Advent 2025: Refusing Good Cheer

(Title image: Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

If you’re following my Advent experience, you’ll know that I had a teensy bit of trouble getting into the swing of things as far as reenergizing my mindfulness practice was concerned. But as I mentioned in my last post, the trick was regular and frequent (3x an hour) reminders to stop, take a breath and return to the present.

This strategy worked so well that these thrice-hourly breaks opened the door for gratitude to seep in. The extra-deep breath slowed everything down and made it easier to notice how “okay” things were around me.

That’s a reminder that I think we all need. So innocently, in casual conversations, I mentioned to friends how I found this Advent practice to be particularly uplifting because it allowed me some time and space, even if only a sliver, to realize there was so much good stuff going on.

And, ok, since I had such a positive experience with my deep breath and gratitude, I (gently) encouraged others to try it.

Psst! It’s that gratitude thing again.
(Photo by Thiago Rocha on Unsplash)

Well, just like unsolicited advice is wont to do, I didn’t get the greatest reaction to what I felt was simply finding light when things feel dark. Many people that I know have worries and hardships and things-to-be-angry-about, and sometimes, when difficulties abound…let’s just say that there’s not a lot of enthusiasm for making yourself feel better.

[Note: I am not suggesting “everything is 100% awesome” toxic positivity! This is about finding little things to appreciate.]

I think it’s very human to resist gratitude at times, especially when you feel you’ve been wronged and might believe that letting go of hurt and anger is like “letting the other side win”, so to speak.

But it is interesting to ponder how we can stubbornly cling to feelings of hurt and agitation if we convince ourselves that making ourselves miserable is how we further our cause. As if nurturing your discontent makes you more focused in fighting for your way. But I’m not convinced that this is beneficial; all it does is increase your stress levels, which introduces physical and emotional repercussions.

Instead, in allowing ourselves to soften and appreciate the good around us, we can lift our spirits. By calming ourselves and creating space, we think more clearly, respond more appropriately and ultimately are more productive.

There’s a lot think about this week—I am amazed at the difference that one little breath timer has made, and I’m so grateful for it.

Advent 2025: Expectation vs. Reality

(Title image: Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash)

Or, “if at first you don’t succeed…”

I had planned out my Advent to incorporate a return to peace through mindfulness after a particularly difficult year. It wasn’t supposed to be overly involved or unattainable.

As a matter of fact, I figured it would be simple to slide back into staying more present, particularly since we are heading into one of my favorite times of the year. Hourly check-ins, more dedicated meditation time, a concerted effort at staying present all day long and avoiding anxious reactivity—oh, the blissful calm that would flood my life!

Hmmm, this did not go according to plan.
(Photo by Alan Rodriguez on Unsplash)

Instead, none of that happened. I was still running up until bedtime when I’d scramble to meditate. Continuously forgot to set an hourly reminder to return to mindfulness. Found myself being yanked around emotionally. And I didn’t even unpack any of the remaining moving boxes that are sitting around the new apartment.

An entire week of Advent was gone and I felt like I frittered it away. I was expecting to feel a bit more grounded by now, but I’m not even getting a decent night’s sleep.

So, I sat down to take a look at where I ran off the road. And truthfully, I was never even on one.

I stated my intention for Advent in last week’s post…and then aimlessly wandered off into the woods.

This is a good reminder that mindfulness doesn’t happen on its own, no matter how long you’ve been practicing it. By its very definition, it requires attention.

Funny, in order to practice mindfulness, you kinda need to be mindful about it.

This time, I had a brilliant idea: why not actually DO the thing that I planned to do?
(Photo: @FranticShanti)

Enough belly-aching. I brushed myself off, hiked up my pants and did the following: I set a timer. This could have been any sort of timer, but I used the Plum Village smartphone app’s “Bell of Mindfulness” timer, set to ring (well, “bong” actually) once every 20 minutes from 8am to 8am.

It’s a low, soulful tone that rumbles through whatever else I’m doing, while at the same time not sounding intrusive.

When I hear the “bong”, I take a deep breath and notice what that feels like. Quite often, that breath turns into a deep sigh and I realize that my breath before was shallower. So I take a few more deep breaths.

That type of diaphragmatic breathing, into the belly, activates the parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system, and thereby the relaxation response.

Then I go back to my work until I hear the next “bong” and this process repeats.

By mid-afternoon, I found that I was much more aware of my breath and was breathing deeper during the interval between the bonging. And that was just the first day.

Ahhhh, this was a much better plan than my previous “no-plan” plan. Yes, I was bummed that I hadn’t implemented an actual plan a week ago, but here I am now and it’s working well.

The best part is, you can’t really “fall behind” on being mindful. Unlike where I am with my Advent cheese calendar…

Advent 2025: Turning Inward

(Title image: Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash)

Sunday, November 30 marks the start of Advent. While this is a time period associated with a Christian tradition that encompasses the four Sundays and intervening weeks preceding Christmas—and is considered a season of preparation—I believe that it’s a season that can be appreciated by all, regardless of religious beliefs.

Certainly, stores are very willing to cash in on Advent calendars, some of which are extremely elaborate and quite expensive. That’s a sad reminder that where there’s a tradition, there’s a way to make money off of it.

Yep, there’s an Advent calendar for that.
(Photo: @FranticShanti)

There are more mindful ways of treating this season. While I celebrate Advent every year, as I’ve gotten older, the way that I focus on this time of the year has changed.

It used to be common to “give something up” for Advent. As a child, it was generally sweets, so that when the Christmas holiday came around, we would enjoy desserts all the more.

However, there are more meaningful ways to spend the 3+ weeks prior to end-of-year holidays.

Instead of “giving up” something that I might simply go back to once the holidays hit, I use Advent to help me form new and important habits, or to reinforce practices that I might have allowed to slip.

This year year has been a challenging one for me. I found myself pushing meditation back to evening time, right before bed…and I’d often fall asleep before I was done.

With so many changes and stressors in my life, I have spent too much of the day running, exhausted and not paying attention to what my body and mind are feeling. So for this Advent season, I’ve decided to reacquaint the rest of my day with staying mindful and present.

We can all use a reminder to remain mindful throughout our day.
(Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)

Therefore, my focus has turned inward. I am paying more attention to sensations in my hands and feet, starting with the physical aspects of making my morning coffee (decaf) and tea (matcha). I have set a reminder on my phone to check in at least once an hour to see where my body is in space, no matter where I am. When I do so, I consider how long it’s been since I stretched my limbs or had a drink of water. In doing so, I anchor myself in the present moment and remember that difficulties ebb and wane like the tides.

Yes, I still have a lot of take care of, and the last month brought some painful changes that I have to fully deal with. And I can’t truly “slow down” at work the way some might suggest. But mindfulness works with my schedule.

Staying present means that I can keep pace with my responsibilities instead of allow them to run roughshod over me, since it helps me avoid a sense of overwhelm. Yes, that requires discipline as my tendency is to allow myself to get swept up in the torrent of anxiety and busyness that is my life. But I remain conscious of the fact that I get done what I can, and that is enough.

For anyone who feels that this isn’t “religious” enough, I disagree. I find that experiencing the present moment may be one of the most sacred things that you can do. You honor the nature of the season by being a participant in it, not simply a passive passenger in the whoosh of activities that mindlessly steamroll us through the holidays in the New Year.

I wish you a joyous Advent season!

A Thanksgiving Thought and Imminent Return

(Title image: Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash)

I’ve taken a month or so off from posting due to our apartment move, but I should be back next week.

If there’s one thing that this move has taught me is that sometimes the things you fear the most (like change, for example) end up being what you need the most.

In our case, this move has come with so many positives…including a major purging of belongings that has created not only physical space, but also some much-needed headspace.

There is a certain lightness of being that releasing possessions we don’t need or use anymore has brought us.

This is just what I needed coming into Thanksgiving season. Granted there have been some unexpected and painful changes too, but I can be grateful for what we have had and enjoyed thus far.

So if you celebrate Thanksgiving, make sure to take time to consider all the things around you and, regardless of whether they’re good or bad, what they have taught you.

Have a wonderful week!

Breast Cancer: Know When to Say When

(Title image: Photo by Marius Serban on Unsplash)

This is going to be short because I’m on the cusp of moving my family to a new apartment…and that’s going to take more work now that one of our cars is finally having its damage repaired.

So this is a gentle reminder to slow down and look around once in a while. Life’s obligations can push us like a bulldozer and we might not notice that we’re worn out until something happens that forces us into a mini-vacation.

Something, perhaps, like chemotherapy.

Who needs some love? You do.
(Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash)

And if you need a cancer diagnosis (or a broken bone or the flu or…) to give you a break from the pressures of work and family, then I think we can all agree that your mental health needs more love than you’ve been giving it.

Yes, easier said than done. But there are little breaks you can take. A 10-minute body scan meditation or guided breathing practice. A matcha tea break where you focus on the movements of your hands as they prepare your cup. Staring out the window and counting trees/people/cars.

It doesn’t have to be a pricey spa day. You can have a spa inside your head with a phone app and a set of headphones. You just need to care enough about yourself to allow this.

Believe me, I care about you and I don’t even know you. You are the whole reason why I started this blog and why I keep it going, even eight years after my diagnosis. I hope it helps you remember that you are worth being cared for. ❤

Breast Cancer: Life in the Breakdown Lane

Last week, I walked out to my car, which had been parked on the street, to find that someone had hit it. The driver’s side mirror was ripped off, the wheel cover was smashed and the side was dented.

Two things immediately became evident: 1) we were lucky that the person responsible had left us a note with their phone number, (2) we were going to have to completely restructure our travel expectations for the foreseeable future.

While I found a lot to be grateful for in the situation, it also reminded me of a traffic analogy that I have used to describe what happens after you’re handed a cancer diagnosis.

Diagnosis? That’ll throw a wrench into your current plans.
(Photo by Scott Greer on Unsplash)

Being told you have cancer is like getting into a traffic accident: you’re moving along with everyone else in their cars, focusing on getting to where you need to be, and then all of a sudden *CRASH*.

You pull your car over to the side, still stunned by the collision, and take stock of the damage to both your vehicle and yourself.

And as you stand there, all that traffic that you were moving along with has left you behind. You are no longer part of the natural flow of things. All the plans that you had to be somewhere and expectations for what you were going to do this week and next…all of that stops.

You hear the noisy din of traffic and the “Dopplered” sounds of cars zooming by, feeling the whoosh of air as they pass. But when there’s a lull in the traffic, the quiet brings on loneliness, as if the other travelers have moved on and you’ve been forgotten.

The rest of life whooshes by you.
(Photo by Viktor Kiryanov on Unsplash)

Now you have to rework your life. Instead of taking your ability to move through the city for granted, you’re scrambling to figure out what you’re going to have to cancel, how you’ll get to where you need to go and what the immediate future will look like until you get your car back in working order.

In the meantime, you see everyone else progressing along, as they have been, completely unaware of what life looks like in the breakdown lane. Having pleasant conversations, arriving at work on time, meeting with business associates, eating from cafeteria salad bars without the need to double disinfect their lettuce and tomatoes.

Not needing to schedule multiple appointments or surgeries or infusions or radiation treatments. It is such a different life!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shortly after receiving a cancer diagnosis there’s so much going on that it can be difficult to articulate everything you’re feeling, and those around you might have a hard time relating. I’ve found that this analogy can be helpful in relaying what the experience is like.

See if this works for you too.

Breast Cancer: Finding Gratitude as a Cancer Patient

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I’m not going to lie, gratitude can be difficult to navigate as a cancer patient.

When you’re mourning your diagnosis and trying to hold yourself together from the shock, the last thing you want is for some sunny person to tell you to think about everything you’re grateful for.

At such a time, it can be very difficult to think of anything. I, personally, felt a lot of anger, bitterness and even betrayal after I was told I had breast cancer. It wasn’t a great set of feelings to sink into, but that was my reality.

While I tried doing gratitude practices, in the beginning the process was miserable and felt “fake”. The whole notion of being grateful struck me as forced and required me to think about things I didn’t want to focus on.

Tough to be grateful? Make a list of what doesn’t suck.
(Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash)

However, what helped me was making a list. It started out as a list of things about which I could say, “well, at least this didn’t happen” and slowly shifted to “well, this thing made my life easier”. It enabled me to find positives that I had otherwise overlooked.

I wasn’t grateful for getting cancer. But having bosses whose wives had survived breast cancer made it easier for them to understand what I was going through…and also to offer some useful advice (as did their wives).

I didn’t have the luxury of not working throughout treatment, but I was glad that a series of big projects had ended the previous year, so I didn’t have a huge workload waiting for me at the office. And while I really wished I could have had a full-time income, my part-time position meant that I had an easier time shifting my schedule to accommodate appointments and days off following infusions.

Additionally, it was fortunate that the region in which I live had a number of highly lauded cancer centers. And my cancer center offered free counseling by excellent therapists specifically trained to work with cancer patients.

It was also a plus that the summer during which I had my chemo infusions ended up being mild—luckily, since we didn’t have air conditioning—and my fear of enduring nausea through hot summer days never became a reality.

My list got longer and longer.

Opening the door to gratitude soothes the overwrought mind.
(Photo by Pedro Ramos on Unsplash)

So little by little, I started to pick through all the things that ended up better than they could have been. I didn’t call it “gratitude” at first because I was still bitter and refused to accept that there was anything to be grateful for. But the more things that came up that made me realize how much better the situation had turned out…the easier it was to finally come around to the idea that, even in the midst of the crappiest-thing-that-could-happen, there truly were things that I could l squeeze out a bit of gratitude for.

It took time. But when I loosened my grip on bitterness, I allowed in a swell of gratefulness, so much so that it was almost overwhelming how, if I had to get cancer, if it truly had to happen, there were so many things that had gone right. I started feeling so much better emotionally.

So my advice to anyone who wants to try out that “gratitude stuff” to see why it’s so great for your mental health: be gentle, start slowly and don’t tell anyone you’re doing it. This is a private practice for you. When you finally allow yourself to zero in on those little things that aren’t so bad or are kind of fortuitous given the situation, you may find that they buoy your spirits.

That’s all it takes. Not need to rush. Let the appreciation come to you.

Breast Cancer: Surviving the High Cost of Treatment

(Title image: Photo by Alexander Mils on Unsplash)

Since we are now in the Pink Season, otherwise known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month, in the midst of encouraging mammograms and regular clinical exams, it’s also useful to consider a very important barrier to obtaining cancer treatment and services in the United States: cost.

This is particularly distressing because breast cancer research has been very well-funded and treatments are quite effective for most forms of the disease, with great strides also having been made in understanding some of the most aggressive variants.

But according to a 2021 memo from the the American Cancer Society’s Cancer Action Network, 61% of (all) cancer patients describe paying for their treatment to be “somewhat or very difficult”.

It is striking that financial difficulty affects the majority of cancer patients. Obviously, the lower the family income, the greater the hardship, with 80% of patients having to “make financial sacrifices to cover their health care expenses, including 44% who’ve dipped into their savings, 36% who’ve gone into credit card debt to pay medical bills and nearly a quarter who say they did not schedule or cancelled an appointment or procedure because of cost.”

None of this will come as a surprise to you if you’ve ever had to pay for healthcare in the United States. Suffice it to say, we have a problem with affordability here.

Aside from the stressors of the disease and treatment side effects, many people have the added anxiety of not being able to afford the cost of cancer care.
(Photo by Woliul Hasan on Unsplash)

I was one of the very lucky ones in this regard, as my husband and I both work for non-profit research institutes with generous benefits. At the time of my diagnosis, we were enrolled in an employer sponsored PPO (Preferred Provider Organization) insurance plan with a per-person, out-of-pocket yearly maximum of $2000. When we initially signed up for the coverage, I thought the increased cost of the PPO was unnecessary as we were all quite healthy. However, after my diagnosis, I was struck by how blessed we were to even have this degree of health coverage as an option.

Clearly, my family is in the minority in our good fortune. We were able to avoid the financial fears and burdensome debt, even bankruptcy, that affect so many other cancer patients. Cancer care is devastatingly expensive, particularly for those with little to no insurance coverage, or insurance coverage with extremely high deductables.

What options do you have if you find yourself delaying care due to finances?

*Start with your cancer center’s social workers. They have experience in helping patients and survivors who are dealing with financial hardship and can point you in the right direction.
* Visit the Cancer Financial Assistance Coalition (CFAC) website, which has a database that you can search according to your cancer type and financial needs to find a list of charitable organizations that can offer support for your situation.
*For medicines that are not covered by insurance, pharmaceutical companies may offer deep discounts on their drugs. Reach out to them directly. They would rather sell you a heavily discounted medication than not make a sale at all.

Even when it seems that your luck has run out, there are still options available to ease your financial burden. Unfortunately, the healthcare system might not change anytime soon, but please know that supportive charities can to lend a hand as you make your way through the cancer maze.

Breast Cancer: Do You Know Your Risks?

(Title image: Photo by Michael Shannon on Unsplash)

Since we’re creeping up on October, commonly known here as the very pink Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought it might be a good time to post the most common risk factors for breast cancer…and then explain the problem with focusing on them.

For reference, I used the risk factor list posted on the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website. The CDC’s list focuses on women, as they are the ones at greatest risk of developing breast cancer; a shocking 1 in 8 women (~12%) will develop breast cancer at some point in their lives.

But on to the list. The CDC divides breast cancer risk factors into two categories: risk factors that you cannot change and risk factors that you can change.

The ones that you cannot change are the following:

Age – The older you are, the greater the risk, with the majority of cases occuring in women aged 50 and above. Last I checked aging was still a thing, so we’re all heading in this direction.

Genes – BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations put you at significantly greater risk for breast and ovarian cancer. This is one family heirloom that you’re better off not inheriting.

Age at first menstruation and menopause – Starting periods before age 12 and menopause after age 55 exposes you to higher levels of circulating female hormones for a longer time. The longer you steep in hormones, the more chance of developing the cancer. This is a little unfair, I think, because estrogen also helps maintain muscle mass, bone density and skin elasticity which are all good things, but that’s how it goes.

Breast density – The denser the breast tissue, the higher the risk. Denser tissue also potentially makes it more difficult to detect tumors. Dense breast tissue is less fatty and more fibrous and glandular…and more likely to occur in women with lower bodyfat, which is ironic considering it’s also better to leaner (see below).

Find out your family history of cancer and explore your genes.
(Photo by Antonino Visalli on Unsplash)

Personal and family histories of cancer and other breast diseases – Having had previous breast cancer yourself or in a close family member (including ovarian cancer) may raise your risk. This is a great reason to make health a family affair and encourage everyone around you to do what they can to reduce their risks.

Early exposure to radiation therapy – Having had radiation treatments to the chest prior to age 30 may raise your risk of developing a tumor later on. This is a double-whammy: survive one cancer (like lymphoma) by going through treatment…and get smacked with breast cancer.

Diethylstilbestrol (DES) – If you were given DES (to reduce chances of miscarriage; no longer prescribed) or your mother took this drug when pregnant with you, it may have increased your breast cancer risk. Again, proof that life isn’t fair.

The risk factors that you have some control over:

Physical activity – Being sedentary is associated with higher risk. If you ever needed a wake-up call to get moving, this is it (and while you’re at it, have your family members join you).

Postmenopausal overweight or obesity – Being an older woman with a higher bodyfat percentage may increase your risk, so menopause is a great time to reevaluate your diet and consider why you’re eating what you’re eating—is it just out of habit? Boredom? Depression?

Hormone replacement therapy – Taking hormones post menopause for more than five years may increase the chances of developing breast cancer (see “Age at first menstruation and menopause” above). So unfortunately, hormone replacement treatment to help with menopausal symptoms may end up working against you.

Pregnancy history – Never having a full-term pregnancy, getting pregnant after age 30 or never breastfeeding may all affect your risk. To be fair, these can be more difficult to control and no one should ever feel guilty about any of them.

Rethink your drink.
(Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash)

Alcohol – Drinking alcohol increases your risk of developing breast cancer. If you are using alcohol as a socially-accepted means of self-medication, consider quitting and using money you’d otherwise spend on drinks to find yourself a good therapist.

There are of course other, perhaps less well-established risk factors, but the above give an idea of the wide variety of different factors involved.

Okay, so what if you can say that you’re in the clear with most of these factors? I certainly did. Based on my lifestyle, I figured that breast cancer was something that I’d never have to worry about.

And I had reason to think this way. According to the National Cancer Institute’s risk calculator, at the time of my diagnosis, I had a 1.3% chance of developing breast cancer within the next five years. That is a very low percentage! And yet, I developed a tumor.

Does that mean the calculator’s answer isn’t meaningful or that risk factors don’t matter? Not at all. It means that your risk percentage is only that, your calculated risk. Everyone would be well-served to live as healthy a life as they can, keeping in mind that having a number of risk factors doesn’t definitively mean that you will get breast cancer.

At the same time, no one should assume that a low risk means you won’t get cancer. It’s still very important to get screened regularly and see your doctor about any lumps that you find, because while you might not be able to prevent breast cancer despite your best efforts, catching your tumor at an early stage provides you with the greastest chances for a positive outcome.

The Stuff after Cancer Treatment: Even When It’s Over, It’s Not Over

(Title image: Photo by Leon Seibert on Unsplash)

I stumbled across an article about another celebrity who has gone through breast cancer treatment. That’s not surprising, given the relatively high percentage of women, in particular, who have been diagnosed or are at heightened risk of the disease.

But this one—about celebrity organizer Clea Shearer (of The Home Edit, a home organizing company/brand/empire)—gave me pause for the specific reason that there was so much cancer-related hardship that continued after she finished her treatment.

In 2022, Clea was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer (“invasive mammary carcinoma”) and underwent the familiar treatments of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy. However, it’s the complications of her double mastectomy that make her story very striking. To date (that is, as of the release of this article in People magazine a few days ago), she has undergone 14 surgeries and may be running out of options for breast reconstruction.

And just when you thought you were almost done…

This is not what anyone expects after they “finish” cancer treatment. In fact, Clea was declared cancer-free in November 2022. But it was clearly not the end of cancer-related effects for her.

I think it’s important for us to consider this when we try to be over-optimistic with cancer survivors. Pushing an upbeat attitude or telling survivors to “just be grateful” glosses over the reality of what they may continue to keep going through.

Yes, of course we are grateful. A cancer diagnosis is terrifying and for those of us who grew up when it was considered practically a death sentence, the idea of having it take your life is hard to get out of your head. In this day and age where social media describes the “condition” as d**th…well, cancer survivors have to meet the possibility head-on, minus the asterisks.

However long a survivor has survived is a cause for celebration and gratitude. But it’s not necessarily the end-of-story, fade-into-the-sunset ending. Clea’s experience is proof of that and I wish her strength and perseverance as she navigates the coming months.

Stories like Clea’s underscore the critical need to treat the whole patient, including offering emotional/mental health support, and not to simply stop the support when the cancer center-based treatment ends. Even when it might seem that treatment is done, it may just be the beginning of a new set of challenges.