Month: April 2024

Favorite Calm Things: Music that Soothes

(Title image: Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash)

Let me begin by stating that I have no connection with Jason Stephenson or his YouTube channel, Relax & Rejuvenate with Jason Stephenson, other than that I fell in love with some of the music for which he has posted a (thankfully) loooong version on his channel. Nor am I getting any sort of kickback for writing this post.

The video is called “Happiness Frequency: Serotonin, Dopamine, Endorphin Release Music, Release Negativity”, which is a long title that smacks of click bait and sounds like just about every other positivity-enhancing, negativity-busting title available on YouTube.

But there is something about Jason’s music and this piece specifically. I have used it for yoga, meditation, pre-bedtime wind-down and as a calming backdrop for a stressful day.

What is it about this that is so soothing?
(Relax & Rejuvenate with Jason Stephenson)

I usually don’t put much stock into the claims on these videos. You know, the ones that assure you they can increase positivity, bring you good fortune, pay off your student loans, cure your ingrown toenails and improve your gas mileage. But this one…there is something very special about it.

Everyone I’ve played it for feels the same way that I do, and inevitably, they ask me for the YouTube.

So, I’m curious. Do you have the same reaction? Give it a listen and let me know.

Why Does Mindfulness Have to be Expensive?

(Photo by Mackenzie Marco on Unsplash)

This past January, I was delighted to receive an email from work about a day-long mindfulness class being offered to help usher in the new year. What a great idea! I can think of no better way to launch into another journey around the sun than with a sense of calm and acceptance, and I felt myself puff up with enthusiasm.

But as I scrolled down for more details I saw that this retreat had a price tag. Good feelings gone. It was close to $100.

This was an experience offered by my workplace, presumably so that I could be a more mindful employee, and they were charging for it.

Need I say, work can be stressful?
(Photo by Alex Kotliarskyi on Unsplash)

I understand the importance of investing in yourself. It’s worth more than a monthly Netflix subscription and will get you much farther in life than a daily Starbucks run. Mindfulness experiences are where I want to put my hard-earned dollars.

But this past year was tough. I needed mindful guidance even more, and yet I kept coming across financial barriers.

Why does all this good stuff need to cost so much? Meditation costs absolutely nothing and offers infinite rewards, and yet, there seems to be a vibe out there that you must spend money (the right cushion, the most beautiful journal, the most blissful island retreat, the perfect yoga pants) in order to do this right.

I live in Southern California where the cost-of-living is high and so are many salaries, but not all. And the gap between those who live comfortably and those who struggle to get by is widening. There are so many who could use the grounding and calm that meditation can offer.

At the same time, I completely get that someone like a yoga teacher or a sound therapist in this area is also struggling. In order for them to be able to offer the services that they do, they must cover their costs.

Yeah, I know. All this mindfulness stuff seems to be unnecessarily pricey.
(Photo by Magic Bowls on Unsplash)

So here’s my wish for the remainder of 2024: Hey, workplaces! Yeah, you, the ones who expect a lot from your employees! Make sure they are fully supported in all aspects of wellness. Bring in a meditation teacher or a yoga instructor. Set up a quiet space for people to destress for a few minutes. Don’t expect your workers to shell out part of their paycheck for staying grounded dealing with your expectations.

And for the meditation teachers and yoga instructors and sound therapy practitioners and the like who are actually making a very good living…fine. Do your thing. Charge your prices. I know that trainings and musical instruments and sacred spaces aren’t cheap. There are people who can and will pay a premium for them to get a truly calming and magical experience.

But after that, please. Offer free classes in parks and libraries and community centers. Volunteer your time for a good cause (my favorite has been a charity yoga class at the local Humane Society). Look for opportunities to share your talents in the not-so-bougie parts of town.

It will make a big difference to people who usually are not usually shown such grace.

Patient vs. Survivor: The Impact of a Label

(Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash)

The first devastating realization I had following my breast cancer diagnosis was that I was now a cancer patient. In my mind I immediately went from “happy-go-lucky, fitter-than-average” to “sick beyond belief”.

Except that nothing physical had changed. But my mindset had. And when I found out that my triple-positive tumor was going to require chemo, I knew that everyone else was going to be aware of my hairless, frail status.

Cancer. Patient. I imagined myself pathetic and scrawny, walking around hunched over in a hospital gown with light shining off my bald scalp. Sounds dramatic, huh?

How do your labels affect you?
(Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash)

Recently, however, I learned that there’s been a change in the language surrounding those individuals who have been diagnosed, are undergoing treatment for or have finished cancer treatment. The word “patient” as it relates to someone’s status has been supplanted by “survivor” much earlier in their cancer experience.

This is curious to me because I went through a mini identity crisis after I was done with chemo and radiation–I thought that only then could I start calling myself a (hopeful) cancer survivor. But I was a bit anxious about doing so, because I didn’t know whether I truly deserved that title. I thought that I needed to have some special designation before I qualified as a survivor.

These days, the survivor label is given when you receive a diagnosis. The idea is that while initially we didn’t know your status, now that we’ve confirmed your tumor, you are going through the experience of surviving the disease. As stated on the Cancer.net site, “When people talk about ‘survivorship,’ they are usually referring to navigating their life experiences and challenges resulting from their cancer diagnosis.” Read more about how ‘survivor’ is used here.

This sounds a lot better to me than using the term “patient”. By referring to myself as a patient when I didn’t have any reason to–meaning no physical symptoms–I was imagining myself sicker than I really was, which increased my anxiety levels. That made my entire experience worse and it didn’t have to. I did that to myself (‘cept that I was only using the common labels of the time).

How are you choosing to define yourself?
(Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash)

Instead of putting my energies into dealing with the side effects of treatment, I went down a dark hole.

Language matters! While there’s no doubt that cancer brings on stress and anxiety, terminology can make a difference in your cancer experience and that can either help or hinder you in the process.

So I urge you to consider the words you use to refer to yourself and pay extra attention to how that feels to you. You could be making yourself miserable without even realizing that you have some control over this.

What If We Re-Interpreted Anxiety?

Title image: Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

You may be familiar with the old story about the award-winning singer Carly Simon’s stage fright which prevented her from performing in front of an audience for 14 years.

Performance coach Tony Robbins famously compared her anxious reactions to those of superstar Bruce Springsteen (yes, I realize I’m dating myself) who would describe his physiological responses to going on stage in the same way that Carly did, but he associated them with excitement and not fear.

Anxious responses weigh heavily on us…but what if we could reassign their meaning?
(Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash)

At least that’s how the story goes. And although I think some of this is an oversimplification of Carly’s experience, there is a lot of wisdom to breaking down both performers’ reactions to the point where we recognize that what we feel in our bodies can be interpreted in very different ways based on what’s going on in our heads.

I grapple with this issue myself when I am offered unexpected opportunities that can propel me forward in career and life…but which also cause me agony in terms of my fear of change.

What to do?

What has worked for me is to identify the sensations that I’m feeling. Naming them makes them less overwhelming and it’s a big plus if I can describe what my head feels like, what my chest feels like, what my belly feels like. I try to understand each sensation’s role in creating the overall experience.

Then I try to image that the emotion these individual sensations lead to is one of positivity and excitement. It’s the anticipatory “butterflies in the stomach” from doing something that seems amazing rather than an upset stomach arising from wanting to flee.

And I sit with all those things, bringing in reasoning too: thinking about the positive consequences while allowing the feelings and sensations to be there. Understanding that they are simply sensations and not dangerous on their own–they are physiological responses that evolved to help us out when we needed an extra boost of energy (think “fight or flight”).

Thinking about all the good stuff that opens up to us when we leave fear behind…
(Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash)

I call this reasoning “mental calisthenics”. It takes some massaging and can even get a little metaphysical, but at some point I usually manage to get a grip of that good feeling as if I were gripping the edge of a wall and then pulling myself around to “turn a corner”.

Trying not to overthink it. Just allowing myself to feel into the sensation while giving it a positive spin. And then imagining myself “doing the thing” that I fear…and being good at it.

When particularly anxious, I may even exert myself physically to allow my responses to exercise to meet and match the fast heart rate and breathing that I’m already experiencing.

And that’s about it.

As with meditation, this is a practice and I have to keep reframing the situation in this way to remind myself that change can be unsettling but “unsettling” isn’t inherently negative. It may take a succession of days or weeks to come to grips with the new situation and that’s okay. Patience is the key that leads to progress, and every day that I reframe my sensations is another day that I improve my mental situation.

Hope this helps you too!

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Important: this is not about “toxic positivity”. There are some situations that are truly bad and understandably elicit an anxious response. Rather, this is realizing that our physiological reactions–the ones that evolved to protect us–may be holding us back because we associate them with fear rather than seeing them as the excitement of possibility arising from change.

“Just Listen”: A Simple Meditation

(Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

Wow, 2024 is going by fast! We are now a quarter of the way done with the year and it feels like we just started.

In the midst of the whoosh of weeks flying by, here’s a way to slow things down and get intimate with the present moment. This is a simple little meditation but one that I find to be gloriously soothing.

I often do this in the morning when I awake, still stretched out comfortably in bed. Bringing attention to the weight of my body as it rests on the surface of the mattress. Sinking in.

We usually consider street traffic an annoyance, but it can translate into perfect sounds for a meditation.
(Photo by Derek Lee on Unsplash)

And for this meditation, instead of using the breath as a point of focus, I bring attention to the sounds around me. In my room, outside on the street.

There is a lot happening in this soundscape. We have a sound machine going, an air purifier whirring, cars are driving up and down the street below. The sound envelops me and I absorb myself in it. It feels comforting.

Initially, my attention is open, getting settled and taking everything in. Then I shift my focus from the various indoor sounds to the outdoor sounds, traveling around them one at a time, noticing each different one.

Gradually, I select one sound that I can distinguish and move my attention towards it. I get in close. And the closer I get to it, the more my focus turns to a certain aspect of that sound, a certain pitch or rhythm. And then I zoom in even more and try to stay there.

Inevitably, I’ll notice that my attention has been pulled away by thoughts or other sensations, and when I become aware of this, I gently return to that one aspect of that one sound. Exploration continues in this way until I decide to shift my focus to another sound and do the same thing.

There is beauty and peace in a simple meditation.
(Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash)

It’s a little dance between my thoughts and any given sound. Always returning to the sound.

There are no hard and fast rules to this. The option always exists to pull back from that one sound and open my awareness to everything audible around me. And perhaps instead of finding a specific sound to pour my attention into, I allow the soundscape as a whole to come to me and listen to it as if it were one unit, like a symphony.

This is meant to be uncomplicated and unforced. The idea is to stay present with the sounds around me and notice new textures and dimensions of noises.

I hope you give this a try the next time you find yourself in a perfect spot for it (whether in bed or outside under a tree in the park), and if you do, please let me know how it went!