively, even bringing in some soothing stories when I need a more dramatic focus shift. Of course, this is not meant to “fool” me into thinking everything is peachy. I’m simply allowing the space I need to keep anxious thoughts from taking over.

“Worth the Wait”: Fruits of Mindfulness

(Title image: Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash)

No matter how long you’ve been practicing meditation, there generally comes a time when you begin to question whether it’s actually doing anything.

For me, it was when I was going through cancer treatment. Granted, I had only started meditating following my diagnosis, but even knowing that it wasn’t like a pill you took to calm yourself, I was kind of expecting “something”.

And I did get “something”, usually with breathwork, which was more distracting myself than anything else, but also tapping ever-so-slightly into the relaxation response.

Take a breath and notice how it feels to breathe. Then take another one. Notice. And keep going like that.
(Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

But the rest of the stuff? Where you focus on sensations in your body? I don’t think it really clicked for me at that time.

It wasn’t until later. And exactly how much “later” it was, I don’t know. Probably long enough that it would be hard to get someone enthusiastic about beginning a meditation practice. To really feel something definite about how my body was reacting differently? Yeah, I would say years of daily meditation. That’s not a great selling point although it does drive home the importance in consistency in practice.

But fast forward to somewhere around now. Over nine years of meditation, some days very calm and focused, other days, well, kind of a struggle to rein in my thoughts. There are a lot of stressors these days, some going as far as disrupting our hopes for the future.

Oh, that uncomfortable “WHOOSH”…that drags you away from the present.
(Photo by Daniel Dan on Unsplash)

If you’ve dealt with anxiety yourself, you may be familiar with that “whoooosh” feeling in your head, when a wave of anxiety hits you. In addition to a chill in my gut, I feel a disconnectedness, like my brain is trying to protect me by taking me out of the situation. I don’t know what to say because I’m not thinking clearly.

Recently, it hit me, however, that I don’t have that experience anymore. As a matter of fact, during a recent heavy conversation that I had been dreading, in the midst of it, I felt remarkably grounded. My words were there and accessible. My sentences were clear and meaningful. I was processing the information in real time. Not rushed, not taken by the wind.

Sure, it was stressful. I was worried about how things would turn out. But the panicky out-of-control feeling was no longer there.

I have no idea when everything changed, but likely it was bit by bit, over the weeks and months and years of practicing breathing through everything.

Experience showed me that even the worst situations can have positive outcomes. Perspective matters.

So, if you’ve ever questioned whether setting time aside every day for quiet contemplation was worth it, I can assure you, yes, it is. It might not be apparent outwardly, but be confident that behind the scenes, things are changing for the better.

What Do I Want, Really?

(Title image: Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash)

A few days before Christmas I was listening to a radio interview with a therapist who was discussing the conflicted feelings that many people might have around the end-of-year holidays.

According to social media and advertisements and whatnot, we’re supposed to feel jolly and festive and full of holiday spirit. But that’s not necessarily the case. Not only can this time of the year feel oppressive with numerous responsibilities (gift buying, preparing elaborate meals, dealing with visitors), the expectations for what this season should look like don’t often match the reality of our actual experiences.

The ho-ho-holidays are not always as jolly as we expect them to be.
(Photo by Al Elmes on Unsplash)

So the therapist was saying that he has is clients ask themselves a couple of questions. The first question is something along the lines of “what kind of a holiday do I want to have?” This is often the holiday that we feel we should be having, the commercialized holiday where every decoration shines brightly, every meal is delicious and every gift is exactly what the recipient truly wanted.

But the second question is “what kind of a holiday do I want to have, really?” This query cuts to the quick—what matters the most to me?

The two questions may have very different answers.

I believe that these are excellent questions to ask. They allow us to step back and truly consider what this time of the year means to us once we remove the bright lights and flashy wrapping paper.

How does the future look?
(Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash)

We can apply that same perspective to our expectations as we head into the New Year. Perhaps it’s time to forgo the usual canned list of resolutions, shake off the voices in our heads and ask the “really?” question.

This is the question that releases the perfectionist pressures that we’ve been carrying with us and instead encourages introspection. It allows us to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes what we really want is not the new car or the promotion; sometimes it’s a sense of peace or stability.

If this seems too vague, then try imagining that it’s now December of 2026 and you’re looking back on the year. How would you like to be able to describe the twelve months you experienced? How do you want to feel? And consider what needs to happen in order for you to feel that way? Are there changes you need to make?

The more clearly you can envision this, the easier it can be to create a path to head there. Take time to feel into this. Write it down and then refer to your notes on a weekly basis.

The year 2026 is just around the corner. What do you want it to be like…really?

Advent 2025: So What Did We Learn?

(Title image: Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

Yesterday was officially the last Sunday of Advent 2025. Today brings me closer to the end of a difficult year. Ehhh, maybe the end of a difficult eighteen months, given that my dad passed away in July of 2024 and I’ve been dodging tough stuff since then. Change is hard and there was a lot of it.

But after all that, here we are. This reminds me of those “things will turn out okay” adages. Sure, in retrospect you can look back at the maze that you picked your way through and see the clear path. But that’s not what it looks like at the start. It’s a series of twisting turns with no guarantees that you’ll get to where you hope to be by the end, and that you won’t suffer in the process.

Ahhhh, the view from the end comes with a satisfying release of stress.
(Photo by Matt Botsford on Unsplash)

No doubt, it’s much nicer being at the end point and having the luxury of saying, “yep, I survived that.” Reminds me of my last chemo infusion or radiation treatment. The hard stuff is over and now we coast to the finish line.

With the last Sunday of Advent, I finally exhale. My thrice-hourly bells (from the Plum Village app) not only remind me to take a deep breath, they make clear that in between those breaths my breathing has been shallow. The realization that I put an imaginary checkmark beside my deep breath (like, “ok, I did my duty”) but then often return to being a spaced-out mess…hmmm, that’s quite humbling.

In the context of mindfulness, we speak of “remembering” and “being awake” to this life. I spend so much time skittering around like a caffeinated squirrel on an ice rink that it seems I need to be taken by the hand and brought back to my senses. The good news is, the present is a very calming place to be because it’s uncomplicated. You only need to deal with that singular point in time that is “right now”.

So this past Advent was a reminder to myself not to get caught up in what’s coming up, not to wallow in what I should have done differently in the past but to pay attention to where I am.

Ok, What Now?

In the interest of riding the groundswell that I’ve established, I’m going to jump on a free course from Deer Park Monastery’s website called Essential Practices of Mindful Living (https://courses.deerparkmonastery.org/c/essential-practices-of-mindful-living). After pressuring myself with time-intensive certifications over the past years, this is a pleasant change. The online course is self-paced (i.e., no rush, no stress) and teaches topics with which I’m already familiar…but I’m a believer in repetition. Practice, practice, practice

So why am I talking about it now and not on New Year’s Day, as is customary? Because I’ve learned that the best time to start strengthening a habit is now. Not at some arbitrary point in the future (like a certain holiday), but right now.

Onward!

Advent 2025: Refusing Good Cheer

(Title image: Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

If you’re following my Advent experience, you’ll know that I had a teensy bit of trouble getting into the swing of things as far as reenergizing my mindfulness practice was concerned. But as I mentioned in my last post, the trick was regular and frequent (3x an hour) reminders to stop, take a breath and return to the present.

This strategy worked so well that these thrice-hourly breaks opened the door for gratitude to seep in. The extra-deep breath slowed everything down and made it easier to notice how “okay” things were around me.

That’s a reminder that I think we all need. So innocently, in casual conversations, I mentioned to friends how I found this Advent practice to be particularly uplifting because it allowed me some time and space, even if only a sliver, to realize there was so much good stuff going on.

And, ok, since I had such a positive experience with my deep breath and gratitude, I (gently) encouraged others to try it.

Psst! It’s that gratitude thing again.
(Photo by Thiago Rocha on Unsplash)

Well, just like unsolicited advice is wont to do, I didn’t get the greatest reaction to what I felt was simply finding light when things feel dark. Many people that I know have worries and hardships and things-to-be-angry-about, and sometimes, when difficulties abound…let’s just say that there’s not a lot of enthusiasm for making yourself feel better.

[Note: I am not suggesting “everything is 100% awesome” toxic positivity! This is about finding little things to appreciate.]

I think it’s very human to resist gratitude at times, especially when you feel you’ve been wronged and might believe that letting go of hurt and anger is like “letting the other side win”, so to speak.

But it is interesting to ponder how we can stubbornly cling to feelings of hurt and agitation if we convince ourselves that making ourselves miserable is how we further our cause. As if nurturing your discontent makes you more focused in fighting for your way. But I’m not convinced that this is beneficial; all it does is increase your stress levels, which introduces physical and emotional repercussions.

Instead, in allowing ourselves to soften and appreciate the good around us, we can lift our spirits. By calming ourselves and creating space, we think more clearly, respond more appropriately and ultimately are more productive.

There’s a lot think about this week—I am amazed at the difference that one little breath timer has made, and I’m so grateful for it.

Try a Little Tenderness

(Title image: Photo by Alin Luna on Unsplash)

This is a bit of a departure from the usual posts. But I was thinking about how my emotions get pushed and pulled during the course of the day…

Suffice it to say, we live in contentious times where people are compelled to take sides. That leads to an environment where we think badly of each other which, in turn, adds an underlying level of stress to our daily lives.

Perhaps you feel it like an annoying irritation, maybe a quickening of the heartbeat or an increase in your blood pressure. Heat under the collar. And suddenly you are imagining what a jerk the other person is.

All that based upon a single interaction. This is an unfair snapshot judgment of people and brings with it the kind of stress I don’t need.

So this is what I do. And I love the instant effect that it has on me.

When I find myself getting annoyed with someone—whether it’s a rude customer service representative, someone interviewed on the news with an extreme political view, even a person who cuts me off in traffic—instead of muttering something hateful under my breath, I pause and think.

What might be going on in someone’s life to cause them to act or think this way?

If you had the kind of day they did, you’d be in a bad mood too.
(Photo by Alex Greenberg on Unsplash)

Did the customer service rep receive bad news at home followed by an interaction with an aggressive customer?

Has the person with distinctly different world views had a frightening personal experience that affected them deeply?

Is the driver who cut me off in a hurry to help someone with a medical condition?

You can say that, no, all those people are just malicious, egotistical jerks. But in reality, they are far more than the two-dimensional view that we have of them. Their lives are as full as ours and they share the same struggles and dreams that we do.

I sit with these thoughts. The “empathy” muscle is an important one to exercise.

For some, this is hard work to do. When we feel slighted, it can be difficult to give someone the benefit of the doubt. And when political tensions are high, some people may feel that being emotionally generous towards someone with views they find odious is like “giving in” to them, letting them “win”.

But you are not losing anything by practicing empathy.

Why do I bring this up? Because this helps give us peace. It makes us less reactive and helps us see things more clearly. It provides space for our brains to function in. It relieves anxiety.

In the end, it makes the world a better place. And we all need that.

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Anger is exhausting. Hate bleeds around the edges. Welcome peace back into your life regardless of whether or not the other person deserves it.

It’s Not a Crisis, It’s an Opportunity

(Title image: Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

So I’ve been playing with another mental challenge.

For the past month, it feels like I’ve been dealing with a lot.

So many things weighing upon me: obligations, deadlines, upcoming responsibilities, health woes. At least I think there are many things.

Lately, I’ve been getting overwhelmed by what needs to be done. I manage to trudge through everything but procrasination becomes harder to resist and a good night’s rest is harder to get. I’m more susceptible to distractions, which end up resulting in more stress because now, of course, I’m getting even less done.

Life can look scarier than it actually is. Awareness illuminates reality.
(Photo by Razvan Sassu on Unsplash)

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

But when I pause and identify the sources of stress, there aren’t that many. The ones that are there expand around their edges, looking bigger than they really are and that creates a crisis in my brain.

If I were a purely mindful creature, I’d be able to notice this immediately and gently put a stop to it. But, alas, I am clumsy human being. Even with all my practice, mindfulness can easily evade me at times when I need it the most.

So for this round of dancing with anxiety, I’m reframing what I’m experiencing as a fortuitous learning opportunity. And it’s a very “safe” one because quite honestly nothing that I’m going through now is life-threatening.

I am not currently dealing with a cancer diagnosis. I am not about to be kicked out onto the street with my life in peril. I am not dodging bombs or searching for missing loved ones.

Instead, I only need to de-escalate what my brain is blowing out of proportion. This is in fact an ideal situation to be in because I can’t get it wrong. The only question is how long this process is going to take. Everything else is time-limited. Sooner or later it will work itself out and I know I’m going to be okay.

Every challenge is another chance to practice mindful awareness.
(Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas on Unsplash)

This is a chance for me to practice shortening the time it takes to notice that no true calamity has befallen me. The more I sit with the things that I’m grateful for, the more I reinforce the realization that not everything that I experience is a stressor and there are so many awesome things that perfuse my day.

And once that realization lands, once I see that my feet are planted on the ground and the din of fears in my head fades, everything feels clearer and calmer.

Why didn’t I do this earlier?

Year 8 Mammogram: Can’t Shake This Feeling

(Title image: Photo by 🐣 Luca Iaconelli 🦊 on Unsplash)

A couple of weeks ago, I had my 8-year 3-D mammogram. To be clear, this is eight years following the original diagnostic 2-D mammogram and ultrasound that identified my breast cancer tumor.

This far down the road, the situation seems much less dire. The mammogram takes place shortly after one of my visits to the oncologist, who does a manual breast exam. So if anything should show up on the 3-D mammogram, it would still be quite early stage.

And at this point in my life, my greatest fear is not something showing up on a mammogram, it’s something showing up on another scan elsewhere in my body, because that would mean metastasis.

I’m busy, busy, busy. Too busy to worry, right? RIGHT?
(Photo by Dan Freeman on Unsplash)

But that was not the case this year. I was preoccupied with other concerns including a car purchase, the upcoming practicum for my yoga4cancer training and an NIH grant renewal for the lab I work in. The main thing that I was thinking of regarding the mammogram was how badly my ribs might hurt as I was pulled closer into the scanner and smushed up against the machine.

And also, how sleep deprived my husband and I would be since we had an early morning appointment. Following which I needed to get to the office, while catching a webinar on the way. Lots of stuff to juggle.

So that’s the mindset with which I arrived at the imaging center. And that’s what was going through my head as I made small-talk with the friendly technician and went through the scanning process.

But then she left the room to bring the scans to the attending radiologist’s attention. Note: at our imagining center, if you are a cancer survivor, the radiologist reads your scans while you’re in the imaging room so that you don’t have to wait for results via phone call, through an online notification or—even worse—via the mail. You get them then and there.

Before the tech left she offered me use of the bathroom. I didn’t need it, but I realized that while waiting for the results I needed to keep my mind busy. Off to the bathroom I went, feeling into my feet as I walked like a good little mindful girl.

My big burning ball of cancer experience has quite a long memory tail!
(Photo by Jacob Dyer on Unsplash)

So again, it’s been eight years. I’ve had quite a few mammograms and other scans in that time. I’ve gotten a lot better about dealing with them and I certainly don’t experience severe “scanxiety” with mammograms.

But when I was done with the bathroom and sat back down in the imagining room with the monolithic mammography machine quietly staring back at me, I wanted to be done with it. I wanted to be dressing and leaving and on my way to the next thing.

Again, it’s been eight years, but I had to grab my phone and distract myself with work emails so that I wouldn’t think about anything else.

EIGHT YEARS, people! Cancer is like a fiery comet with a long tail that is visible for years after the thing itself passes.

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Oh! I got a clean bill of health. Good to go for another year!

An Inspirational, Motivational Snail

(Title image: Photo by Frederick Yang on Unsplash)

There are good weeks and there are bad weeks…and then there are weeks that you’re kind of managing and getting by, but know that your stressors will still be there for a while.

Last week was one of those for me. On the bright side, such days are a perfect time to practice stress management techniques. Notice the ups and downs. Ride them like waves, understanding that they will peak and ebb in a cyclical manner and eventually wash up on shore. All of this can lead to personal growth, even though we might not have wanted such a lesson in the first place.

At the same time, you might be thinking, “Thanks, but I’d like to pass on the personal growth for now.” In that case, maybe what you need is a short video of a snail doing something that seems impossible.

Here’s a little clip a friend brought to my attention that provides “don’t give up” inspiration for those times when you are waaay out of your comfort zone and will be having to pull yourself along for some time to come.

Hope you get as much inspiration out of this little guy as I did. Enjoy!

When ya gotta keep going, streeeeeeeetch…and then stretch some more.

I Thought I Was Doing Better

(Title image: Photo by Merch HÜSEY on Unsplash)

Last week, I met with a friend that I don’t see often. We were talking about what was going on in our lives and he related how he loved where he lived right now, and put a positive spin on everything in his life, even when talking about negative happenings.

He sounded sunny and was handling the tough stuff that came his way.

But then it was my turn to tell him about what I’d been up to. I started describing what I’d been dealing with: my father’s decline and death last year, worries about my mother’s well-being, concerns about the increasing cost-of-living…

My friend smiled at me. The last time he had talked to me, he said, I was stressed about something else. In fact, every time he calls me, there’s some new thing that I’m stressed about.

And of course he’s right. As much as I’ve improved in handling anxiety using all the tools I’ve developed to calm myself down—and, yes, I’ve found success with that—the overarching feeling that I have is that I’m playing whack-a-mole with my worries.

It’s as if I’m trying to regain my footing, but something new comes up and knocks me off balance again.

I admit it. I’m feeling worn out.
(Photo by Anca Gabriela Zosin on Unsplash)

After getting past cancer treatments like chemotherapy and radiation, you’d think that the skies would look brighter and my outlook would be more positive. And for quite some time that was completely true.

But as endocrine therapy wore on and I went through menopause, my spirit suffered. The luster of surviving cancer started wearing off. That’s embarrasing to admit, especially when I have lost friends and family to the disease and know of many others desperately fighting it.

But even being aware of that, my day-to-day seems to have become darker overall. I start the day with energy to get things done but by evening I’m exhausted and sometimes overwhelmed by what’s in front of me.

I know some of this is my own doing. In fact, one of the big, scary changes that I was faced with this year just sorted itself out. It was simpler than I expected (note my previous post). And then my son was admitted to the college he wanted to attend. All these are refreshing successes that I should have spent time basking in. But it didn’t take long for the clouds to gather again.

After hearing my friend’s assessment of me, I am trying to figure out whether what I’m going through is really getting harder? Or have I gradually been losing my ability to pull myself out of a funk? And once the uncertainties are settled, will I bounce back?

I feel disappointed in myself, which is exactly part of the problem. Lack of self-compassion simply compounds the stress. You know the carrot-and-stick analogy? Well, I’ve tossed the carrot and am just beating myself with the stick.

Back to the drawing board.