(Title image: Photo by fotografu on Unsplash)
I know this sounds like one of those satirical “de-motivational” messages, but hear me out. I have done a lot of activities at which I was the ‘worst’ in the room. I was convinced that it was “for my own good” and would “build character”. Isn’t that what we’re always told? What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger? We will rise to the challenge?
I went through Yoga Teacher Training as the oldest student, the least flexible one, the only cancer survivor, the only one also working a job while taking care of a family. Ten years ago I had better balance and greater flexibility, but at the time that I took the training, my abilities lagged behind those of the other students.
Yes, I finished the certification. Yes, it was an “accomplishment”. No, it didn’t feel great by the end. My confidence took a beating. I did the same with a specialty yoga certification, one that was very important to me. I was one of the most inexperienced teachers when I did those classes. I paid a lot of money. I put in many hours of effort. Everything took longer because I was always pushing my boundaries. And it sucked.
I have a history of doing things like this (college calculus, I’m looking at you). You know what? It sucked. Yes, I got the experience. But it still sucked. Hey, I survived cancer, my absolute number one biggest health nightmare. I’m still alive and being on the other side of the illness is such a relief. But it still sucks.
I realize that the way I’m supposed to be describing these experiences is that I’ve done difficult things that I’ve struggled through. Sometimes I succeeded, other times I flailed and failed, but I got through it all and came out “victorious”, however, you chose to define it. And I was strong enough to not let it bother me.
However, that would be a lie. It did bother me.
There were times that I dragged myself back to my room at the end of the day, hating what I was doing. Yes, “victorious”, I guess. I would have thought that victory would feel more uplifting. Eventually, however, I realized that it was time to listen to what my insides had been screaming at me all along.
It’s okay to give yourself a break once in a while. Not everything has to be like pulling teeth or doing the old “grin and bear it” to get through it. There will be things that you will have no choice about (anyone who’s gone through chemo knows that), but it’s okay to yell “uncle” when you know the fit is just not right.
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So, I get that perhaps the bigger struggle is to get people to not give up. For the vast majority, it’s too easy not to challenge yourself. That’s an entirely different issue that also needs addressing. But for those of us that have been trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole because we were raised to not back down from challenges, sometimes you need to take a breath and give it a rest.
Frantic Shanti 