Tag: Mindfulness

Breast Cancer: Know When to Say When

(Title image: Photo by Marius Serban on Unsplash)

This is going to be short because I’m on the cusp of moving my family to a new apartment…and that’s going to take more work now that one of our cars is finally having its damage repaired.

So this is a gentle reminder to slow down and look around once in a while. Life’s obligations can push us like a bulldozer and we might not notice that we’re worn out until something happens that forces us into a mini-vacation.

Something, perhaps, like chemotherapy.

Who needs some love? You do.
(Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash)

And if you need a cancer diagnosis (or a broken bone or the flu or…) to give you a break from the pressures of work and family, then I think we can all agree that your mental health needs more love than you’ve been giving it.

Yes, easier said than done. But there are little breaks you can take. A 10-minute body scan meditation or guided breathing practice. A matcha tea break where you focus on the movements of your hands as they prepare your cup. Staring out the window and counting trees/people/cars.

It doesn’t have to be a pricey spa day. You can have a spa inside your head with a phone app and a set of headphones. You just need to care enough about yourself to allow this.

Believe me, I care about you and I don’t even know you. You are the whole reason why I started this blog and why I keep it going, even eight years after my diagnosis. I hope it helps you remember that you are worth being cared for. ❤

Remembering to Do Nothing

(Title image: Photo by Ken Cheung on Unsplash)

I remembered something last night about mindfulness meditation that I’d realized I had somehow forgotten.

I don’t have to do anything when I meditate.

Not strain, nor grip, nor furrow my brow.

The only thing I need to do when I meditate is to exist, and to be aware that I am existing.

I was thankful that I remembered this because I’d been struggling with the concept of sitting and being present for the past few months. I had slipped into the belief that I needed to work at it.

But last night I asked myself, “What would it feel like if I didn’t try so hard? Or at all?”

Simply exist.
(Photo by Jeppe H. Jensen on Unsplash)

If you’ve practiced mindfulness meditation, you know that the guidance is simple and straightforward.

It goes something like this:

“Sit comfortably with a tall spine, alert but relaxed. Take a few deep breaths, stretching upward on the inhale and settling down on the exhale. Soften the muscles of your body starting from your face, moving down the neck, shoulders, torso, arms to the fingers, hips and seat, down the legs to your toes. Then allow your awareness to settle onto a focal point like the breath, tingling in the hands, the hum of an appliance or sounds of traffic in the distance.”

Does that sound familiar? There are of course numerous variations of this. You select an anchor to come back to whenever you realize that you’ve drifted away from the present moment and into the thoughts in your head.

And that’s it. It’s quite basic and yet we find ways to complicate it and make it a strenuous exercise.

You don’t necessarily have to sit, you can lie down or even stand if that works for you (or you’re practicing while queuing up for something).

There are no rules for mindfulness meditation. Yes, there are principles and/or steps to take, but no real way to do it “wrong”. The only thing that would be considered “incorrect meditation” would be going to meditate, but then spending all that time doing something else.

Last night, when I remembered that my meditation didn’t have to be a certain way and all I needed to do was simply to be and to be aware of myself being, it felt like a release. The last year has been difficult and there have been tough things that I have been required to do.

This felt like a gift, that I could rest and think, “Oh, yeah…I don’t have to do anything.” And I was so grateful for that moment.

Why do I make these things so much harder than they should be?

Try a Little Tenderness

(Title image: Photo by Alin Luna on Unsplash)

This is a bit of a departure from the usual posts. But I was thinking about how my emotions get pushed and pulled during the course of the day…

Suffice it to say, we live in contentious times where people are compelled to take sides. That leads to an environment where we think badly of each other which, in turn, adds an underlying level of stress to our daily lives.

Perhaps you feel it like an annoying irritation, maybe a quickening of the heartbeat or an increase in your blood pressure. Heat under the collar. And suddenly you are imagining what a jerk the other person is.

All that based upon a single interaction. This is an unfair snapshot judgment of people and brings with it the kind of stress I don’t need.

So this is what I do. And I love the instant effect that it has on me.

When I find myself getting annoyed with someone—whether it’s a rude customer service representative, someone interviewed on the news with an extreme political view, even a person who cuts me off in traffic—instead of muttering something hateful under my breath, I pause and think.

What might be going on in someone’s life to cause them to act or think this way?

If you had the kind of day they did, you’d be in a bad mood too.
(Photo by Alex Greenberg on Unsplash)

Did the customer service rep receive bad news at home followed by an interaction with an aggressive customer?

Has the person with distinctly different world views had a frightening personal experience that affected them deeply?

Is the driver who cut me off in a hurry to help someone with a medical condition?

You can say that, no, all those people are just malicious, egotistical jerks. But in reality, they are far more than the two-dimensional view that we have of them. Their lives are as full as ours and they share the same struggles and dreams that we do.

I sit with these thoughts. The “empathy” muscle is an important one to exercise.

For some, this is hard work to do. When we feel slighted, it can be difficult to give someone the benefit of the doubt. And when political tensions are high, some people may feel that being emotionally generous towards someone with views they find odious is like “giving in” to them, letting them “win”.

But you are not losing anything by practicing empathy.

Why do I bring this up? Because this helps give us peace. It makes us less reactive and helps us see things more clearly. It provides space for our brains to function in. It relieves anxiety.

In the end, it makes the world a better place. And we all need that.

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Anger is exhausting. Hate bleeds around the edges. Welcome peace back into your life regardless of whether or not the other person deserves it.

Oncology Yoga: It’s Not Just for Relieving Stress

(Title image: Photo by Raghu Nath on Unsplash)

Last week I finished up my 75-hour yoga4cancer (y4c) Oncology Yoga teacher training (wow, that’s a mouthful!).

It was about five months of some pretty hefty lessons that spanned the cancer experience, the science of cancer, the science of yoga, the y4c methodology and lots of practice, introspection and critique. And more!

What drew me to this particular specialized yoga training was that it uses yoga as an exercise modality for true mind-body fitness, not simply to help practitioners deal with the stress and anxiety related to a cancer diagnosis, but to tap into the physical benefits of exercise in helping manage treatment-related side effects and prevent cancer recurrence.

Oncology Yoga offers a safe and effective yoga practice keeping the needs of those touched by cancer paramount.
(Photo by Junseong Lee on Unsplash)

I recently spoke with someone who represented another cancer yoga certification. She felt that cancer patients and survivors were not looking for yoga that emphasizes exercise, they wanted the stress-relieving, nurturing aspects of a yoga practice.

And there is some truth to that. I myself made the most use of the Pranayama (breath work) and Dhyana (meditation) aspects of Patanjali’s Eight Limbs of Yoga, of which Asanas (poses) are only one limb, when I was going through my own cancer experience.

But on top of that, I continued to row and lift weights throughout treatment, exercising as soon as I got over the worst days of my chemo. Same thing throughout radiation treatment. Exercise made me feel strong and “normal”, and gave me a sense of control when everything else in my life seemed out of control. This was something *I* could do for myself. It gave me agency over my life.

There is a growing body of evidence that staying physically active before, during and after cancer treatment is incredibly beneficial for survival. The evidence-based y4c Oncology Yoga methodology offers sequences that are appropriate for cancer patients and survivors, taking into account cancer-related side effects. There is ample propping to support the needs of practitioners, while still allowing them to participate in many asanas that you would find in a yoga class that isn’t cancer-oriented, taking care to avoid those that could be harmful.

The y4c methodology incorporates generous propping to allow cancer survivors to participate fully in class while keeping themselves safe.
(Photo by Samantha Sheppard on Unsplash)

No doubt, the stress-relieving aspect of yoga is immensely critical also, at a time when a cancer patient/survivor may be dealing with existential fears. There are studies being run on the impact of mindfulness and meditation as they relate to cancer and results of this research are very promising on a variety of levels.

Oncology Yoga combines the two, mind and body. Breath connects with movement in this specialized vinyasa class. The sequences help with lymphatic drainage, bone and muscle building, relieving constipation, regaining range of motion and more, all the while slowing the breath, calming the mind, lifting the spirit, bringing in a sense of grounding and self-efficacy.

I am very excited about the y4c training and am working on integrating Oncology Yoga principles into classes that I offer. My intent is to use my franticshanti.com platform to post sequences and meditations in the future. Watch this space!

Hovering Over Possibilities

(Title image: Photo by Victor Rutka on Unsplash)

Since I’ve been writing about non-attachment, I wanted to follow up with a description of what it feels like for me.

As an example, I’m currently waiting on medical results for a family member. And I can promise you, there is a particular outcome that I really want. It’s the one where everything works out without any problems and you can look back at what transpired and wonder what you were even worried about. All good!

But that’s a best-case scenario, and wish as we might, it’s not a guaranteed outcome, even when we assume it’s a guaranteed outcome. When reality comes out worse, the let-down can feel intense. I’ve experienced that too many times.

Gently, gently. Allowing thoughts to come and go as they please without holding on or pushing away.
(Photo by Dmitry on Unsplash)

So I’ve taken to holding my thoughts lightly, like you would hold a little bird in your hand. Not grasping them, just keeping my hand open and allowing them to flit in and out of it.

It feels like I’m hovering over the possibilities of what might transpire. I am aware of the potential outcomes, but not holding on to them. I don’t push them out of my mind completely. Rather, I fuzz my view of them as if with a softened gaze.

Then time stops. And coming down out of what is swirling in my head, I turn my awareness to what is going on right now. Especially what my feet are doing. How my soles feel pressed against the floor. Focusing on the sensations.

Always, when the possibilities get too intense and clear, I return to my feet on the floor. If my recalcitrant mind continues to swirl, I focus on my hands and pour my senses into what they are doing: tying shoelaces, making coffee, doing the dishes—noticing the movements and pressure, watching my fingers. Once I’m anchored in my body, my awareness reaches out again.

I know those thoughts, hopes and fears are there. I don’t try to repress them. I don’t try to analyze them. They simply come and go, and I return to the calmness of where I am.

Admittedly, some days it’s much harder than on other days. “Letting go” is a practice, not a destination. But even brief moments of respite are welcome.

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There’s also something to be said about the underlying fear of waiting for responses, the uncertainty that weighs so heavily upon us. I’ve always felt that one of the toughest times of my cancer experience was when I was waiting for scan results, biopsy results, even doctors’ appointments. That was the real test of “hovering” and it was one that I did not handle well at the time. But thankfully, relief came in the form of a treatment plan, a.k.a. a certainty of sorts. No, it didn’t make everything better, but it gave me a path to focus on.

How’s the Weather in There?

(Title image: Photo by NOAA on Unsplash)

Here’s a fun little way of observing your internal state, thanks to a mindfulness practice that I saw on a Calm app tool.

It illustrates the transience of emotions, driving home the notion that nothing is permanent and even the worst of days will come to an end.

It goes like this: consider how you are feeling in this moment. Simply observe without trying to change anything. Are you feeling content and peaceful? Stressed-out? Unmotivated?

Then try to describe those same emotions in terms of the weather. If you are feeling great, it’s sunny without a cloud in the sky. If you feel anxious, perhaps there are dark clouds overhead. Angry? Thunder and lightning abound. Tired and groggy translates to being in the midst of thick fog.

Feeling amazing? It’s a clear day with a warm, gentle breeze.
(Photo by Vlad ION on Unsplash)

Looking at your emotions in this way enables you make some space between the intensity of what you’re feeling and the present moment, so that you don’t get completely sucked in and consumed by negativity. This is a particularly important part of mindfulness and something to practice on a daily basis.

But creating an internal weather report also provides a different perspective on the all-encompassing nature of some emotions. It can be difficult to see the break in the clouds when you are in the midst of a stormy night. But eventually the storm passes, as do different emotions.

This gives us hope that no matter how oppressive things feel right now, they will pass and better times will appear on the horizon.

Give this simple practice a try and I wish you brighter days ahead.

Energy Modulation through Breath and Imagery

(Title image: Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash)

As my family takes some time to grieve the passing of a family member, I have been using pranayama (breathwork) to help with the broad range of emotions that such situations elicit.

I came across an excellent meditation by teacher Jeff Warren on the Calm app in which he pairs visualization with breathwork as a way of modifying your energy states.

Need to spark yourself? Or cool the sparks? There’s a breathing practice for that.
(Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash)

It works with the natural ability of inhales to quicken your heartrate and bring up your energy levels and exhales to calm the nervous system and elicit the relaxation response. This is my version of what he instructed (his actual guidance may have been a little different):

To increase energy:
Breath ~ Extended, intentional inhales fully filling the lungs followed by shorter, sharper, quicker exhales. Five such breaths followed by natural breath, then bringing attention to your current state. Important: stop if becoming lightheaded or short of breath. This should increase your energy, not overwhelm or wear you out!
Visualization ~ Imagine sparks of energy rising up from the earth and entering your body, into the fingertips and soles of the feet, coalescing in your core, then shooting upwards towards your head and skyward from your crown. Imagine the sensation of energy coursing through your entire body, and a sense of lightness and bouyancy, as if your body is charged and driving itself.

To come into calm:
Breath ~ Four-count inhales through the nose breathing into the diaphragm followed by 6-count extended exhales through pursed lips. Five of these breaths then moving into your natural breath, noticing the stillness. If available to you, extend the exhales to eight counts. This helps elicit the “relaxation response”.
Visualization ~ Imagine heat and sparks draining down from your body, into the earth. Feel a coolness washing over you, notice a solid foundation beneath you. There is a slowing and steadiness, a pleasant grounding and a clearing of the ears. Notice the sensations of your surroundings in the present moment.

Sometimes a mind-body break is in order.
(Photo by Victoria Tronina on Unsplash)

Quite honestly, I rarely need to increase my energy levels due the the ability of my parasympathetic nervous system to get activated quickly. If I am feeling fatigued, I don’t do breathwork to rev myself up. More likely, I will exercise…or I’ll respect the fact that my body is telling me that rest is needed and will respond accordingly.

On the other hand, I make frequent and liberal use of calming breaths and find that my ability to handle difficult emotions has improved because of it. Of course, I still struggle from time to time, but that is why this type of work is called a “practice.”

I hope these help you too!

It’s Not a Crisis, It’s an Opportunity

(Title image: Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

So I’ve been playing with another mental challenge.

For the past month, it feels like I’ve been dealing with a lot.

So many things weighing upon me: obligations, deadlines, upcoming responsibilities, health woes. At least I think there are many things.

Lately, I’ve been getting overwhelmed by what needs to be done. I manage to trudge through everything but procrasination becomes harder to resist and a good night’s rest is harder to get. I’m more susceptible to distractions, which end up resulting in more stress because now, of course, I’m getting even less done.

Life can look scarier than it actually is. Awareness illuminates reality.
(Photo by Razvan Sassu on Unsplash)

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

But when I pause and identify the sources of stress, there aren’t that many. The ones that are there expand around their edges, looking bigger than they really are and that creates a crisis in my brain.

If I were a purely mindful creature, I’d be able to notice this immediately and gently put a stop to it. But, alas, I am clumsy human being. Even with all my practice, mindfulness can easily evade me at times when I need it the most.

So for this round of dancing with anxiety, I’m reframing what I’m experiencing as a fortuitous learning opportunity. And it’s a very “safe” one because quite honestly nothing that I’m going through now is life-threatening.

I am not currently dealing with a cancer diagnosis. I am not about to be kicked out onto the street with my life in peril. I am not dodging bombs or searching for missing loved ones.

Instead, I only need to de-escalate what my brain is blowing out of proportion. This is in fact an ideal situation to be in because I can’t get it wrong. The only question is how long this process is going to take. Everything else is time-limited. Sooner or later it will work itself out and I know I’m going to be okay.

Every challenge is another chance to practice mindful awareness.
(Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas on Unsplash)

This is a chance for me to practice shortening the time it takes to notice that no true calamity has befallen me. The more I sit with the things that I’m grateful for, the more I reinforce the realization that not everything that I experience is a stressor and there are so many awesome things that perfuse my day.

And once that realization lands, once I see that my feet are planted on the ground and the din of fears in my head fades, everything feels clearer and calmer.

Why didn’t I do this earlier?

Naptime with Animal Friends: A Calming Visualization

(Title image: Photo by Kristin Lyse on Unsplash)

I recently came up with a fun visualization for calming myself that I wanted to share with you. It’s ideal if you love animals.

The concept is quite simple. Imagine yourself in a comfortable place outdoors with an environment that is what you like best. As an example, for me, it’s a warm-ish spring or summer day and I’m sitting under an arbor covered in wisteria or another flowering vine with leaves just dense enough to allow dappled light through.

Create a detailed, colorful picture of your perfect place in your mind. And then…start settling. Bringing attention to your body, imagine what it would feel like to be there. As your breath slows, the calmness you generate travels outward and attracts friendly animals to you.

You are the Pied Piper of imaginary animals.
(Photo by Dmitry on Unsplash)

Perhaps a colorful bird alights on your shoulder or next to you. A bunny hops over and snuggles next to you. Or maybe you attract a group of sleepy cats that come, purring, and rub their faces against you before stretching out beside you and perhaps in your lap.

The animals can be whatever you desire. Maybe it’s a family of platypuses? Or perhaps you’re sitting by a natural pool, feet in the water, and koi are languidly swimming around you. Sometimes, I imagine something potentially frightening and powerful like a tiger appearing, then nuzzling my hair before he rolls onto the ground to snooze, pressed up to me.

It doesn’t have to be realistic. It just has to make you feel good. There are no rules.

All animals relax around you as long as you stay relaxed around them.
(Photo by Sandra Vasilenko on Unsplash)

The richer and more vibrant the picture, the more easily you will settle. As you develop the image in your mind, watching the butterflies circle around your head or feel the weight of the wolf’s head as she lays it on your shoulder, you nurture a sense of calm. These animals are attracted to you because you are what soothes them.

And the reason that you soothe them is because you have calmed yourself. Being calm, and tranferring that feeling to others, is your superpower.

If you lose focus and your mind drifts into worry or to-do lists, the animals will scatter, so you have to notice what’s happening and resume the visualization to show them that it’s safe to return. Allow a warm breeze against your skin or the cooing of mourning doves to transition you back to this calm space.

Understand that you have this ability to generate a sense of well-being, in yourself and others. You might not always be aware of it in the middle of a busy day…but it is there. Close your eyes, feel into your feet and call your favorite furry, feathered or scaly friend to you for a snuggle.

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If you’d rather not imagine animals, you can make flowers bloom or young children smile and nod off (which might be very satisfying if you are a preschool teacher!).

An Eyeball Update…and Unfortunate Addendum

(Title image: Photo by Anastasiya Badun on Unsplash)

Last Wednesday, I had a follow-up appointment with my ophthalmologist regarding the visual migraine auras I’d experienced during the second half of last year. [Read through to the end to see what happened a few days later on Sunday.]

I had gone to see her on November 22nd after the aura frequency had increased, and at that point, imaging of my eyes revealed little hemorrhages in both eyeballs, leading my doc to fear that something was exerting pressure, eliciting auras and busting little blood vessels.

And by “something”, she meant possibly a cause as serious as a tumor.

This time around, however, the hemorrhages were gone, healed on their own. As I mentioned in a previous post, my auras had ceased too. And even my eyeballs were not looking as parched as they had before.

Everything had improved. How often does that happen?

While I expected some improvement by virtue of the fact that I was no longer experiencing visual disturbances, I was a little surprised by the complete reversal. My eyeballs looked better than they had even during my first appointment with the eye doctor some months ago.

So we talked about the effects that stress might have had on me, since I had incorporated all sorts of anti-anxiety measures. My opthalmologist is very supportive of meditation and whatever else it takes to calm oneself down. She was very relieved that there was such a marked improvement.

And this made me think about how the extra effort I’d put into being mindful, pausing during the day, increasing meditation time and the like had really paid off. Simply taking the time to look around and notice how I felt, to evaluate the pressures that I was under, to be aware and present…all of this helped me realize where there were things that I could do to change what was happening.

The concept of self-efficacy comes to mind here. Because after going through a cancer journey where everything seems out of my hands, it’s refreshing to have the experience of being able to get a positive response from lifestyle changes.

And, yes, I have to admit: I am making assumptions here. I am assuming that in fact, the visual migraine auras were caused by a pile-on of factors that included anxiety, grief and depression. I am assuming that by being more self-aware of what I was going through, engaging in holistic methods for calming myself and showing self-compassion, even the increased consumption of theobromine, all worked together to help me get a handle on the emotional storm that I’d been facing. I could be completely wrong.

But you know what? It’s not beyond the realm of possibility that all these things were exactly what I needed.

Perhaps it’s not as simplistic as taking deeper breaths. But those self-soothing techniques do not hurt.

Of course, the trick now is to not get complacent. Life is still tough, and I know that I have some challenges coming up this year. Even the greatest techniques do no good if you start cutting corners.

But after the uncertainty of last year, the pain and the loss, once again I get the satisfaction of knowing that as difficult as it seems to be, I can survive this.

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ADDENDUM

The trick now is to not get complacent. I feel like I’m eating my words.

I had felt very positive when I wrote the first draft of this post last Friday. But perhaps after almost two months of no auras, I might have assumed that I was done with them.

Yesterday (Sunday), while driving in the car, I experienced another aura. It was “milder” and a little shorter than most, but *groan* it was still an aura. My heart sank.

A few days ago I had noticed that I was experiencing that involuntary sighing reflex again. I didn’t think much of it because, hey, I had everything under control, right? I guess not.

So today my mind is more unfocused, possibly additional stress from life or anxiety over the fact that I just had another aura after things were going so well. Honestly, I don’t know which. All I know is that auras are not going to simply disappear from my life altogether. I guess I should have expected a relapse.

Darn it.