franticshanti

Rappeling Down through the Strata: A Grounding Exercise

^{(Title image: Photo by Outward Bound Costa Rica on Unsplash)}

It’s been a very weird few weeks for me. My stress levels have been climbing, and while I can kind of, sort of point to certain anxiety-provoking events that might be responsible…there’s nothing truly significant that would elicit this type of response.

Regardless, I’ve been spending more time in the “higher strata” of myself, and I don’t mean this in a good sense. Another way of putting it is that I’m all up in my own head, bouncing around and being pummeled by all sorts of thoughts, expectations, fears, unreasonable beliefs and the like.

Oooo, there I am, stuck in my own head.
(Photo by Taylor Brandon on Unsplash)

Usually I know when this is happening, but this time I was too preoccupied with the worries of those around me that I didn’t notice myself drift up and stake a camp in the swamp of my mind.

Even my meditations tended to get stuck up there. Time to rappel down.

I get myself down this way: first by acknowledging the mess that I’m dealing with in my head, the rainstorm whipping up swirling thoughts. Not all my concerns are unreasonable, but they are pointless to get hung up on in this moment.

Next, I focus on the noise on the street outside (there is always noise on our street, but the longer I listen, the greater chance that I’ll hear a bird or other wildlife sounds). I bring my attention out to the expanse around me—getting out of the cramped space between my ears.

That’s a nice break. But I can’t ignore myself forever. So I feel into the sensations on my face: the feeling of the air (hot or cool), noticing the weight of my glasses on my nose, perhaps an itch on the scalp or cheek.

And here I go, rappeling down to a place where I can ground myself and return to the present moment.
(Photo by Ben Kitching on Unsplash)

Then I drop down to my neck and shoulders, giving them a roll as I go, and then towards my chest. Here I pause and bring focus to my breathing. Usually that results in an automatic slowing of the breath, as I notice my ribs expand and contract.

But after a brief stay I rappel down and out more quickly, into my hands and feet. Noticing how my hands feel on whatever surface they lie. And how my feet feel against the earth.

I imagine that my feet are part of the bedrock, joining the rest of the Earth’s crust. Connected and solid, forming a stable base.

And from down here, I look back up to where those clouds around my head were bringing furious rain, and they seem so far away. I’m peaceful and unruffled here on the ground. Down here is what’s really happening in the present, without being affected by the past and future. And what’s happening is just what’s happening, neither good nor bad.

Taking a deep breath, maybe a yawn, I stretch my body out the way I do when waking from a long sleep, enjoying the slight shiver of the muscles.

And then, on to the rest of my day a little bit calmer.

“The Resilience Challenge”: Research Study and Master Class Registration

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This is a time-sensitive opportunity for US residents!

NOTE: all links are described at the bottom of this post.

I unexpectedly came across a great opportunity for those of you interested in taking a master class in stress management and also participating in a large research study.

Dr. Judith Moskowitz, a research psychologist at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, is recruiting 20,000 participants for an online, self-guided, positive emotions study/class. The course will teach eight science-backed stress reduction skills over 5 weeks, with the 6th week being a practice and review period (the entire length of the study will be 12 weeks). The skills being taught involve the following (from this National Public Radio (NPR) article):

Positive Events
Savoring
Gratitude
Daily Mindfulness
Positive Reappraisal
Self-Compassion
Personal Strengths
Attainable Goals

Additionally, NPR has an accompanying 5-week newsletter series called Stress Less that will help reinforce these skills. Signing up for that can be done here.

This other article from NPR talks about both the newsletter and the study/class.

More information and the registration link can be found on Dr. Moskowitz’s site where she describes what’s involved. To participate, you must be over the age of 18, living in the United States and have reliable internet connectivity as this is 100% online. There will be questionnaires to complete about your emotional states at the beginning and end of the study, and you will get nightly homework.

Consistency is the way to grow positive skills and behaviors, which is why I’m looking forward to participating in this class.
(Photo by Jane Thomson on Unsplash)

While the “nightly homework” thing might seem like too much, I can personally attest to the fact that consistency is what strengthens skills and habits. You keep yourself accountable by committing to a daily practice. For me, knowing that a course is set up for working on a little every day is actually quite reassuring—I know I’m more likely to get results.

But do these skills really work in reducing stress? Dr. Moskowitz herself said that she was initially skeptical that skills like these would make an appreciable difference, but years of positive research results changed her mind. The idea is to train your brain to experience good feelings.

I love programs like this because the only cost is a little effort on your part. If it doesn’t seem to work for you, you haven’t lost much, but if it works, the rewards can be life-changing.

As a cancer survivor with anxious tendencies, I find this to be a win-win proposition. I have signed up, as have several members of my family. If you are interested, don’t wait! The study is limited to the first 20,000 registrants and when the original NPR story came out on Monday, September 30th, the response was so overwhelming that it effectively shut the regstration site down.

Registration resumed on October 2nd and as far as I know there are still spaces available.

But the enthusiastic initial response to the invitation to join in the research was quite telling. So many of us are looking for a way to reduce our stress levels and bring more positivity into our lives. This challenge is one more way to do that.

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Links with descriptions:

NPR audio story featuring the Resilience Challenge: https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/09/27/nx-s1-5082364/anxiety-stress-positive-coping-class-skills

NPR article featuring the Stress Less newsletter and Resilience Study: https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/09/28/nx-s1-5084630/anxiety-stress-relief-tips-strategies

The Resilience Challenge registration information and link: https://www.moskowitzlab.com/resilience

NPR Stress Less newsletter sign up: https://www.npr.org/newsletter/stress-less?&utm_campaign=hpstory

The Pink Tsunami is Coming

^{(Title image: Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash)}

It’s that time of the year again.

I won’t lie, I have mixed feelings about the color pink these days, along with October’s “breast cancer awareness” paraphernalia popping up in stores, in promotions and all over social media. Some of us don’t need the reminder that breasts get cancer.

Breast cancer is probably the most popularized cancer there is, and I’m willing to bet that’s in part because there is a giddiness associated with yelling “SAVE THE BOOBIES” and not getting into trouble for it. It is also the most funded cancer (McIntosh et al., 2023, Lancet, for example) but to be fair, also one of the most common.

So you would think that by now I would be very accepting of all the pink ribbons on yogurt and fizzy drinks and whatnot. But amidst the rah-rah, October also brings with it the memories of feeling very alone with my disease. Once the chemo and radiation were done, I found myself wading through a new phase of life that I wasn’t prepared for.

This is a reminder to myself that it is a privilege to be here griping about October being so pink!
(Photo by Angiola Harry on Unsplash)

I thought I was “done”. And so did everyone else. But dealing with continued Herceptin infusions along with an uncertain future of endocrine therapy frustrated me because I felt I still had an excuse to feel crappy, but no one else thought I did.

And even with that frustration, I have a lot to be grateful for.

All the pink stuff and smiling faces have been so important in bringing so much generous funding to breast cancer research, which has resulted in great strides being made. There are other cancers that are painfully underfunded (for instance, pancreatic cancer, which also has high mortality rates), and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel some guilt about that. I cannot gripe about all the pink too much, because I am the beneficiary of all the money that has poured in.

Specifically, my triple-positive breast cancer was actually considered quite aggressive, but research resulted in new pharmaceuticals that have de-fanged that type of breast cancer and resulted in high survival rates. Even my oncologist remarked that he couldn’t remember the last time a HER2-positive patient of his suffered a recurrence, and he’s in his 70s. That says a lot.

So it seems disingenuous of me to lament all the screaming pink at the store. It seems equally disingenuous of me to wonder how much cancer took away from me that I would still have right now. Because one thing it didn’t take away was my life, and not everyone is that fortunate. Remembering that puts everything into perspective.

Aging Muscle: After Cancer Treatment and Menopause [PHOTOS]

^{(Title image: Photo by Samuel Girven on Unsplash)}

This is a reality check to demonstrate how, even with the greatest of intentions and planning, coupled with a serious love of exercise, you can’t turn back time.

And that’s okay.

But first, the comparison. Taken from this previous post, here’s a photo right before I started chemotherapy for triple-positive breast cancer, April 27, 2017:

April 27, 2017: I was exercising with a vengeance

After finishing chemo, radiation and Herceptin, AND after two years of estrogen-lowering Tamoxifen and a year into Letrozole, I’d lost some muscle even though I was lifting as heavy as I could.

This photo is from December 11, 2020:

December 11, 2020: Still exercising with a vengeance, but…

While I was still working out hard, endocrine therapy and menopause took their toll on my progress. Interestingly, estrogen is not simply a “feminizing” hormone; in women, it also helps preserve both muscle and bone mass. Menopause puts the breaks on estrogen production.

This becomes worrying as we age because less estrogen means weaker muscles which can lead to a greater risk of falls and chance of bone fractures. Endocrine therapy, which is designed to decrease the estrogen in the body in order to lessen the recurrence risk of hormone-sensitive breast cancer, adds to the problem.

And more than seven years after the top photo, this was taken today before posting, September 23, 2024:

September 23, 2024: New phone, different lighting (sorry!), more wrinkles, same moles. I’m working hard just to keep what I have, but loss is inevitable.

I’m still lifting but the entire landscape of my workout routines has changed. I have to give myself more recovery time between strength training sessions. I am much more susceptible to injuries—seriously, I can tweak something by turning or stretching out in a weird way. I have neuropathy in my feet which makes getting up on my toes (such as in plank or doing lunges) painful.

We recently had an intense heat wave: for a week the temperature inside our apartment didn’t fall below 80F degrees, and during the day it climbed as high as 95F degrees (again, INSIDE our apartment). I managed to work out through a chunk of that week, but the heat eventually got to me. And recovering from that took almost another week.

So, the spirit is willing but the flesh is barely managing at times.

However, there is an upside to being 58 years old with a lifetime of fitness experience. I still love working out. Even tough training sessions are manageable because they feel like an awesome accomplishment, and I feel bouyed afterwards.

Even on the days that I don’t do a formal workout, I make sure that I’m moving as much as I can. Fitness is an integral part of my life, even though it looks different now than it did seven years ago. In the post that I reference earlier, at the very bottom I wrote about how yoga was becoming a larger part of my life.

And that’s continued. Through my yoga teacher training in 2022 and upcoming yoga4cancer advanced training starting in January 2025, this direction feels so right for me.

While I don’t plan to give up my gym sessions anytime soon, yoga has given me a path to physical and mental fitness as I age. I am gradually moving into a more meditative approach to exercise that is less about intensity and more about staying healthy by integrating mind and body.

Elle Macpherson’s Cancer Story and the Missing Tumor Info

^{(Title image: Photo by Pierre Bamin on Unsplash)}

Following on the heels of my Elle Macpherson post last week, I wanted to fill in some missing info…

To back up, former supermodel Elle Macpherson revealed that she took the holistic route when deciding to treat her breast cancer in 2017. However, most of the news stories that reported and offered opinions on her choices left out some critical information, as noted by this article in The Guardian (“Crucial information missing in Elle Macpherson breast cancer story, experts warn“). In this case, that information makes a big difference.

While it seems that Elle’s cancer was HER2-receptor positive, which suggests a more aggressive cancer, it was considered “non-invasive”, meaning it was contained within the mammary ducts. Often, this is referred to DCIS, or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ, and at this point those of us with personal knowledge of the disease will knowingly go, “OOooooooh.”

This is basically a “precancerous” mass of cells and often the treatments are more conservative. It’s considered stage 0. Yes, it becomes more dangerous if you do nothing, but clearly Elle did something: she had it removed.

DCIS is a stage 0 cancer, which doesn’t necessitate the most aggressive treatment.
(Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash)

Beyond that, there are other conventional treatments offered, depending on how aggressively you want to go. This introduces the issue of potential overtreatment, which is gaining more attention among physicians and the public. It’s easy to throw the kitchen sink at anything that looks like cancer, but that increases the chances that patients unnecessarily experience damaging side effects. Not everyone needs to be smacked that hard with treatment.

So, given that Elle’s cancer was DCIS, her holistic treatment starts looking less extreme. In perspective, for stage 0, a radical mastectomy topped off with chemotherapy and other treatments leans towards overkill with minimal benefits, potentially affecting quality of life. So this is less about the types of Elle’s holistic treatments and much more about her cancer not requiring the same level of aggressive action as stage 1+ tumors.

However, very few of the news stories mentioned this. As a matter of fact, my own blog post last week might have confused the issue—I was writing without having all the facts. This underscores the importance of learning as much about your cancer as you can and understanding that your version of the disease may be very different from that of a friend with cancer.

In light of this, the pile-on regarding Elle’s treatment seems unfair…but only as it regards her personal situation. Because all the opinion pieces that came out against her choices, including my post, did so for a critical reason: that Elle’s story (“follow your heart”) may turn a cancer patient away from much-needed and beneficial treatment that can prolong their lives.

Get the facts, talk to your team, understand what you’re up against and what your risks are—yes, meditate, pray, exercise, change your diet. But don’t try to wish your cancer away.

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To clarify, Elle did indeed decline even less radical treatments such as endocrine therapy, so one could argue that she’s still taking a risk. We don’t have a crystal ball to determine whether this was the wisest choice, Elle believed it was the right choice for her.

The Dangers of Elle Macpherson’s Cancer Treatment Choices

^{(Title image: Photo by Naser Tamimi on Unsplash)}

Supermodel Elle Macpherson recently made the news with an interview with the Australian Women’s Weekly magazine when she revealed her breast cancer diagnosis.

She was diagnosed in 2017 (as I was!), so the fact that she’s here and talking about it suggests that her treatment worked.

But what was her treatment? According to the article, following diagnosis Elle consulted with 32 doctors (and experts, although it’s unclear in what) and ultimately decided to follow a holistic treatment path. In her own words, “an intuitive, heart-led, holistic approach”.

She decided to forego a mastectomy in favor of a lumpectomy (as I also did) but also dispensed with the conventional chemotherapy, radiation and hormone therapy (I went the conventional route).

So let me clarify some things here: Elle had the lump removed. If the cancer had not spread (which presumably it hadn’t) AND no rogue cancer cells had gotten out AND the surgeon confirmed “clear margins” upon excision of the tumor, it’s certainly possible that all evidence of the cancer was removed from Elle’s body with that surgery.

As we survivors know, everyone’s cancer is different. That’s why we discourage comparing tumors or offering advice. What works for one person may not for another because so much depends on the state of the individual…and probably on a lot of other factors that we are not even aware of, even with present day advances in cancer treatment.

Elle has even stated that her treatment is not for everyone. Who knows, she might have said this for legal reasons…because you can see what’s going to happen. While Elle, as a former supermodel, businesswoman, etc., might have access to whatever specialists and level of care she desires, most of us will not.

Do you feel lucky? Rejecting conventional cancer treatments in favor of clinically unproven ones can be a big gamble.
(Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash)

Elle asserted: “I want to help and encourage others to follow their heart and give things a go.” Sadly, when it comes to something as slippery as cancer, following our hearts is not always the best choice of action, no matter how much we want it to be.

My concern is that a newly-diagnosed breast cancer patient, fearful of the admittedly-harsh treatments that modern medicine offers, might decide to take Elle’s path (“she did it so I can too!”). But unless this person is independently wealthy or otherwise connected, they will have to cobble together a questionable plan with minimal support, and possibly fall prey to unscrupulous players looking to make a buck out of someone’s desperation.

And in these days of growing suspicion of science and the advice of doctors—brought on by pandemic-related missteps or perceived draconian measures—the chance of patients rejecting well-worn treatments is even more likely. Statistically, this would result in more lives lost to the disease.

When I made my own treatment choices, I didn’t go with the harshest stuff that my oncologist offered, opting for very effective (and, yes, cardiotoxic) Herceptin immunotherapy instead of lobbying my insurance to cover the even-more-effective (but even more toxic) Perjeta for my HER2+ cancer. I also had to cut my hormone therapy short by a number of years due to how it affected my ability to exercise, which has also been shown to have a strong effect on preventing cancer recurrence. These were measured choices, as it’s clear that Elle’s were.

At the same time, in the back of my mind I know I can’t say I did everything I could to blast my cancer into submission. But I do feel that taking everything into consideration, I did enough. My oncologist agrees.

As far as Elle’s treatment is concerned…I also did a number of things that she did, including meditation, exercise, therapy (our cancer center was very supportive of complementary therapies) and more. I cannot say how much conventional treatments vs. complementary ones contributed to my remission, but I assume each played a role. And the combination gave me peace of mind, which I would not have had, had I chosen only alternative therapies.

Ultimately, I hope we get to the point where we can eliminate the most toxic treatments and heal ourselves more gently. Ideally, we’d even prevent cancer. Huge strides have been made in cancer treatment, but we are not there yet. Every time we decline a proven treatment, we roll the dice. I’m hoping that Elle’s story does not unnecessarily put people with fewer resources at risk.

I Saw My Oncologist…and Left Ridiculously Happy

^{(Title image: Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)}

Yep, this is another installment of “I had another oncologist appointment today”. This time I’m marking seven years since completing my chemo treatment, which I can assure you at the time was a very happy event…

…marred only by that little nail infection a few weeks later. But don’t go there unless you have a strong stomach.

Regardless, I had a great meeting with my oncologist. The concern now is about whether I’m experiencing anything cancer-related, either long-term side effects or—perish the thought—a recurrence. Today the answer was neither.

We talked about the recent death of my father…and that’s pretty much the way the appointment went–catching up on the last six months. Naturally, I forgot to tell him about a bunch of the other concerns I had, little weird things in my body. But really, they’re not unusual given what I’ve gone through.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I need to slow down when interpreting body sensations as health problems. Usually they’re not. (Even though once they were cancer.)
(Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash)

We did, however, discuss how it takes a little while to get used to all those sensations in your body. After cancer, I was on high alert. My medical team was asking detailed questions about what I was feeling, and as a result, I was laser-focused on every twitch and twinge…and maybe some that I just imagined. At one point, I was sent for a brain MRI because of what I feared were serious cognitive issues. But in reality it was anxiety, not a tumor.

Seven years out, however, you kinda get expect all those funny sensations and don’t interpret them as being dangerous anymore. Even the heart palpitations that I would get from time to time…yeah, I still get those, maybe once a week, maybe a couple of times a month. But they only last a handful of seconds and I no longer think that my heart is failing (especially not when I can turn around and do a HIIT workout). I haven’t been back to the cardiologist and my oncologist agrees that it’s not necessary.

He asked if I wanted to come back in six months. Sure, I like being back in the Cancer Center as *NOT* a cancer patient. It’s nice being there and remembering doing jigsaw puzzles in the radiation oncology waiting room, or even feeling well-taken-care of after my treatments were done. There ARE positive memories in a place that you’d think would only be negative.

That can change very quickly, of course. But for the time being, I’m feeling happy.

Reconsidering Yoga Adjustments

^{(Title image: Photo by Shashi Chaturvedula on Unsplash)}

There is an expectation in the US that yoga practitioners are all young and flexible with great balance, but we know that’s not the case. Many people who might benefit the most from a yoga practice are certainly not.

When I started Yoga Teacher Training (YTT), there were two assumptions that most of us made:

“Full expression of the pose” is not accessible to every yoga practitioner.
(Photo by Carl Barcelo on Unsplash)

Every yogi strives for the “full expression of the pose”, suggesting that there is one perfect way to perform a yoga asana.
An important responsibility of a yoga teacher is to move students into the full expression of the pose, using hands-on adjustments if necessary.

Those two assumptions may:
(1) discourage students from yoga practice, particularly when you consider that yoga originally developed as a practice for men, and asanas do not necessarily take into consideration the female body (or diverse body shapes) even though the majority of practitioners in the US are female; and (2) may compel newly-minted yoga teachers to push students into positions that are wrong for their body shapes and can cause harm to them.

During YTT, however, we learned that the “full expression of the pose” as a concept was no longer taught and teachers were discouraged to refer to asanas in that way, no doubt in an effort to be more welcoming to a broad range of people.

My person belief is that hands-on adjustments are not necessary for yoga under most circumstances.
(Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash)

We also learned how to do hands-on adjustments. The idea was that you needed to check with the student whether they wanted to be adjusted.

However, I myself have received adjustments in classes that I hadn’t requested or agreed to. It’s never been harmful to me and generally felt good, especially in settings where I couldn’t check my form in a mirror. Futhermore, the classes tended to be higher level, so there was probably an assumption on the part of the instructor that you’re in a more intense class for a reason, otherwise you’d be in a lower level class.

But you can probably see where I’m going with this. I tended to be one of the oldest students in these classes. I’ve done yoga (and a range of other exercise modalities) for decades, but my flexibility and balance have taken a hit from cancer treatment and various injuries. Unless a teacher is sensitive to that, we can run into trouble.

Additionally, I’ve seen less-experienced students attend more difficult classes because they were coming with a friend or couldn’t get to the easier class that they wanted, and decided to just “do their best”. That should always be good enough without putting a student at harm.

Yogis come in different shapes, sizes and levels of flexibility…and that’s okay.
(Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on
Unsplash)

My personal feeling? Stick with gentle verbal adjustments to relay the spirit of the asana and cue according to the class’ level, understanding that students will have varying ranges of flexibility. I do not feel comfortable doing hands-on adjustments unless the student is requesting it AND I know the student well enough to be familiar with their limitations, if any. That means verbal adjustment for students in a general class vs. POSSIBLY hands-on adjustments for a student that I’m teaching privately, where we can talk through how the asana feels in their body. Quite often, I will forgo hands-on adjusting altogether.

Finally, I leave you with a quote from the YogaUOnline.com website. Charlotte Bell proposes a difference definition of “full expression”, in an excellent article titled, What is Full Expression in Yoga Practice?: “Full expression arises in a pose when our bodies are aligned such that the wave of the breath is free to circulate throughout the body. It also happens when we have invested our full attention into the sensations arising as we move and breathe in the pose. The full expression is not dependent on what a pose looks like.”

“I Can’t Do It…But If I Could…”

^{(Title image: Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash)}

What would that feel like?

After a few weeks away for a funeral in my hometown, it’s not so simple to jump back into what I was doing before.

This has led to some ‘motivation’ issues (complicated by the grieving process, no doubt). As a result, I’ve been reviewing how I tackle difficult tasks. Before I undertake anything that I consider less palatable, it’s not unusual for me to have some sort of visceral reaction to the idea of the task. I think this is true for many of us. And we might not even be aware that this is taking place.

Encountering resistance to initating projects?
(Photo by Peyman Shojaei on Unsplash)

But if that response is strong enough and negative enough, it can shut down the possibility of accomplishing the task in front of us.

If we can’t get past that point, we don’t tackle the things we should. Unfortunately, those may be the kinds of things that help us grow personally, professionally, health-wise and the like.

So I have a suggestion for you. The next time you have that “ugh, I can’t do that” reaction, stop and consider:

* But…what if I could?
* How would I go about taking care of that? What steps would I take?
* What would it feel like to know that I was doing it?
* How great would it feel to be done?

When you start answering these questions for yourself, several things happen. You introduce the possibility of starting, making it less daunting. Sometimes that’s the hardest part. You open up a path for moving forward, breaking down what needs to be done into small steps. You may imagine yourself taking care of things and bring them into reality.

So what does this look like? Take cleaning as an example, something that I usually put off. “House cleaning” as a concept may seem like a monolithic undertaking. There are so many other things that I’d like to be doing, and many of them important. But consider, what might it be like to just, say, grab the vacuum cleaner and vacuum one area…yeah, that seems doable. And maybe after that, just empty some trash cans. How would it feel to do that? Not to get bogged down in the process but to move through it.

The “Done” List

Try a different kind of list. Instead of (or in addition to) a “to-do” list, make a “done” list. Write down everything you’ve accomplished. It can feel really good to see what you’ve done and more positive than simply crossing off items on a “to-do” list since you’re adding accomplishments instead of taking away tasks.

Note your accomplishments instead of simply crossing out tasks.
(Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash)

If you have a particularly difficult time getting motivated, split your already-split-up tasks up into even smaller parts: instead of waiting until you’ve “vacuumed the house” to write it down, note that you “vaccuumed the entry way”, “vacuumed the front part of the living room”, even “vaccumed the doormat”. It counts. Because no matter what you’ve done, it’s still better than not having done anything, even if it’s just one thing.

Let your own need for putting completed tasks behind you be the guide for how granular to get with this.

I do this when I clean. And, yes, my go-to is the vacuum to get started. Or sometimes the toilet. But it could also be doing the dishes, something that I’ve actually dreaded in the past but realized that it takes a surprisingly short time. Our brains are what stop us from proceeding so make the process rewarding to your gray matter.

Many of the tasks that we don’t undertake are simpler, easier and take less time than we anticipate (or fear!). The key is to not psych ourselves out, instead breaking them down into bite-sized pieces and recognizing their completion as a reality. Even if you don’t do it all, you’ve done part, bouyed by the knowledge that it doesn’t have to be perfect to count. This builds positive associations with getting things done.

No matter how much you do, it’s all good.

Staying Present in Discomfort: Being Here When You’d Rather Not

^{Title image: Photo by Tolga Ulkan on Unsplash}

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Thank you everyone for your patience during this time of my father’s passing from cancer and dementia. I have appreciated the quiet visit to my childhood home, supporting my mother and being comforted by close friends and relatives.
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There are times that the present moment is an uncomfortable place to be in.

That’s when things are not going well and you want the current situation to be over so that you can move past it and onto healing. But one could argue that this is exactly the time you need to sink even deeper into the present moment.

And even more important to get more granular and still. To observe what is going on even more closely. To understand the important of this very point in time, how it will never come again in the same way. And even in this discomfort there is something to learn, something to lean into, something to accept.

I felt this strain while my father was still in in-home hospice, declining at a pace that was both quick and slow depending on what you’re focusing on. It evoked an axiety in me: wanting to hold on to him and save him–but knowing that this was an impossibility. The tug of time is unrelenting, taking everything with it like a glacier or a tsunami that continues onward no matter what is in its way.

But this is also an opportunity to remember that the impermanence of life does not take away from the joy and beauty of it. Dropping down into what is happening right now, taking a front seat on top of that glacier/tsunami, and allowing everything to be here is the way to appreciate all of this.

So while I would rather that the things that were happening not be happening, I couldn’t stop them. I sat here trying to understand my feelings and allowing gratitude for my father’s long life to remain in the forefront. There was peace in knowing that he was living his last days at home, in familiar surroundings with my mother there.

I could have made all sorts of stories up about what he was feeling or thinking, but the reality is that I didn’t know. So I didn’t pretend and instead noticed the sounds around me, the feeling of the air on my skin and the knowledge that my father’s imminent passing unscored all the many things about him and my own life that I have to be thankful for.

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It’s easier to ignore reality and think about other things, but that doesn’t help us deal with them.