Over the last week or so, there have been a number of news articles focused on Catherine, Princess of Wales, who has been talking about life after finishing her cancer treatment.
She is officially in remission from her unspecified cancer, having completed chemotherapy. However, in a conversation on July 2 with hospital patients, staff and volunteers at Colchester Hospital in Essex (in southeast England), the princess noted that there was still more to endure once she was past her cancer treatment.
This is summed up from an article in USA Today (and numerous other outlets):
Wow, this is so relatable! I’m grateful that Kate is discussing life after cancer treatment, especially because she’s a highly public figure.
Many cancer survivors have experiences similar to Kate’s, particularly those, such as breast cancer survivors with hormone-positive cancers, who continue to take “maintenance” medications like tamoxifen and aromatase inhibitors. While many patients expect chemotherapy and radiation to be tough, they are often not prepared for the side effects associated with endocrine treatments that are prescribed to be taken for years after finishing everything else.
Princess Kate breaks with royal protocol in speaking frankly about the struggles following the end of cancer treatment. (Video from TODAY)
But even without endocrine therapy, many cancer survivors are left with long-lasting side effects of varying severity. Some may be truly life-changing. Most of them will prevent a return to “normal” as we used to know it.
That normal, however, is what others may be expecting of you. Or you might expect of yourself. And that’s tough. Kate mentions the importance of reaching out for professional support if it is especially difficult to manage the phase following treatment, and I concur 100%.
Because it’s not simply the side effects…it’s the frustration that we feel with having the side effects linger. Or even the reactions of loved ones who don’t understand why things aren’t back to how they used to be. There is a grieving process associated with the loss of our previous lives that those around us may not appreciate, so I’m glad that Princess Kate is using her position to bring this out into the open.
So, something occurred to me as I was dealing with stress about a work project…and then got news of changes that may require us to quickly move from the place in which we’ve lived for over ten years.
I am experiencing two different textures of anxieties. I’ve heard people discuss chronic and acute anxiety, but I would characterize the way I experience anxiety differently.
The first anxiety may wear you down but won’t require a complete change in your life. Photo by Aiony Haust on Unsplash
The first is anxiety about what may happen or anxiety about what has taken place in the past and I can’t change. That encompasses stressful events that you need to work through, like a job-related project, which requires holding on and managing. It’s more of a chronic type of stress even though it might be time-limited. There are things out of my control or, in the case or what has already taken place, there’s no going back. It doesn’t qualify as life-changing as it may intensify and relax depending on conditions.
The second, however, is anxiety about something that *is* life changing. Those of us who have been handed a cancer diagnosis know what it feels like. It means that the future will look dramatically different from what we expected it be. Other examples are a death of a loved one or losing everything in a natural disaster. A sudden involuntary change in your living situation. This requires letting go and radically recalculating what you’ve become very used to. It can be very difficult to do, especially for those of us who like stability in our lives.
The first anxiety is exhausting. The second is terrifying. Having experienced both, I can definitively state that the first anxiety pales in comparison to the second. In fact, in the face of the second anxiety we may actually let go of the first completely and wonder why it ever bothered us.
The second anxiety is more intense and will alter life as you currently know it. Photo by Ann on Unsplash
At the same time, as terrible as it may be, the second anxiety offers us a perspective and clarity that we would be hard pressed to accept as quickly any other way.
I do not wish either of these anxieties on anyone, but if there’s a bright side to them it’s that the same type of mindfulness practice that helps us deal with the anxiety of the first kind will also help when the expectation-smashing heaviness of the second anxiety hits.
Although you may still wake in the middle of the night, heart racing and wishing things had not changed, a consistent mindfulness meditation practice will provide you with the tools to smooth the jagged edges of rumination and fear, slowing the breathing and with it the heart rate, even in the presence of frightening thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of course, since this is a mindfulness blog in addition to being cancer-related, I cannot resist talking about one of the most effective techniques that I’ve found for calming myself: belly breathing.
Start by simply breathing deeply into the belly, as anxiety often results in shallow breaths. The deeper the inhale, the more air you will have for the exhale – try matching inhales and exhales in length. It won’t happen immediately. Give it time.
Create a breathing cycle and keep going. Establish a breathing practice and stick with it. Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Keep breathing into the belly, fully engaging the diaphragm, allowing it to drop and make space for your lungs.
As you do this, focus on the breath. The uncalm thoughts can still be there, but gently allow them to sit on the sidelines for now. I used to try to completely push them away, but they would bob back up to the surface like a balloon pulled under water, bringing the intensity of my anxiety back with it.
So let them be there…keep one eye on them if necessary but give your breath the main stage.
Once the inhales and exhales have evened out in length, insert a short pause between them. Breathe in … pause … breathe out … pause. Just a little stop to elongate the cycle. Consistently breathing into your belly.
Transition to full box breathing, where the inhales, exhales and pauses are all equal in length. If you get very comfortable doing this, for a little extra, try to make the exhales just a touch longer than the inhales.
Or if it gets tiring, simply try to make your exhales a little bit longer than your inhales and dispense with the pauses altogether.
Maintain this type of soothing, intentional breathing for a few minutes or longer, depending on how your body is responding or what your nervous system needs today.
Truly, you don’t have to do this perfectly or adhere to a specific count. Simply focusing on your breath and slowing your breathing will help immeasureably in making space for your thoughts so that you can back away a bit and survey the scene without feeling claustrophobic, no matter which anxiety you’re dealing with at the moment.
Frantic Shanti 