Cancer This, Cancer That

(Title image: Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash)

Cancer, cancer, cancer.

There is a part of me that would like to stop talking about cancer. Really.

My cancer diagnosis tops my “Worst Things I’ve Gone Through” list, more than any other crappy things that I’ve gone through. Treatment brought me to a screeching halt and forced me to rethink my expectations for what “success” looked like.

It wouldn’t be surprising if I wanted absolutely nothing to do with cancer and chose to never speak of it again.

However, I DID go through this. I WAS angry and frustrated and literally fearing for my life. So I want to own the fact that I faced one of my greatest health fears and was able to come out of the other end of the cancer tunnel.

Undoubtedly, most of my “success” was sheer luck and well-established medical protocols. There are many other cancer patients who go through the same thing but are not so fortunate. Until we know exactly what triggers the development of a tumor and can determine how to effectively avoid that, we will still be riding by the seat of our pants

In that case, isn’t it sort of odd to wear the “cancer survivor” badge like an achievement?

This goes without saying.
(Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash)

And yet, it does feel like an achievement. Or perhaps, it feels like it gives me a purpose. The entire reason why this blog exists is because I had questions about the experience of being a cancer patient that I could not find answers for, and I wanted to offer what I had gone through in case it might help someone else.

As cancer recurrence became kinda, sorta, maybe less likely with each passing year, I still had an urge to let people know about the disease because it had been so huge in my life. At some point in a conversation, I’d stick in that I was a cancer survivor—it was hard not to, I realized, because there were so many ways that cancer had entangled itself in me.

And people would say congratulations for surviving and then the conversation would become a bit uncomfortable because no one really likes talking about cancer…and everyone would quiet down for a bit. I could easily keep going on about my experiences but I know I’d never get invited to another social event if I did, so I learned to shut up and change the subject.

This blog is my emotional, cancer-indulgent dumping ground.

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If someone mentions that they have a cancer diagnosis, I know what not to say first and foremost, but there’s a balancing act between allowing them the space to express themselves (especially if others around them don’t know what to say) and offering supportive bits of random information about things that actually matter to them.

In online forums, I’ve typed out a block of text…only to delete it before sending. Maybe it’s not as important for me to talk about what I went through as it is to simply be there to listen.

Another Oncology Visit and “Not Being Good Enough”

(Title image: Photo by Nik on Unsplash)

“I see pharmacological interventions in your future” is a paraphrasing of what my oncologist told me at my last doctor’s visit.

So let me back up a bit. I had my “eight-years-since-finishing-chemo” appointment with my oncologist last week. Things went the way they’ve been going for a while. He was very pleased with how things have been going and that made me feel very positive.

Certainly, I have my share of stressors churning at the moment, but most of them are not health-related. Most.

When my oncologist reviewed my bone density reports, however, he made the same prediction that he has during my previous two visits with him (see his quote above). The issue is that my bone scan in 2019 showed osteopenia, which I have to say is pretty weird given my lifestyle, which includes a lot of strength training. We both thought that perhaps it was an issue with the way the numbers were calculated.

Unfortunately, my 2024 bone scan showed a significant loss of bone compared to 2019. Enough to really concern my oncologist and befuddle us both.

So despite my living the lifestyle that medical guidelines say I’m “supposed to” live in order to stay healthy and strong, it’s still not good enough.

Tried as hard as you could? Well, too bad, try harder.
(Photo by Mads Schmidt Rasmussen on Unsplash)

This harkens back to what I experienced after being diagnosed with breast cancer. It seemed like I had done everything I could to lessen my chances of getting cancer, including things that should have been protective, but there I was, a breast cancer patient, and a young one at that (which, I later learned, what one of the reasons the risk factors didn’t necessarily apply to me, but I didn’t know that at the time).

It drove my perfectionistic mind haywire.

It brought on feelings of helplessness and even despair.

The only thing that gave me a bit of a lift was learning to meditate. Meditation imparted a sense that I had a teensy bit of control, if not on the situation, at least in the way that I reacted to it.

I got through that period of my life, brushed myself off and went on. And for a while, I was feeling blessed.

But cancer treatments have long-term effects. And the repercussions of being pushed through menopause and being on endocrine therapy eventually caught up to me. Physical movements that used to be easy started to hurt. I lost muscle mass…and apparently, I lost bone too. I felt like I was treading water with a weight tied around me.

Never good enough.

So I am bearing down and reworking my diet and exercise program even more. And to be honest, this is also an opportunity to shed some of my perfectionistic tendencies. While I want to feel like I am doing everything I can to help stop my bone loss and avoid taking medication for it, I need to learn to give myself grace. Sometimes even doing everything “right” will not be 100% successful, and I have to be okay with that.

Favorite Calm Things: Kaiyukan Aquarium in Osaka

(Title image: Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash)

It’s been quite a week. And that means another post with some of my favorite ways to bring calm into my life…

This time around I’m posting about a video instead of a livestream. It’s a 12-hour long YouTube video of the central tank at the Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan in Osaka, Japan, and it is glorious.

The central tank is a massively huge aquarium, showcasing marine animals from the Pacific Rim. According to the Kaiyukan Aquarium Wikipedia page, the tank is 34 meters (112 feet) long, 9 meters (30 feet) deep and has a staggering capacity of 5,400 cubic meters (190,699 cubic feet) of water. Its enormous size enables it to house an impressive range of animals, including whale sharks!

The central tank at Kaiyukan Aquarium in Osaka, Japan.

As long as you don’t have a fear of ocean scenes, the blueness of the water is very soothing. It feels nurturing and safe.

The soundtrack itself of the video is a little surprising: it’s disarmingly upbeat and I would not have expected it to have a calming effect…but give it a listen. I turn the volume down a bit while still allowing the tune to fill the space around me—excellent for focus as I’m working. Not distracting or sleep-inducing, just an effective noise blocker that helps with concentration.

Give this a view – I hope you enjoy it!

Remembering to Do Nothing

(Title image: Photo by Ken Cheung on Unsplash)

I remembered something last night about mindfulness meditation that I’d realized I had somehow forgotten.

I don’t have to do anything when I meditate.

Not strain, nor grip, nor furrow my brow.

The only thing I need to do when I meditate is to exist, and to be aware that I am existing.

I was thankful that I remembered this because I’d been struggling with the concept of sitting and being present for the past few months. I had slipped into the belief that I needed to work at it.

But last night I asked myself, “What would it feel like if I didn’t try so hard? Or at all?”

Simply exist.
(Photo by Jeppe H. Jensen on Unsplash)

If you’ve practiced mindfulness meditation, you know that the guidance is simple and straightforward.

It goes something like this:

“Sit comfortably with a tall spine, alert but relaxed. Take a few deep breaths, stretching upward on the inhale and settling down on the exhale. Soften the muscles of your body starting from your face, moving down the neck, shoulders, torso, arms to the fingers, hips and seat, down the legs to your toes. Then allow your awareness to settle onto a focal point like the breath, tingling in the hands, the hum of an appliance or sounds of traffic in the distance.”

Does that sound familiar? There are of course numerous variations of this. You select an anchor to come back to whenever you realize that you’ve drifted away from the present moment and into the thoughts in your head.

And that’s it. It’s quite basic and yet we find ways to complicate it and make it a strenuous exercise.

You don’t necessarily have to sit, you can lie down or even stand if that works for you (or you’re practicing while queuing up for something).

There are no rules for mindfulness meditation. Yes, there are principles and/or steps to take, but no real way to do it “wrong”. The only thing that would be considered “incorrect meditation” would be going to meditate, but then spending all that time doing something else.

Last night, when I remembered that my meditation didn’t have to be a certain way and all I needed to do was simply to be and to be aware of myself being, it felt like a release. The last year has been difficult and there have been tough things that I have been required to do.

This felt like a gift, that I could rest and think, “Oh, yeah…I don’t have to do anything.” And I was so grateful for that moment.

Why do I make these things so much harder than they should be?

Bang a Gong: The Problem with the End-Of-Cancer Treatment Bell

(Title image: Photo by rhoda alex on Unsplash)

When I finished my final radiation treatment for breast cancer in 2017, I got to bang a gong as part of my cancer center’s tradition.

The gong-ringing marked getting to a milestone, one that I only dreamed about when I was handed my treatment plan. It felt like closure…except that I wasn’t really “done”—I still had months of Herceptin to go and years of endocrine therapy ahead of me. But the toughest chemo and radiation were over.

And those around me who weren’t done yet also celebrated along, just as I had for the patients that had gone before me, eagerly awaiting their turn at the gong. This tradition also occurs at many other cancer centers, although instead of a gong, it might be a bell or a chime or something similar.

However, as with many things that have to do with cancer, there is a more somber side to the end-of-chemo bell. As noted in this article from Psychology Today (“The Psychology of the Cancer Bell”), hearing the ringing of the bell can be devastating for someone with metastatic cancer, who will never be done with treatment, or is at late stages of the disease.

There are many other creative ways to commemorate the end of treatment for cancer than simply bell-ringing.
(Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)

The article also points out that in cases where someone experienced a cancer recurrence, hearing the bell rung by someone else elicited painful emotions. What should be a jubilant event for all can feel depressing and isolating, like being left behind.

But it goes beyond that. As a study by Williams et al. (2019, Int J Radiat Oncol) found, even those who are finishing their treatment might not have a positive response to ringing the bell. From the “Conclusion” section in the study’s abstract:

“Counter to our hypothesis, ringing the bell on the final day of RT [radiation therapy] worsens patients’ evaluation of overall distress from cancer treatment, and this distress persists and even worsens in the months after treatment. Emotional arousal created by ringing the bell may magnify the distress from cancer treatment and subsequently worsen the perception of distress from treatment.“

Not what I would have expected! And it certainly came as a surprise to the study’s authors.

These findings have been reflected in a reimagining of the completion bell. As the Psychology Today article mentions, some cancer centers are moving it’s location and renaming it the “Bell of Hope”, or providing different means of allowing patients to mark the stages of their treatment rather than focusing on “completion”.

Personally, I was looking forward to banging my gong and was more focused on what treats I could bring for the radiology staff and saying goodbye to all of them. But I can see why such a commemoration could be problematic, especially when so many parts of the cancer experience are stressful. You don’t need one more.

How about you? How do you feel about ringing a bell (or similar)? Is there something else that you did or would prefer?

REFERENCES

Leeby C, July 30, 2025, The Psychology of the Cancer Bell. Psychology Today Blog, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/consciously-creating-your-soul-life/202507/the-psychology-of-the-cancer-bell

Williams PA et al. (2019) The Cancer Bell: Too Much of a Good Thing? Int J Radiat Oncol, 105, 247-253. https://www.redjournal.org/article/S0360-3016(19)30838-7/abstract

For information on what Penn Medicine has done to reimagine the bell-ringing tradition:
Greer M, December 23, 2022, Redefining the Bell Makes the Ritual Inclusive for All Patients With Cancer. ONS Voice, https://www.ons.org/publications-research/voice/news-views/12-2022/redefining-bell-makes-ritual-inclusive-all-patients

Strength Training through Chemotherapy: A Case Study

(Title image: Photo by Luis Reyes on Unsplash)

It used to be that people undergoing chemotherapy for cancer were told to be careful with physical activity and restrict themselves to low- and moderate-intensity exercise. Even when I was going through cancer treatment eight years ago, there was concern about how much weight I was lifting for fear of eliciting lymphedema, although by that time, exercise was more encouraged.

I am so glad that our understanding of exercise and cancer has changed! This evolution in thinking is exemplified by a case study that was recently published in the journal Lifestyle Medicine (Rolle & Crane, 2025). The lead author and PhD student in Public Health at U of Miami, LaShae Rolle (age 27), was also a competitive powerlifter who was diagnosed with stage 2B estrogen receptor-positive breast cancer in 2024.

For LaShae, exercise was an integral part of her life, something to which I can relate. She worked with her team to create training sessions that aligned appropriately with her cancer treatments which consisted of four cycles of chemo following a mastectomy.

Remarkably, by modifying her workouts as needed, LaShae was able to maintain 93% of her squat strength (408 lbs of her 441-lb one-repetition maximum (1RM)) and 87% of both her bench press (254 lbs of her 292-lb 1RM) and deadlift (430 lbs of her 497-lb 1RM). This is so impressive considering that throughout her chemo treatment she was still able to squat and deadlift over 400 lbs!

Not surprisingly, attempting to train at high-intensity on the day following her first infusion (!) resulted in severe dizziness and fatigue. By the 3rd and 4th cycles of her chemo, Rolle found that delaying intense exercises for about a week following her infusions allowed her to train more effectively. Note that her chemo cycles were three weeks apart, allowing sufficient time to recover.

Exercising Through Breast Cancer: How One Powerlifter Defied Chemotherapy with Strength Training
Yes, you can train vigorously during chemotherapy!

Why keep training during chemotherapy? There is a rapidly increasing body of research that demonstrates the critical role that physical activity plays in recovery from cancer treatment and avoiding recurrence. Unfortunately, for people who view exercise as a chore or burden, being urged to maintain an exercise program while they’re undergoing something as punishing as chemotherapy may feel like an additional punishment.

But the benefits of exercising throughout treatment, as appropriate, are irrefutable. For those who haven’t previously exercised, it’s important to begin slowly, finding physical activities that are enjoyable and rewarding, eventually ramping up the challenge to include cardiovascular exercise, strength training, balance work and flexibility training.

For those for whom workouts are an integral part of their lives, being encouraged to continue exercising as we have prior to cancer is psychologically uplifting. I’ve written in earlier posts that working out was one of the few things that I could do that gave me a sense of control in the out-of-control landscape of a cancer diagnosis. It helped me feel “normal” when I felt anything but, and that was such an important part of mentally getting through treatment.

Bottom line: Participating in your regular exercise routine during chemotherapy is doable, with modifications, and the physical activity can help you get through the treatment process. While LaShae Rolle did experience treatment side effects, she was able to work around those to limit the amount of strength she lost during chemo to an impressive degree.

REFERENCES

Research Article:

Rolle LD & Crane TE (2025) Exercising Through Breast Cancer: A Case Study on Strength Training During Active Treatment. Lifestyle Medicine, 6, e70034. https://doi.org/10.1002/lim2.70034

Reader-friendly versions:

EurekaAlert!
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/1092107

University of Miami News Article
https://news.med.miami.edu/exercising-through-breast-cancer-how-one-powerlifter-defied-chemotherapy-with-strength-training/

Try a Little Tenderness

(Title image: Photo by Alin Luna on Unsplash)

This is a bit of a departure from the usual posts. But I was thinking about how my emotions get pushed and pulled during the course of the day…

Suffice it to say, we live in contentious times where people are compelled to take sides. That leads to an environment where we think badly of each other which, in turn, adds an underlying level of stress to our daily lives.

Perhaps you feel it like an annoying irritation, maybe a quickening of the heartbeat or an increase in your blood pressure. Heat under the collar. And suddenly you are imagining what a jerk the other person is.

All that based upon a single interaction. This is an unfair snapshot judgment of people and brings with it the kind of stress I don’t need.

So this is what I do. And I love the instant effect that it has on me.

When I find myself getting annoyed with someone—whether it’s a rude customer service representative, someone interviewed on the news with an extreme political view, even a person who cuts me off in traffic—instead of muttering something hateful under my breath, I pause and think.

What might be going on in someone’s life to cause them to act or think this way?

If you had the kind of day they did, you’d be in a bad mood too.
(Photo by Alex Greenberg on Unsplash)

Did the customer service rep receive bad news at home followed by an interaction with an aggressive customer?

Has the person with distinctly different world views had a frightening personal experience that affected them deeply?

Is the driver who cut me off in a hurry to help someone with a medical condition?

You can say that, no, all those people are just malicious, egotistical jerks. But in reality, they are far more than the two-dimensional view that we have of them. Their lives are as full as ours and they share the same struggles and dreams that we do.

I sit with these thoughts. The “empathy” muscle is an important one to exercise.

For some, this is hard work to do. When we feel slighted, it can be difficult to give someone the benefit of the doubt. And when political tensions are high, some people may feel that being emotionally generous towards someone with views they find odious is like “giving in” to them, letting them “win”.

But you are not losing anything by practicing empathy.

Why do I bring this up? Because this helps give us peace. It makes us less reactive and helps us see things more clearly. It provides space for our brains to function in. It relieves anxiety.

In the end, it makes the world a better place. And we all need that.

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Anger is exhausting. Hate bleeds around the edges. Welcome peace back into your life regardless of whether or not the other person deserves it.

“Dear Princess Kate, I Can Relate”

(Title image: Photo by Bence Balla-Schottner on Unsplash)

Over the last week or so, there have been a number of news articles focused on Catherine, Princess of Wales, who has been talking about life after finishing her cancer treatment.

She is officially in remission from her unspecified cancer, having completed chemotherapy. However, in a conversation on July 2 with hospital patients, staff and volunteers at Colchester Hospital in Essex (in southeast England), the princess noted that there was still more to endure once she was past her cancer treatment.

This is summed up from an article in USA Today (and numerous other outlets):

Kate described the cancer diagnosis and treatment as “life-changing” for both patients and their loved ones. “You have to find your new normal and that takes time … And it’s a roller coaster. It’s not smooth, like you expect it to be,” she said, according to the outlet. “But the reality is you go through hard times. … “You put on a sort of brave face, stoicism through treatment. Treatment’s done, then it’s like, ‘I can crack on, get back to normal,’ but actually the phase afterwards is really, really difficult.”

Wow, this is so relatable! I’m grateful that Kate is discussing life after cancer treatment, especially because she’s a highly public figure.

Many cancer survivors have experiences similar to Kate’s, particularly those, such as breast cancer survivors with hormone-positive cancers, who continue to take “maintenance” medications like tamoxifen and aromatase inhibitors. While many patients expect chemotherapy and radiation to be tough, they are often not prepared for the side effects associated with endocrine treatments that are prescribed to be taken for years after finishing everything else.

Princess Kate breaks with royal protocol in speaking frankly about the struggles following the end of cancer treatment.
(Video from TODAY)

But even without endocrine therapy, many cancer survivors are left with long-lasting side effects of varying severity. Some may be truly life-changing. Most of them will prevent a return to “normal” as we used to know it.

That normal, however, is what others may be expecting of you. Or you might expect of yourself. And that’s tough. Kate mentions the importance of reaching out for professional support if it is especially difficult to manage the phase following treatment, and I concur 100%.

Because it’s not simply the side effects…it’s the frustration that we feel with having the side effects linger. Or even the reactions of loved ones who don’t understand why things aren’t back to how they used to be. There is a grieving process associated with the loss of our previous lives that those around us may not appreciate, so I’m glad that Princess Kate is using her position to bring this out into the open.

Favorite Calm Things: Between Two (Furry) Ears

(Title image: still photo captured from “Between2Ears” Twitch stream)

I like finding some calming things to focus on when my brain is in overdrive. In my “Favorite Calm Things” series I’ve been mainly posting about streams on YouTube and Twitch.

Leyla, the star of Between2Ears.
(Photo from Twitch page)

So here’s another one that I adore! It’s called “Between2Ears” and chronicles walks in nature from the perspective of a dog named Leyla from Germany. The scenery is lovely, both the environment and Leyla’s soft and furry head. It’s one of those puppy heads that you’d love to sit and scratch.

These are not live streams, but they do run almost non-stop on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/between2ears) so there’s always something to watch…and it’s always daytime.

For those who aren’t interested in setting up a free Twitch account, there are also a number of videos of Leyla available on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@between2ears-virtualdogwal771/videos) featuring walks during different seasons of the year and in a variety of locations.

Leyla has a good camera set-up with an excellent gimbal that helps steady the image. There is a slight bounce to her step and while I don’t have any issues with it, check it out for yourself to see whether the movement is too much.

Watching the world between Leyla’s ears.
(Still photo captured from stream)

The stream and posted videos do a great job of recreating the experience of taking a curious puppy for a walk. Because the feed is recorded and slightly edited, you get the get good parts without mishaps or camera issues.

For me, as someone who adores dogs (and animals in general) but whose living situation currently prohibits me from having a pet of my own, this is such a sweet, calm way of experiencing the joy of a walk in nature with an inquisitive puppers. Until I’m in a place where I can again have a pet of my own, I can at least have this.

Hope you enjoy it too!

Oncology Yoga: It’s Not Just for Relieving Stress

(Title image: Photo by Raghu Nath on Unsplash)

Last week I finished up my 75-hour yoga4cancer (y4c) Oncology Yoga teacher training (wow, that’s a mouthful!).

It was about five months of some pretty hefty lessons that spanned the cancer experience, the science of cancer, the science of yoga, the y4c methodology and lots of practice, introspection and critique. And more!

What drew me to this particular specialized yoga training was that it uses yoga as an exercise modality for true mind-body fitness, not simply to help practitioners deal with the stress and anxiety related to a cancer diagnosis, but to tap into the physical benefits of exercise in helping manage treatment-related side effects and prevent cancer recurrence.

Oncology Yoga offers a safe and effective yoga practice keeping the needs of those touched by cancer paramount.
(Photo by Junseong Lee on Unsplash)

I recently spoke with someone who represented another cancer yoga certification. She felt that cancer patients and survivors were not looking for yoga that emphasizes exercise, they wanted the stress-relieving, nurturing aspects of a yoga practice.

And there is some truth to that. I myself made the most use of the Pranayama (breath work) and Dhyana (meditation) aspects of Patanjali’s Eight Limbs of Yoga, of which Asanas (poses) are only one limb, when I was going through my own cancer experience.

But on top of that, I continued to row and lift weights throughout treatment, exercising as soon as I got over the worst days of my chemo. Same thing throughout radiation treatment. Exercise made me feel strong and “normal”, and gave me a sense of control when everything else in my life seemed out of control. This was something *I* could do for myself. It gave me agency over my life.

There is a growing body of evidence that staying physically active before, during and after cancer treatment is incredibly beneficial for survival. The evidence-based y4c Oncology Yoga methodology offers sequences that are appropriate for cancer patients and survivors, taking into account cancer-related side effects. There is ample propping to support the needs of practitioners, while still allowing them to participate in many asanas that you would find in a yoga class that isn’t cancer-oriented, taking care to avoid those that could be harmful.

The y4c methodology incorporates generous propping to allow cancer survivors to participate fully in class while keeping themselves safe.
(Photo by Samantha Sheppard on Unsplash)

No doubt, the stress-relieving aspect of yoga is immensely critical also, at a time when a cancer patient/survivor may be dealing with existential fears. There are studies being run on the impact of mindfulness and meditation as they relate to cancer and results of this research are very promising on a variety of levels.

Oncology Yoga combines the two, mind and body. Breath connects with movement in this specialized vinyasa class. The sequences help with lymphatic drainage, bone and muscle building, relieving constipation, regaining range of motion and more, all the while slowing the breath, calming the mind, lifting the spirit, bringing in a sense of grounding and self-efficacy.

I am very excited about the y4c training and am working on integrating Oncology Yoga principles into classes that I offer. My intent is to use my franticshanti.com platform to post sequences and meditations in the future. Watch this space!