Month: November 2023

A Different Take on Advent

(Title image: Photo by Niklas Ohlrogge on Unsplash)

For anyone here who has celebrated Advent, you know it as the period of time comprised of the four Sundays (and the weekdays in between) leading up to Christmas in preparation for the arrival of the Messiah. The 2023 season of Advent starts this coming Sunday, December 3rd. [Edit: Many consider Advent to run from Dec 1 – Dec 24, and that suits the purpose of this post also.]

Advent has historically been observed by Christian religious dominations and is marked by the lighting of four candles, one for each Sunday. But it is most famously known by everyone as the four or so weeks before Christmas when you “give up” something.

Advent wreath with four colored candles representing hope, peace, joy and love, one lit every Sunday of Advent. The white candle can be lit on Christmas Eve or Christmas.
(Photo by KaLisa Veer on Unsplash)

Growing up, we’d usually give up sweets during this time, only being allowed a little something each Sunday, with the idea that we would appreciate the candies and cakes at Christmas all the more.

But you know what? I don’t really think it had that effect. That was something geared more towards our stomachs than our souls. Sure, we’d look forward to finally indulging in holiday goodies…but that was about it.

And as the years went on and treats played an ever-decreasing role in my life, I flailed around looking for something else to deny myself. Let’s face it, I was missing the point.

More recently, I’ve turned Advent into a different kind of spiritual opportunity.

So I’d like to offer a most positive way of observing those last weeks of the year for everyone, regardless of religious affiliation. And it has nothing to do with depriving yourself of anything.

Rather, it’s a blissful gift for yourself…and your soul, if you will.

Not everyone lives where the winter weather is warm enough to pick up trash on the beach…but I’m willing to bet that most of us live in a place where we can lend a hand to a charitable organization.
(Photo by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash)

For this Advent, I invite you to commit to several weeks of establishing a new thoughtful behavior. This can look different for everyone:

Perhaps, it’s time to set aside a few minutes in prayer and contemplation, as it suits your own spiritual tradition.

Perhaps it’s an opportunity to commit to volunteering for a charity, giving to others without expecting anything in return.

Perhaps it’s a time to establish a simple meditation practice, a few minutes a day at a specified time.

Perhaps it’s an opportunity to practice daily mindfulness, say, when you make your morning coffee or tea, truly focusing on the process and what the items feel like in your hands.

Perhaps, it’s time to think before reacting, pausing before getting angry and saying something hurtful.

This Advent might be the perfect opportunity to establish a practice of mindful contemplation.
(Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash)

Perhaps this is the time to go through your belongings, a little every day, and gather up what you can give to others in need, or discard if the item is no longer of use to anyone.

Perhaps this is time to think about all the things for which you’re grateful, starting or ending your day in this way. And if there’s nothing that you can be grateful about, then consider what you’re grateful that is *not* happening.

Choosing what to focus on for Advent can be a very mindful process in itself. And after about a month of this practice, you will emerge with a beautiful new habit.

Give it a try and I wish you a beautiful Advent season!

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Please note: I realize that there is a much deeper religious meaning of Advent for Christians, and I’m not trying to minimize that. However, in this time of hyperpolarization when we’re so focused on what sets us apart from those around us, this is a thoughtful way to share the Advent tradition with everyone, with love. And isn’t that the spirit of Christmas?

Even When There’s Nothing to be Grateful for…There’s Something to be Grateful for

(Title image: Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up in the United States this week, I wanted to offer you a funny little story to think about when you feel there’s little to be grateful for.

Although I work from home a lot these days, I had gone in to the office a few days ago to get some things done onsite. It was a hectic day and I ended up leaving later than I expect, and as I walked to the busstop, I was carrying more items than usual, including an umbrella for the sun, a large zippered bag for my water bottle and food I hadn’t had time to eat and held my cell phone connected to a charger in one hand. I was loaded up!

Luckily my purse is backpack-style so I didn’t need to carry it in my hands. And my office keys were on my ID badge, which hung around my neck.

All packed up and ready to go, right?
(Photo by Alexandra Tran on Unsplash)

On the way to the bus, I was preoccupied with things that I still needed to do and concerns about issues at home.

The bus arrived, I got on and put my belongings on the floor at my feet, burying myself in a game on my phone.

NOTHING seemed out of the ordinary, save for someone who sat down beside me and seemed to press against me a bit. But, hey, it’s the bus and there were a lot of people on so it isn’t a completely comfortable ride. That’s okay.

Besides, the guy moved to another seat as people got off on their stops.

By the time we got to my stop, I prepared to get off by collecting my items. And my heart missed a beat: my purse was not there.

I did a double-take. I looked all around my seat. Nope, no purse.

My head started to swim because it seemed obvious that someone had taken it. I rushed over to the driver and told him that I thought my purse had been stolen. He listen to my story, called the dispatch and marked the security video, explaining that I should fill out a police report and let them know the time and bus number…

My mind was a blur as I tried to remember everything that I had in my purse.
(Photo by Nick Noel on Unsplash)

I dutifully wrote down his instructions but I was already thinking of the hours of work that getting my cards cancelled, obtaining a new drivers license, getting new car, apartment and mailbox keys, and everything else would require.

“And now THIS on top of everything else!” I thought to myself as I got off the bus and walked home, feeling dejected and spent.

Before calling the police department I decided to call my co-worker to check my office in case I’d somehow left my purse there.

But I knew that was hopeless. There is no way that I would have walked out of the office without putting on my backpack purse, no way that I would have not felt it on my back as I stood waiting for the bus and absolutely no way that I would not have noticed that it wasn’t there when I put all my belongings by my feet on the bus.

I was wrong.

My co-worker told me that it was on the floor under my desk.

Behold the power of mindlessness! I have no idea how I could have missed all those cues that alert me to presence or absence of my purse, especially when it’s the most important item that I carry. But I did.

Gratitude hides out in the unlikeliest of places.
(Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

However, that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is, suddenly I did not need to call the police department, cancel my credit and debit cards, stand in line to get a new driver’s license, sit and recall everything that I had in my purse and wallet and anything else that I would have spent hours doing.

And I felt a tidal wave of gratitude wash over me, one that would have not experienced if I hadn’t spent the last 20 minutes convinced that someone had stolen one of my most important belongings.

That gratitude came out of nowhere. And it made me think.

If I could muster such a powerful feeling of thankfulness when I realized that something bad that I was sure happened actually hadn’t happened, maybe I could find a way to generate that same feeling without needing to experience the sense of doom beforehand?

In other words, I can be thankful for all the bad things that don’t happen even if there aren’t great things going on at the time.

So this Thanksgiving, my wish for you is to be able to experience sincere gratitude without having to lose your wallet and then find it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

5-Minute Meditation: Lovingkindness with Jon Kabat-Zinn [VIDEO]

(Title image: Photo by Mei-Ling Mirow on Unsplash)

Since we’re in the season of gratitude and mindfulness, it’s a great time to post about Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor Emeritus of Medicine of the UMass Medical School. Among other things, he is the founder of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, which I had the privilege of taking in early 2018.

For this week’s post, I’m including a short, 5-minute guided video meditation by Dr. Kabat-Zinn that was presented as part of his class on MasterClass.com (I was fortunate enough to take this class also). While the subscription to MasterClass is somewhat pricey, the meditation below is free.

The video requires little time investment and will pay back rewards in spades. I hope you enjoy!

This is a beautiful mindfulness meditation for right now.

There are a number of other meditations and talks by him available on YouTube. If you currently don’t have a mindfulness meditation practice, I encourage you to give yourself a gift by looking him up. His videos are the perfect place to start.

“Left Behind”: An Unanticipated Side Effect of Cancer

(Title image: Photo by Denys Argyriou on Unsplash)

Apologies because this might sound like a rant but this topic has been on my mind a lot lately.

When you’re diagnosed with cancer, you learn about the many side effects of treatments.

You will be informed about the physical and even psychological effects that cancer patients deal with, but there are also considerable financial repercussions. Patients may struggle with hospital bills: some lose their insurance coverage, others might never have had any to begin with, those who have coverage may find that it’s insufficient. It’s not uncommon to hear how cancer has driven survivors and their families into bankruptcy.

On top of that, cancer can do a number on your career aspirations for years to come.

Money issues are one of the side effects of cancer that don’t get a lot of airtime…but really should.
(Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash)

In case you think that it’s uncool to complain about one’s career in the face of having survived cancer, let me get this out of the way: being a cancer survivor is a privilege. I’ve written before about how acutely aware I am that I have lasted longer than many cancer patients.

But as the effectiveness of cancer treatments improves, the number of cancer survivors increases and long-term repercussions become a more and more serious consideration, particularly how they affect ongoing quality of life.

For people who are still working out their careers, cancer can derail progress because it plants a huge stop sign in their path.

Think of going into the chemo infusion room: the days leading up to it entail appointments, port placement, purchasing supplies (anti-emetics, anyone?) and in general prepping for being out of commission about a week.

It’s not the time to focus on stressful work deadlines (and most sincere condolences to any patient who has to do that!).

Ironically, as much as I feared infusions, they actually gave me an excuse to focus on myself instead of worrying about everyone else. I posted about that here somewhat sadly that chemo allowed me to rest without feeling guilty.

It was at that point that I’d realized I’d been pushing myself, always expecting more and not feeling like I was measuring up. Chemo gave me a break from that. Which was good…kind of…

But after chemo and radiation came endocrine therapy, so just as I was winding down from one set of side effects, up popped another.

Right? RIGHT?
(Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash)

And all those plans I’d had for myself were put off again and again. Career goals seemed more out of reach because my timeline had shifted.

Well, I’m not stupid, so I changed my career goals. Makes sense, right? Cancer provided a different perspective on things and motivated me in another direction.

But in the wake of cancer treatment, I feel like I’m walking in cement shoes…if it’s not one thing it’s another. I got off aromatase inhibitors (early) and then realized that I was having memory and focus issues. Whether Cancer Related Cognitive Impairment (CRCI) or menopause-driven brain fog, all of a sudden I’m dealing with something else.

It feels as though the train to prosperity has left the station and I was just a little too late to catch it.

Great.

Right now I’m looking at sky-rocketing costs-of-living in a part of the country that literally got expensive around me. Instead of moving up in the world, my family and I are desperately searching for less pricey housing which will put us in worse conditions and a longer commute to work.

And at age 57, when most of my friends are looking at enjoying retirement in the years to come, planning for what they’ll do in their golden years, I’m trying to reeducate myself, shifting into a career that doesn’t make much use of previous work experience.

And it feel exhausting. Sometimes I want to cry.

I want to believe this, I really do. But I don’t think that there’s a reward for surviving cancer beyond simply surviving cancer.
(Photo by Nik on Unsplash)

Yes, I’m happy to be alive. But no, this was not the way I thought things would go. When initially I was told that I had a decent chance of surviving for five years, that was all I could think about. In fact, that was all that mattered.

I wasn’t thinking about the fact that if I managed to live through this, I’d still need to find a way to make a living. And the interruption that was cancer could do a number on that.

At this point, I need to stress that my intention is *not* to try to scare cancer patients into dreading survivorship. Goodness knows, there are enough things to navigate within the cancer experience as relate to the usual treatments that will take your energy and attention.

I wish nothing less for you than 100% remission and many years ahead to enjoy your “survivor” label.

At the same time, I encourage you to remain present and mindful of the fact that you might have to pivot if you’re not already well-established in your career. If things start to change in a direction that’s southward of what you expected, be patient and readjust your expectations. Nuture acceptance and keep an eye on how you can put yourself in a good position to meet the future. And be kind to yourself.

I’m still working on it.