Since I’ve found my stress levels higher this year, I’ve been playing with ways to quickly calm myself down.
Here’s one that I’ve been using lately. It’s very simple and involves a basic visualization, but has also been effective in grounding me fast.
And it goes like this…
Sit comfortably on a stable seat with a dignified upright posture, not too rigid, not too loose. Close the eyes or, if you prefer, soften your gaze with eyes cast downwards.
Then start slowing your breath, deepening your inhale and extending your exhale. Not focusing on a particular part of the breath cycle, but more on your entire body, noticing it rock with the breath, feeling it settle with every exhale.
As this becomes comfortable, start visualizing the expansion and contraction of your body, as if the breath were a hollowing out of your insides. Imagine that inside you there is a space like a balloon. And the inhale is an inflation of the balloon, with the exhale a gentle relaxation of that stretch.
No need to imagine specifics about the balloon, what’s important is to notice the stretch and an opening inside as the air flows in, the expansion releasing muscles that might be tight from stress. And then, as the air flows out, notice the softening and relaxation of the body.
As you continue the inhale and exhale, feel the lightening of the body as it expands, followed by the gentle sinking as it contracts. See if you can notice yourself lift off as you breathe in, as if you were filling up with helium. But then settle into your seat as you breath out.
Continue like this, noticing yourself get progressively lighter, so that when you settle with the exhales, you still maintain some bouyancy.
This type of breathing meditation helps me “lighten up” when I feel overwhelmed, like I’m getting crushed by whatever the stressor is. Putting focus on the body keeps me out of my head and the deep breaths are soothing.
It’s been a very weird few weeks for me. My stress levels have been climbing, and while I can kind of, sort of point to certain anxiety-provoking events that might be responsible…there’s nothing truly significant that would elicit this type of response.
Regardless, I’ve been spending more time in the “higher strata” of myself, and I don’t mean this in a good sense. Another way of putting it is that I’m all up in my own head, bouncing around and being pummeled by all sorts of thoughts, expectations, fears, unreasonable beliefs and the like.
Usually I know when this is happening, but this time I was too preoccupied with the worries of those around me that I didn’t notice myself drift up and stake a camp in the swamp of my mind.
Even my meditations tended to get stuck up there. Time to rappel down.
I get myself down this way: first by acknowledging the mess that I’m dealing with in my head, the rainstorm whipping up swirling thoughts. Not all my concerns are unreasonable, but they are pointless to get hung up on in this moment.
Next, I focus on the noise on the street outside (there is always noise on our street, but the longer I listen, the greater chance that I’ll hear a bird or other wildlife sounds). I bring my attention out to the expanse around me—getting out of the cramped space between my ears.
That’s a nice break. But I can’t ignore myself forever. So I feel into the sensations on my face: the feeling of the air (hot or cool), noticing the weight of my glasses on my nose, perhaps an itch on the scalp or cheek.
And here I go, rappeling down to a place where I can ground myself and return to the present moment. (Photo by Ben Kitching on Unsplash)
Then I drop down to my neck and shoulders, giving them a roll as I go, and then towards my chest. Here I pause and bring focus to my breathing. Usually that results in an automatic slowing of the breath, as I notice my ribs expand and contract.
But after a brief stay I rappel down and out more quickly, into my hands and feet. Noticing how my hands feel on whatever surface they lie. And how my feet feel against the earth.
I imagine that my feet are part of the bedrock, joining the rest of the Earth’s crust. Connected and solid, forming a stable base.
And from down here, I look back up to where those clouds around my head were bringing furious rain, and they seem so far away. I’m peaceful and unruffled here on the ground. Down here is what’s really happening in the present, without being affected by the past and future. And what’s happening is just what’s happening, neither good nor bad.
Taking a deep breath, maybe a yawn, I stretch my body out the way I do when waking from a long sleep, enjoying the slight shiver of the muscles.
And then, on to the rest of my day a little bit calmer.
This is a time-sensitive opportunity for US residents!
NOTE: all links are described at the bottom of this post.
I unexpectedly came across a great opportunity for those of you interested in taking a master class in stress management and also participating in a large research study.
Dr. Judith Moskowitz, a research psychologist at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, is recruiting 20,000 participants for an online, self-guided, positive emotions study/class. The course will teach eight science-backed stress reduction skills over 5 weeks, with the 6th week being a practice and review period (the entire length of the study will be 12 weeks). The skills being taught involve the following (from this National Public Radio (NPR) article):
Positive Events
Savoring
Gratitude
Daily Mindfulness
Positive Reappraisal
Self-Compassion
Personal Strengths
Attainable Goals
Additionally, NPR has an accompanying 5-week newsletter series called Stress Less that will help reinforce these skills. Signing up for that can be done here.
More information and the registration link can be found on Dr. Moskowitz’s site where she describes what’s involved. To participate, you must be over the age of 18, living in the United States and have reliable internet connectivity as this is 100% online. There will be questionnaires to complete about your emotional states at the beginning and end of the study, and you will get nightly homework.
Consistency is the way to grow positive skills and behaviors, which is why I’m looking forward to participating in this class. (Photo by Jane Thomson on Unsplash)
While the “nightly homework” thing might seem like too much, I can personally attest to the fact that consistency is what strengthens skills and habits. You keep yourself accountable by committing to a daily practice. For me, knowing that a course is set up for working on a little every day is actually quite reassuring—I know I’m more likely to get results.
But do these skills really work in reducing stress? Dr. Moskowitz herself said that she was initially skeptical that skills like these would make an appreciable difference, but years of positive research results changed her mind. The idea is to train your brain to experience good feelings.
I love programs like this because the only cost is a little effort on your part. If it doesn’t seem to work for you, you haven’t lost much, but if it works, the rewards can be life-changing.
As a cancer survivor with anxious tendencies, I find this to be a win-win proposition. I have signed up, as have several members of my family. If you are interested, don’t wait! The study is limited to the first 20,000 registrants and when the original NPR story came out on Monday, September 30th, the response was so overwhelming that it effectively shut the regstration site down.
Registration resumed on October 2nd and as far as I know there are still spaces available.
But the enthusiastic initial response to the invitation to join in the research was quite telling. So many of us are looking for a way to reduce our stress levels and bring more positivity into our lives. This challenge is one more way to do that.
Following on the heels of my Elle Macpherson post last week, I wanted to fill in some missing info…
To back up, former supermodel Elle Macpherson revealed that she took the holistic route when deciding to treat her breast cancer in 2017. However, most of the news stories that reported and offered opinions on her choices left out some critical information, as noted by this article in The Guardian (“Crucial information missing in Elle Macpherson breast cancer story, experts warn“). In this case, that information makes a big difference.
While it seems that Elle’s cancer was HER2-receptor positive, which suggests a more aggressive cancer, it was considered “non-invasive”, meaning it was contained within the mammary ducts. Often, this is referred to DCIS, or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ, and at this point those of us with personal knowledge of the disease will knowingly go, “OOooooooh.”
This is basically a “precancerous” mass of cells and often the treatments are more conservative. It’s considered stage 0. Yes, it becomes more dangerous if you do nothing, but clearly Elle did something: she had it removed.
DCIS is a stage 0 cancer, which doesn’t necessitate the most aggressive treatment. (Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash)
Beyond that, there are other conventional treatments offered, depending on how aggressively you want to go. This introduces the issue of potential overtreatment, which is gaining more attention among physicians and the public. It’s easy to throw the kitchen sink at anything that looks like cancer, but that increases the chances that patients unnecessarily experience damaging side effects. Not everyone needs to be smacked that hard with treatment.
So, given that Elle’s cancer was DCIS, her holistic treatment starts looking less extreme. In perspective, for stage 0, a radical mastectomy topped off with chemotherapy and other treatments leans towards overkill with minimal benefits, potentially affecting quality of life. So this is less about the types of Elle’s holistic treatments and much more about her cancer not requiring the same level of aggressive action as stage 1+ tumors.
However, very few of the news stories mentioned this. As a matter of fact, my own blog post last week might have confused the issue—I was writing without having all the facts. This underscores the importance of learning as much about your cancer as you can and understanding that your version of the disease may be very different from that of a friend with cancer.
In light of this, the pile-on regarding Elle’s treatment seems unfair…but only as it regards her personal situation. Because all the opinion pieces that came out against her choices, including my post, did so for a critical reason: that Elle’s story (“follow your heart”) may turn a cancer patient away from much-needed and beneficial treatment that can prolong their lives.
Get the facts, talk to your team, understand what you’re up against and what your risks are—yes, meditate, pray, exercise, change your diet. But don’t try to wish your cancer away.
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To clarify, Elle did indeed decline even less radical treatments such as endocrine therapy, so one could argue that she’s still taking a risk. We don’t have a crystal ball to determine whether this was the wisest choice, Elle believed it was the right choice for her.
Supermodel Elle Macpherson recently made the news with an interview with the Australian Women’s Weekly magazine when she revealed her breast cancer diagnosis.
She was diagnosed in 2017 (as I was!), so the fact that she’s here and talking about it suggests that her treatment worked.
But what was her treatment? According to the article, following diagnosis Elle consulted with 32 doctors (and experts, although it’s unclear in what) and ultimately decided to follow a holistic treatment path. In her own words, “an intuitive, heart-led, holistic approach”.
She decided to forego a mastectomy in favor of a lumpectomy (as I also did) but also dispensed with the conventional chemotherapy, radiation and hormone therapy (I went the conventional route).
So let me clarify some things here: Elle had the lump removed. If the cancer had not spread (which presumably it hadn’t) AND no rogue cancer cells had gotten out AND the surgeon confirmed “clear margins” upon excision of the tumor, it’s certainly possible that all evidence of the cancer was removed from Elle’s body with that surgery.
As we survivors know, everyone’s cancer is different. That’s why we discourage comparing tumors or offering advice. What works for one person may not for another because so much depends on the state of the individual…and probably on a lot of other factors that we are not even aware of, even with present day advances in cancer treatment.
Elle has even stated that her treatment is not for everyone. Who knows, she might have said this for legal reasons…because you can see what’s going to happen. While Elle, as a former supermodel, businesswoman, etc., might have access to whatever specialists and level of care she desires, most of us will not.
Do you feel lucky? Rejecting conventional cancer treatments in favor of clinically unproven ones can be a big gamble. (Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash)
My concern is that a newly-diagnosed breast cancer patient, fearful of the admittedly-harsh treatments that modern medicine offers, might decide to take Elle’s path (“she did it so I can too!”). But unless this person is independently wealthy or otherwise connected, they will have to cobble together a questionable plan with minimal support, and possibly fall prey to unscrupulous players looking to make a buck out of someone’s desperation.
And in these days of growing suspicion of science and the advice of doctors—brought on by pandemic-related missteps or perceived draconian measures—the chance of patients rejecting well-worn treatments is even more likely. Statistically, this would result in more lives lost to the disease.
When I made my own treatment choices, I didn’t go with the harshest stuff that my oncologist offered, opting for very effective (and, yes, cardiotoxic) Herceptin immunotherapy instead of lobbying my insurance to cover the even-more-effective (but even more toxic) Perjeta for my HER2+ cancer. I also had to cut my hormone therapy short by a number of years due to how it affected my ability to exercise, which has also been shown to have a strong effect on preventing cancer recurrence. These were measured choices, as it’s clear that Elle’s were.
At the same time, in the back of my mind I know I can’t say I did everything I could to blast my cancer into submission. But I do feel that taking everything into consideration, I did enough. My oncologist agrees.
As far as Elle’s treatment is concerned…I also did a number of things that she did, including meditation, exercise, therapy (our cancer center was very supportive of complementary therapies) and more. I cannot say how much conventional treatments vs. complementary ones contributed to my remission, but I assume each played a role. And the combination gave me peace of mind, which I would not have had, had I chosen only alternative therapies.
Ultimately, I hope we get to the point where we can eliminate the most toxic treatments and heal ourselves more gently. Ideally, we’d even prevent cancer. Huge strides have been made in cancer treatment, but we are not there yet. Every time we decline a proven treatment, we roll the dice. I’m hoping that Elle’s story does not unnecessarily put people with fewer resources at risk.
There is an expectation in the US that yoga practitioners are all young and flexible with great balance, but we know that’s not the case. Many people who might benefit the most from a yoga practice are certainly not.
When I started Yoga Teacher Training (YTT), there were two assumptions that most of us made:
“Full expression of the pose” is not accessible to every yoga practitioner. (Photo by Carl Barcelo on Unsplash)
Every yogi strives for the “full expression of the pose”, suggesting that there is one perfect way to perform a yoga asana.
An important responsibility of a yoga teacher is to move students into the full expression of the pose, using hands-on adjustments if necessary.
Those two assumptions may: (1) discourage students from yoga practice, particularly when you consider that yoga originally developed as a practice for men, and asanas do not necessarily take into consideration the female body (or diverse body shapes) even though the majority of practitioners in the US are female; and (2) may compel newly-minted yoga teachers to push students into positions that are wrong for their body shapes and can cause harm to them.
During YTT, however, we learned that the “full expression of the pose” as a concept was no longer taught and teachers were discouraged to refer to asanas in that way, no doubt in an effort to be more welcoming to a broad range of people.
My person belief is that hands-on adjustments are not necessary for yoga under most circumstances. (Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash)
We also learned how to do hands-on adjustments. The idea was that you needed to check with the student whether they wanted to be adjusted.
However, I myself have received adjustments in classes that I hadn’t requested or agreed to. It’s never been harmful to me and generally felt good, especially in settings where I couldn’t check my form in a mirror. Futhermore, the classes tended to be higher level, so there was probably an assumption on the part of the instructor that you’re in a more intense class for a reason, otherwise you’d be in a lower level class.
But you can probably see where I’m going with this. I tended to be one of the oldest students in these classes. I’ve done yoga (and a range of other exercise modalities) for decades, but my flexibility and balance have taken a hit from cancer treatment and various injuries. Unless a teacher is sensitive to that, we can run into trouble.
Additionally, I’ve seen less-experienced students attend more difficult classes because they were coming with a friend or couldn’t get to the easier class that they wanted, and decided to just “do their best”. That should always be good enough without putting a student at harm.
Yogis come in different shapes, sizes and levels of flexibility…and that’s okay. (Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash)
My personal feeling? Stick with gentle verbal adjustments to relay the spirit of the asana and cue according to the class’ level, understanding that students will have varying ranges of flexibility. I do not feel comfortable doing hands-on adjustments unless the student is requesting it AND I know the student well enough to be familiar with their limitations, if any. That means verbal adjustment for students in a general class vs. POSSIBLY hands-on adjustments for a student that I’m teaching privately, where we can talk through how the asana feels in their body. Quite often, I will forgo hands-on adjusting altogether.
Finally, I leave you with a quote from the YogaUOnline.com website. Charlotte Bell proposes a difference definition of “full expression”, in an excellent article titled, What is Full Expression in Yoga Practice?: “Full expression arises in a pose when our bodies are aligned such that the wave of the breath is free to circulate throughout the body. It also happens when we have invested our full attention into the sensations arising as we move and breathe in the pose. The full expression is not dependent on what a pose looks like.”
After a few weeks away for a funeral in my hometown, it’s not so simple to jump back into what I was doing before.
This has led to some ‘motivation’ issues (complicated by the grieving process, no doubt). As a result, I’ve been reviewing how I tackle difficult tasks. Before I undertake anything that I consider less palatable, it’s not unusual for me to have some sort of visceral reaction to the idea of the task. I think this is true for many of us. And we might not even be aware that this is taking place.
But if that response is strong enough and negative enough, it can shut down the possibility of accomplishing the task in front of us.
If we can’t get past that point, we don’t tackle the things we should. Unfortunately, those may be the kinds of things that help us grow personally, professionally, health-wise and the like.
So I have a suggestion for you. The next time you have that “ugh, I can’t do that” reaction, stop and consider:
* But…what if I could? * How would I go about taking care of that? What steps would I take? * What would it feel like to know that I was doing it? * How great would it feel to be done?
When you start answering these questions for yourself, several things happen. You introduce the possibility of starting, making it less daunting. Sometimes that’s the hardest part. You open up a path for moving forward, breaking down what needs to be done into small steps. You may imagine yourself taking care of things and bring them into reality.
So what does this look like? Take cleaning as an example, something that I usually put off. “House cleaning” as a concept may seem like a monolithic undertaking. There are so many other things that I’d like to be doing, and many of them important. But consider, what might it be like to just, say, grab the vacuum cleaner and vacuum one area…yeah, that seems doable. And maybe after that, just empty some trash cans. How would it feel to do that? Not to get bogged down in the process but to move through it.
The “Done” List
Try a different kind of list. Instead of (or in addition to) a “to-do” list, make a “done” list. Write down everything you’ve accomplished. It can feel really good to see what you’ve done and more positive than simply crossing off items on a “to-do” list since you’re adding accomplishments instead of taking away tasks.
If you have a particularly difficult time getting motivated, split your already-split-up tasks up into even smaller parts: instead of waiting until you’ve “vacuumed the house” to write it down, note that you “vaccuumed the entry way”, “vacuumed the front part of the living room”, even “vaccumed the doormat”. It counts. Because no matter what you’ve done, it’s still better than not having done anything, even if it’s just one thing.
Let your own need for putting completed tasks behind you be the guide for how granular to get with this.
I do this when I clean. And, yes, my go-to is the vacuum to get started. Or sometimes the toilet. But it could also be doing the dishes, something that I’ve actually dreaded in the past but realized that it takes a surprisingly short time. Our brains are what stop us from proceeding so make the process rewarding to your gray matter.
Many of the tasks that we don’t undertake are simpler, easier and take less time than we anticipate (or fear!). The key is to not psych ourselves out, instead breaking them down into bite-sized pieces and recognizing their completion as a reality. Even if you don’t do it all, you’ve done part, bouyed by the knowledge that it doesn’t have to be perfect to count. This builds positive associations with getting things done.
I have a history of getting myself wrapped up in future fears and past regrets. It can be terrifying and difficult to shut off, especially during very stressful events.
I have to be honest, there was a time when I was afraid that if something seemed so real in my head, something I could describe in fine detail and feel the fear via physiological responses in my body, it was more likely to come true.
I don’t know how that actually started. It might have been some form of “magical thinking” that suggested that if I’m having a response, it was a premonition that accurately predicted the future. Or maybe I was so frightened by how real it felt. Regardless, it was difficult to shake.
With the help of mindfulness, meditation and expert guidance from a counselor, I found it easier to notice when this was happening. It took years to get to this point and the shift was very gradual.
It’s not a perfect shift, however. From time to time, I still get run through the wringer by fearful thoughts so I’ve developed a silly practice to help myself defang this beast. When I realize I’ve been caught, I grab the thought and run to the nearest art gallery–in my mind.
It’s the ability to step back and put space between yourself and your fears that makes this such a helpful practice. (Photo by Xavier von Erlach on Unsplash)
Yes, I realize this sounds strange, but hear me out: (1) I recognize that an anxious thought is particularly sticky, (2) I compress it into a two-dimensional image, and (3) place it in an imaginary frame on an imaginary wall in an imaginary environment that I define, and finally (4) I step back to give myself some space–as if I were at an art gallery evaluating a painting–and note that it is only a picture, one that I could potentially remove from the exhibition and send to storage.
Then I ground myself in the present, feeling my feet on the real floor where I actually am.
This kind of manipulation requires some imagination and, like I mentioned, this practice can seem a little silly. But it does help to recognize that the thing that elicited such a strong response in us is really just a simple thought. We can choose what to do with that thought.
IMPORTANT: I acknowledge that the physical responses are real and they might be driven by the real possibility of something bad happening. We don’t have a crystal ball to tell us with 100% certainty what will take place in the future. But what we do know is that nothing is happening now. If you can clear the foreboding images out of your mind you will realize that in this moment you are safe. And that is a very comforting place to be.
Some time ago, I was thinking how I got to where I am and was seized by a sense of regret and shame. This was not where I thought I’d be by this age.
So many things that I’d worked for education-wise, health-wise, career-wise seemed to have been derailed by decisions I’d made based on life circumstances that I didn’t feel I could control…or by just plain bad luck (cancer, I’m looking at you).
As I pondered this, I became enveloped in it, slipping down a dark hole, trying to squash those negative feelings—the ones that get buried for a while only to pop back up at 3am some night.
But then I thought, “Ok, so how about another way of looking at this?”
What if how I am now was the end goal all along?
What if where you are right now is where you need to be for the rest of your life to work out according to plan? (Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash)
And that shift in perspective allowed me to look at the things that I felt I hadn’t fully achieved as being “the plan” for creating me as I am now.
And what I am now is made up of the valuable experiences that I was labeling as half-done or poorly-executed or forced upon me—but no, perhaps they were all so necessary for setting up myself in this place with this knowledge. And from here, preparing me to move forward.
A master’s degree I haven’t used for a couple of decades, a job situation that falls below my career aspirations, a body that is limping back from injuries and cancer, a mind that can be my worst enemy. The experience of all of these brings with it wisdom and insight. And strength.
Where I am now is exactly where I need to be for the next chapter of my life. The foundation for future-me has been established.
So, how about you?
What if you spin the timeline around, understanding and appreciating who you are now, however “imperfect” it might seem to you, social media, whomever else serves as the judge of your life. This is now your starting point.
What’s your next step?
How can you take everything that’s come before you and allow it to support the incredible you that you will become?
[NOTE: I am not associated with nor do I get any kickbacks from writing about Snail’s House, Pirate Software or Heartbound (except for a sense of well-being) 🙂 ]
Continuing with my “Favorite Calm Things” series, I have found great pleasure in watching ferrets sleep.
Yes, Snail’s House Ferret Rescue stream (https://www.twitch.tv/ferretsoftware or ferrets.live) has a playtime about once a day where you can watch an amazing bunch of curious ferrets racing about, charging through tubes, sneaking off with little toys, play-fighting and pausing the chaos to indulge in a yummy snack. But in between these playtimes, I find great comfort in watching a large cage of about 15 or so ferrets (just a fraction of the actual ferret population there) cuddle together in hammocks and under mats and snooze away the 18-20 or so hours that they spend sleeping during a 24-hour period.
The cameras are always on. Full color overhead view during playtime and front nightvision as they sleep the rest of the time.
Photos of a selection of resident ferrets (more have already been added)
This ferret rescue is the forever home for these wiggly noodles, as the facility accepts ailing animals, rescues from bad situations, ferrets who can no longer be cared for by their owners and the like. These ferrets are provided with high quality food, nurturing environment, medical care and proper stimulation…but are never adopted out. Snail’s House is the loving home from which they will ultimately cross the rainbow bridge, comfortable until the end.
Faces like this are difficult to resist (this is not one of Snail’s House’s ferrets, but cute nonetheless). (Photo by Nikolett Emmert on Unsplash)
This ferret rescue is the pet project of game developer PirateSoftware (https://www.twitch.tv/piratesoftware) led by Jason Thor Hall and exotic vet assistant (and artist) Shaye Rehmel. Due to Thor’s diligent planning and recent explosive success on both Twitch and YouTube, the rescue is ever-expanding, as of this writing home to about 42 ferrets. Ingeniously, Snail’s House is funded by ad revenue from the FerretSoftware stream on Twitch. If you want to support them, all you have to do is tune in to the stream.
This is the only stream where the viewers get excited when ads come on because they know the benefit that advertising funds bring to the furry noodles.
We, the viewers, are the beneficiaries of the ’round-the-clock video because we get to watch the wigglers at any time, day or night. These snoozing ferrets are an anchor that I use to ground myself in the middle of a hectic workday.
For me, watching this stream is a meditation. While there is a varied soundtrack in the background (musical pieces from the Heartbound video game by PirateSoftware), sometimes I find it more peaceful to sit in silence as I watching the little guys sleep, piled up on top of each other. It feels like a perfect pause.
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The rescue is expanding! Snail’s House has moved to a new and larger location and is still in the process of securing fiber internet; until that time, the stream may occasionally be pixelated.
Frantic Shanti 