This is a comprehensive list of posts with a short description for each, in chronological order starting with the oldest. Click on the link to navigate to each post.
My reasons for starting this blog.
Exercise, Eat Right and Get Cancer Anyway
I was doing everything “right” but even that didn’t protect me. With cancer, there are no guarantees.
So, I’m Still Alive. Now What?
When you have cancer, it consumes your attention. At some point, however, it’s time to move on.
What’s All This Then?
Explanation of my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.
What Is Up With My Hair?
A light-hearted look at hair through my cancer journey.
WHY Did I Just Do That?
An odd dream and how it reflects my current reality.
Cancer As Divine Justice?
A provocative (and tongue-in-cheek) explanation for my cancer. Searching for a reason when there isn’t one.
Lifting My Spirits
The importance of exercise and coming full circle in my fitness.
When Deep Breaths Don’t Calm
A different and more effective approach to mindful breathing in times of extreme stress, for instance, before cancer surgery. Just sayin’.
Gratitude For Community
My thankfulness for the health practitioners who supported me through cancer treatment.
A Year With Tamoxifen
Not everyone has a horrible experience with tamoxifen! *raises hand*
The Problem With Pink
Pink ribbons have been effective for raising breast cancer awareness, but for a patient, all that pink can become a bit too much.
This Is Your Arm on Drugs, Part 1
A photo journey of my right biceps through chemotherapy.
This Is Your Arm on Drugs, Part 2
A description of the hits my strength and endurance took through cancer treatment.
Peace In Puzzle Pieces
The emotional comfort of putting together jigsaw puzzles, and photos of the ones I completed.
Memories of Blood, Sweat and Tears
My introduction to K-Pop through the haze of chemo.
I Didn’t Expect THAT: Chemo Port
Part of chemo treatment is getting a port implanted under your skin(!).
I Didn’t Expect THAT: Radiation Tattoos
Wait, I have to get tattooed for radiation treatment?
I Didn’t Expect THAT: Breast Changes
In my case, even after surgery, there was little indication that I’d had a tumor.
I Didn’t Expect THAT: No Body Odor
One of the surprising upsides of cancer treatment! I don’t stink!
I Didn’t Expect THAT: So.Many.Pills
For someone unaccustomed to taking medications, cancer treatment was a shock.
Addendum to So.Many.Pills
The fears of medication side effects.
I Didn’t Expect THAT: Surgical Glue
BEST INVENTION EVER!
As unlikely as it sounds, there are parts of chemo that I miss.
Survivor’s Guilt and “Noel”
Surviving cancer is both a relief and a guilt-ridden burden.
Cancer Patient vs. Cancer Survivor
Passing from the “knowns” of being a patient to the “unknowns” of survivorship.
Treating the Whole Patient
The emotional aspects of cancer diagnosis, treatment and survivorship must be addressed.
Invisible Effects: Chemo Brain
Frustrating cognitive effects of cancer and its treatment.
Invisible Effects: Helplessness
Drilling down into the emotional fallout from cancer’s cognitive effects.
Invisible Effects: Anxiety
Breast cancer and treatment have heightened my reaction to anxiety.
Addendum to Anxiety
Weight loss from anxiety-provoked nausea.
Invisible Effects: Bring On The Waterworks
I’m not crying, you’re crying. Okay, I’m crying and I don’t know why.
Invisible Effects: Body Image, Part 1
But I need breasts to feel like a woman!
Invisible Effects: Body Image, Part 2
Fear of weight gain from cancer treatment.
Invisible Effects: Body Image, Part 3
The difference between what I feared would happen to my body and what actually did.
Invisible Effects: Cancer Ain’t Cheap
Survive cancer but lose your house.
Invisible Effects: Libido, Where Art Thou?
Survive cancer but lose that lovin’ feelin’.
About That Boob Job…
Contrary to popular belief, breast cancer doesn’t necessarily mean a new rack.
Thoughts on Random Twinges
Random weird feelings in the body have me on high alert.
When Is A Haircut More Than A Haircut?
Regrowing hair and establishing a new self-identity.
The Long And Short Of It: Hair Through Chemo and Beyond, Part 1
A photo journey of my scalp through 2017.
The Long And Short Of It: Hair Through Chemo and Beyond, Part 2
The hairy photo journey continues through 2018.
Are We Stigmatizing Cancer Patients?
Recommendations for healthy living send a message that cancer is preventable through lifestyle changes, but it’s more complex than that.
In Honor of Thich Nhat Hanh
Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh is approaching the end of his life. His Plum Village Tradition of Buddhism has influenced my cancer experience.
Waiting To Say Goodbye
A friend and fellow cancer patient has entered hospice. I am in shock.
My friend was in hospice care for two days before passing away from metastatic breast cancer. I wasn’t ready for this.
A Final Word On Risk Factors
One last vent about getting breast cancer in the absence of risk factors – and then I’m done.
The anxiety associated with getting diagnostic scans. It a fact of life for a cancer survivor.
“Random Acts of Kindness” Day
February 17 is a good day to perform an act of kindness…and continue every day from then on.
Letting Go in 5…4…3…2…
With a 3-D mammogram looming on the horizon, letting go of expectations is the best way to shed anxiety, but not the easiest.
View from the Waiting Room
It’s the day of my yearly mammogram. My focus is on the present moment and staying calm in the face of uncertainty.
Another Hairy Situation
A bold new pixie cut unexpectedly reveals my unconscious associations between super-short hair and cancer.
Transitioning from “Frantic” to “Shanti”
I’m caught between my old anxious self and a new calm one. It’s time to move forward.
Mindfulness Apps I Love: “Calm”
Some of my favorite features of the Calm smartphone app.
Mindfulness Apps I Love: “Insight Timer”
A huge library of meditations plus other excellent features are available for free.
Catching Lost Thoughts
Meditation means letting go of thoughts during practice. But chemo brain means they might not return when my session is over, and some of those thoughts are important!
Mindfulness Programs I Love: “Take 5”
An online program offered through work that was exactly what I needed to incorporated mindfulness more effectively into day-to-day activities.
Passing Days One Pill at a Time
My next decade will be marked by taking a daily breast cancer medication. Will those years be spent waiting for the meds to end or achieving something good?
Mindfulness Programs I Love: “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction”
MBSR is Jon Kabat-Zinn’s flagship course on bringing mindfulness into your life. However, being mindful still requires that the student put the effort in practice.
Mindfulness and the College Admissions Scandal
As an alumna of a university involved in the recent admissions scandal, I’ve been rethinking how we pressure students to succeed.
Mindfulness Apps I Love: Plum Village
This is the meditation app of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village tradition of Buddhism — beautiful in its simplicity.
Who Let That Monkey into the Courthouse?
An unnecessarily stressful day of jury duty leads to the realization that I’m letting my monkey mind torture me.
Unpacking the Monkey in the Courthouse; and, Mindful Justice
A reminder that I’m creating the stress that badgers me — and a link to a post by blogger Smilecalm about his experience as a mindful juror.
Between the Past and Future: A Cancer Survivor’s Perspective
Two women I met at a workshop: one who’s just starting her cancer journey and the other who’s approaching her end.
The Magic of Impermanence
Change is unstoppable. If we accept it instead of fighting it, it may lead us to beautiful things.
Keeping Anxiety at Arm’s Length
A method for calming myself with the breath when fears arise.
Chemo Side Effects: My First Infusion
A rundown of all the chemo side effects I experienced for the two weeks after my first infusion.
Getting Through Chemo
A list of suggestions for newly-diagnosed breast cancer patients who are preparing to go through chemotherapy.
A Mini-Guide to Surviving Chemo Brain
Several hints for helping deal with the memory problems and loss of concentration that accompany chemotherapy.
Why I Meditate in Panda Socks
It’s easy to take meditation too seriously — lighten up!
The Impermanence of Green
A cool and wet spring has coaxed masses of wildflowers into bloom. Enjoy them while they last!
Stepping Off and Slowing Down
A walking meditation through the grass offers a mindful contrast to scurrying down a sidewalk.
A Loss…and a Laugh
A seemingly small loss deals an emotional blow until a silly change in perspective brightens up everything.
Cancer’s No Big Deal…Except That It Is
I seesaw between minimizing the effects of cancer and talking about how deeply it affected me.
Pulling Back for a Broader View
When the world feels like it’s closing in on me, I try to pull back for some perspective.
Why Do We Demand Superhumans?
It’s okay to not be able to leap over every obstacle in a single bound.
Sleep, the Ultimate Good
Dr. Matt Walker presents a TED talk on the dangers of not getting enough sleep.
“Fly the Friendly Skies”?
Fears about things I can’t control give way to a “just enjoy life” philosophy.
Shinrin-Yoku – Forest Bathing in New England
A trip to my hometown offers an opportunity to re-discover the beauty of nature.
A door opens up to possibilities. Photos of beautiful New England portals.
A Year and a 1/2 with Tamoxifen: Collateral Damage
The side effects of this drug are weighing heavily on me. And I’m supposed to take it for ten years?!
Permission to Let Go
In the midst of chaos, I realize that being calm is a choice that I make.
Balancing Side Effects vs. Quality of Life
With the increase in survivorship, it’s important to find a treatment plan that doesn’t unnecessarily compromise quality of life.
Gratitude, Every Night
Making a list of things you’re grateful for helps change your attitude about difficult situations.
Do Small Things with Great Love
As Mother Theresa purportedly stated, not everyone can do great things, but…
You know, I used to be funnier…
I want to live my life finding the humor in situations.
Finding Peace Among the Koi: A Visit to Deer Park Monastery
My daughter and I enjoy a Day of Mindfulness, compliments of the nuns and monks of Deer Park.
Cartwheeling Down the Hall
My brain stops me from doing cartwheels in our apartment for fear of hurting myself, even though there’s enough room for it. What a perfect metaphor for my life.
Paying a Compliment, the Happiest Transaction
Research shows that social connections increase our happiness. Offer a sincere compliment and let the good feelings flow.
“The Human Side of Cancer”
This is the book by Dr. Jimmie Holland, considered the mother of the oh-so-important field of psycho-oncology. A highly recommended read!
Releasing Stress Bubbles
In my mind, I place stressful situations into soap bubbles and watch them float away.
How Mindfulness Helps with Exercise Motivation
Focusing on the present can make a challenging workout less daunting.
Two Assumptions I Wish Doctors Didn’t Make About Cancer
Doctors should know better than to make assumptions when it comes to something as complex as cancer. But…
Letting Go, Painfully
Stream-of-consciousness post: Resisting change causes suffering, but the process of letting go isn’t easy.
Sanctuary: Creating A Safe Space
Using beautiful and meaningful imagery, conjure up a calm place for yourself that you can go to during stressful times.
Making Peace with Street Noise
When we reinterpret jarring noises as simply different types of sound, they become easier to endure.
“Dropping Down”: A Meditation Analogy
The cave analogy describes the flowing nature of attention and our freedom to chose to return to the breath, even when tempted to climb “thought-ropes”.
Falling Back Asleep: Nighttime Relief
A few recommendations to help get back to sleep after waking at night, when the thought-gremlins are chasing you.
What Do We Really Know About Cancer?
An end-of-October musing about correlation vs. causation and the mystery that is still cancer.
Today, I Am Strong
Trying to be strong when I don’t feel it.
(Almost) Two Years on Tamoxifen: A Change in Plans
Guess what? I’m officially postmenopausal! So long, tamoxifen!
Pre- vs. Postmenopausal Breast Cancer Risk: There’s a Difference, But Does It Matter?
The risks factors may differ based on menopausal status, but playing it safe by making the healthiest choices possible is always the best tack.
“Don’t Drink the Water and Don’t Breathe the Air”: A List of Breast Cancer Risk Factors
A comprehensive list of the most commonly cited risk factors, according to a number of highly respected organizations. What’s NOT on it?
A New View of Stress That Can Save Your Life
Kelly McGonigal’s TED Talk describes the benefits of reappraising your view of stress.