I’ve taken a month or so off from posting due to our apartment move, but I should be back next week.
If there’s one thing that this move has taught me is that sometimes the things you fear the most (like change, for example) end up being what you need the most.
In our case, this move has come with so many positives…including a major purging of belongings that has created not only physical space, but also some much-needed headspace.
There is a certain lightness of being that releasing possessions we don’t need or use anymore has brought us.
This is just what I needed coming into Thanksgiving season. Granted there have been some unexpected and painful changes too, but I can be grateful for what we have had and enjoyed thus far.
So if you celebrate Thanksgiving, make sure to take time to consider all the things around you and, regardless of whether they’re good or bad, what they have taught you.
This is going to be short because I’m on the cusp of moving my family to a new apartment…and that’s going to take more work now that one of our cars is finally having its damage repaired.
So this is a gentle reminder to slow down and look around once in a while. Life’s obligations can push us like a bulldozer and we might not notice that we’re worn out until something happens that forces us into a mini-vacation.
And if you need a cancer diagnosis (or a broken bone or the flu or…) to give you a break from the pressures of work and family, then I think we can all agree that your mental health needs more love than you’ve been giving it.
Yes, easier said than done. But there are little breaks you can take. A 10-minute body scan meditation or guided breathing practice. A matcha tea break where you focus on the movements of your hands as they prepare your cup. Staring out the window and counting trees/people/cars.
It doesn’t have to be a pricey spa day. You can have a spa inside your head with a phone app and a set of headphones. You just need to care enough about yourself to allow this.
Believe me, I care about you and I don’t even know you. You are the whole reason why I started this blog and why I keep it going, even eight years after my diagnosis. I hope it helps you remember that you are worth being cared for. ❤
No matter where you are reading this, pause now and take a deep breath.
And exhale.
How did that feel? How you were breathing right before you took that breath? Were you relaxed with deep breaths already? Or was your breathing quick and shallow and that sudden deep inhale felt very different?
For me, my breath is a reflection of my internal state. It’s a compass that points me to what is happening to me, regardless of what is going on around me. Many times, I’m not aware of how I am responding to things around me until I stop to notice my breathing.
Sometimes it takes a number of tries to achieve a deep inhale. Then I realize how shallow my breaths have been. That opens the door for me to consider how I’ve been reacting to things throughout the day. And it also leads to more deeper breaths as I settle down.
If I’m home, I may grab my flute — it is a Native American-style flute of red cedar wood. Holding it in my hands, enjoying the pleasant scent of cedar, playing a few bars of a mournful melody…all that helps to calm and ground me. It demands a controlled lungful of air for a clear tone, an elongated exhale that soothes me.
Did you take a deep breath at the start of this post? If not, try it now. And notice. Notice if it’s easy for your diaphragm to drop and pull in a good lungful of air, or does your body resist, as if something is squeezing your lungs, or your torso is bound tight?
Take several more breaths and allow them to expand your ribcage, coaxing more air in with every inhale and slowly releasing with every exhale. Until, like a balloon that has been stretched, the lungs fill fully, comfortably, easily.
And then just breathe. Allow yourself to stay where you are with whatever is taking place around you and keep breathing. Breathe mindfully for few minutes. Shake off the pressures of the day.
For anyone who’s been wondering, it is true that I did not post last Monday.
There was so much going on at home, including cleaning and prepping for out-of-town guests who were coming in for my eldest child’s university graduation that was taking place over the weekend.
I had so much to do that I knew trying to squeeze out a post would pile on even more pressure on top of what I was already feeling.
At the same time, I have a strong sense of responsibility that keeps me on track with all the things that I need to accomplish. This has been a very good thing that helped me establish a lot of healthy habits.
Can you tell when you’ve got pressure building up? And do you know when to slow down? (Photo by Wim van ‘t Einde on Unsplash)
However, I’ve been mindfully reconsidering some of the rules that I’ve made for myself. Missing last week’s post was an opportunity to gently relax my stringent requirements for consistency, since what I really needed was a break.
It felt good to give myself permission to release at least one responsibility. And as soon as I made the decision to take a break for that one Monday, I realized how much my overworked self deserved that tiny bit of grace.
It also reminded me of going through chemo. Several infusions in, once the terror of unknown side effects had ebbed, I found myself relaxing into my chemo seat, knowing that chemo gave me an excuse to release all my “shoulds”. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted nothing to do with chemo and couldn’t wait for my treatment to finally be done. But there was also that strange relief that at least I could use the infusions as a reason for people to not expect too much of me.
It wasn’t until very recently that someone asked me whether I had been burned-out even before my cancer diagnosis. I realized that I had been under so much stress at work with responsibilities at home too, that all the anxiety associated with that was only relieved by getting cancer.
“Relieved by getting cancer”!!! What a ridiculous statement, and yet so true and telling. Sometimes we barrel forwards carrying so much responsibility (and, yes, guilt) that we don’t stop to question whether there’s a way to do this without driving ourselves into the ground.
And that, my friends, is why I’m forcing myself to stop pausing from time to time to reevaluate whether my expectations for myself are reasonable. No, that doesn’t mean practicing “deleterious self-care” that can be harmful–for the record, eating half a box of donuts in bed while binge-watching an entire season of a Netflix series does not qualify as true “self-care”, no matter what Instagram is trying to get you to believe.
Rather, I’m noticing where I am applying pressure on myself in a way that ultimately may have negative effects. It’s all about finding a healthy balance.
And so, there was no post last Monday. My hope for you is that you also take a break when it’s beneficial for you to do so. Have a great week!
Frantic Shanti 