Tag: Ocular Migraine

All I Want for Christmas is No More Auras

(Title image: Photo by Brian Suh on Unsplash)

This was supposed to be a post for USA residents about how to find some harmony during the Thanksgiving holiday amidst the tensions brought by relatives with strongly differing views of the world. Such disagreements are always a possibility when families get together, but likely even worse this year.

But, no. Instead, I’m sitting here wearing sunglasses in a darkened room as I plink out this post.

Remember those shimmering scythe-shaped mosaics (auras) that I wrote about intruding on my vision some weeks ago? The ones that are associated with ocular migraines, but in my case minus any headache? Well, they’re still happening and with greater frequency.

Depending on which of my healthcare professionals you talk to, they either want to (1) wait and see how things progress or (2) shove me into an MRI tube ASAP.

Trying to keep my sense of humor…

And me? I really want to not be dealing with this issue. After seven years of putting a lot of space between my cancer diagnosis and the present moment, I am getting stressed by the possibility of this being something quite serious. And all I wanted was to enjoy the upcoming holiday season.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here are the details: I’ve now had seven of these episodes in about two months—I’m not even sure when the very first one was. After the last one (which was the second of two last week), I left a message with my ophthalmologist.

However, it was my oncologist who happened to call a few hours later, completely coincidentally, to give me unrelated scan results.

So, since I had him on the line, I told him about the auras. He sounded sad. And you know what? You never want your oncologist to sound sad, especially when they’re usually so good at being neutral when delivering news.

And then my ophthalmologist called back late that afternoon, urging me to see my primary care doctor as soon as possible and also schedule an appointment with her for the next day.

Next day, I snag a morning appointment with my primary care provider, explain the situation and the fact that I have no other symptoms other than the auras. Her take: this is very weird, yes…but it’s a hard sell to get this to qualify for an MRI at this time, even with the frequency. With my consent, she wanted to wait for a little bit and see whether the auras continued.

Or, I guess, until my head exploded or something.

Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place…
(Photo by serjan midili on Unsplash)

When I saw my ophthalmologist that afternoon, she was extremely concerned and incredulous that an MRI wasn’t the first course of action. I could tell that she felt waiting was a bad idea.

But ultimately, she acquiesed to the notion that we’ll wait, although she’s sending a synopsis of her findings to my primary. She instructed me to take excruciatingly detailed notes the next time one of these auras occurs

And if you’re still reading this far down and are convinced that my goose is cooked, maybe it isn’t. Sure this whole experience is stressing me out. But there are far too many confounding variables present to resign myself to the fact that I’ll be getting my head shaved again soon…variables which I might be writing about in a future post…

…or I’ll be talking about my ride in the MRI tube and subsquent diagnosis.

But for now, I’m going to rest my eyes in a darkened room and think of silky fur on a contentedly purring kitten.

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For everyone in the USA, have a wonderful Thankgiving with your lovely families this Thursday…and let’s all try to keep it civil.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds: And Now…My Eyes?

(Title image: Photo by Adam Gonzales on Unsplash)

So one of the hardest things for me about having cancer was losing a sense of security. Suddenly my body was out to get me, without my knowledge, while I was basking in a false sense of security that everything was okay.

Dealing with uncertainty is tough. It made me painfully aware of my own mortality before I was ready for it. It was as if cancer became my midlife crisis.

But it wasn’t just that I had to deal with not having guarantees about my own health (I mean, do we ever really have that?), about cancer not bothering me again. It also brought uncertainty about whether strange feelings in my body meant something.

I got to a point where I was afraid of anything, real or imagined, that I felt in my body. And after doing that for a while and completely exhausting myself, I called it quits and stopped running to the doctor for every little thing.

But now…I’m wondering if I’m kidding myself?

About a week ago, I had a weird thing happen. I was shopping at a market with my daughter. We were almost done when I noticed a funny change in my vision.

This wasn’t what I saw, but the colors were just as bright and vibrant.
(Photo by Randy Bayne on Unsplash)

I started seeing rings, the best way I can describe them is as if they were stained glass rings of vibrant colors, like an OLED screen, kind of like what you might see in a beautiful kaleidoscope. They were noticible, but didn’t take over all of my visual field. And YES, they were freaky. The entire show lasted about 20 minutes and primarily affected my left eye.

Then they faded away.

At that point, I recalled that I had experienced something similar, but without the vibrant colors, a few months ago. Again, I had been at a store and noticed a funny change in my vision, zigzagged lines.

That time it also didn’t last very long. Neither one of these episodes was associated with headaches.

Now we have a situation.

My oncologist always asks about visual disturbances, like seeing things that aren’t there, shadows, headaches, severe loss of balance. As a triple positive breast cancer survivor, I know this is because of possible metastases to the brain.

But instead of calling him last week to tell him what happened, I paused. I had done some research on the internet about these types of phenomena, and it’s quite possible that I’m experiencing ocular (acephalgic) migraines…again, without the headache. I’ll have to see if those rings/zigzags happen again, but at this point, with the amount of upheaval that I’ve experienced over the past few months (including the death of a parent)…and the fact that both times these visual oddities happened in stores with bright overhead lighting, well, let’s just say “brain tumor” doesn’t strike me as the most likely cause.

Yes, yes, yes, I will reach out to my oncologist this week. Probably, maybe. And if I do, I will ask to wait before being required to take another ride in the MRI tube. I’ve learned that at times like this, it is best to take a breath, stay present and wait for more information before proceeding.