Breast Cancer Awareness – Frantic Shanti

“Ask Me Anything”: Streaming on Twitch

^{(Title image: Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash)}

Well, I tried a thing…

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I decided to try an “Ask Me Anything” stream on a streaming platform called Twitch.

Twitch is primarily a game streaming platform although there are also art streams, animal streams, science streams and a variety of other worthwhile (and some not-so-worthwhile) streams.

I’ve streamed video games there before—because after cancer, playing horror games in virtual reality is not as scary—so I was familiar with the workings. Additionally, with progressively more younger women getting diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt that it was appropriate to reach out to a younger community.

I wanted to give people a chance to ask questions about the breast cancer experience that they might not feel comfortable asking someone they know who has the disease. This was based on my own experience decades ago; a fellow student was diagnosed, and suddenly I wasn’t sure how to talk to her. I didn’t want to say the “wrong” thing, afraid that I might upset her or otherwise “remind” her about her cancer, as if she had forgotten.

All this was, of course, ridiculous, because she herself was very open about the disease and talked about it to us freely. She’d let us know how it was going, sometimes came to class wearing only a hat on her bald head, never showing any indication that speaking about cancer made her uncomfortable.

The issue wasn’t my friend, it was me, and I honestly didn’t give her as much support as I could have. I probably looked like I was pulling away but the reality was that I just didn’t know how to speak to her for fear of hurting her.

I’m here to answer all those questions that people don’t feel comfortable asking…but want to know the answer to.
(Photo by 愚木混株 cdd20 on Unsplash)

There were questions that I could have engaged her with like, “how sick do you get from chemotherapy”, “what does your treatment plan look like”, “what type of breast cancer do you have”, “what are you looking forward to most when you’re done?”

Additionally, I wondered about things like, “what is the survival rate for your cancer”, that I would have never asked her for fear of really being inappropriate. But I was still curious (keep in mind, this was prior to widespread usage of the World Wide Web/Internet, so I couldn’t google the info).

All of those questions are the ones that I wanted to be available to answer on my stream. If you’ve been reading my blog posts, you probably know a lot about my own situation. I’m not shy about sharing.

But a person with a co-worker who was recently diagnosed, like my younger self, might not want to ask them.

So, I gave the Q&A session a try…to a whopping zero viewers. And that was okay because I wasn’t sure how it would go. I talked almost non-stop about what my breast cancer experience was like. It was cathartic to be sure and I was surprised that I was able to speak for as long as I did. Eventually, my throat started to hurt (water? I’m supposed to drink water?) and I called it a day.

It was also a touch out of my comfort zone. I feel like I need to do something useful with my life and I’m running out of time. This stream is one way to shake myself up at the age of 58 and get used to taking risks again. Ouch.

Just for kicks, I’ll be posting the unedited video that I created from the Q&A session although I admit, it took a bit for me to get going so it’s very stream-of-consciousness. I’m still in the process of uploading it, but will post it once that’s all done.

I’m tentatively planning to do this again next Saturday morning at ~9am PDT, assuming my voice recovers by then. If you’re interested it taking a look, you will be able to access the stream here: https://www.twitch.tv/franticshanti.

In the Midst of “Breast Cancer Pink”, Finding Stillness: A Meditation

As you’re probably aware by now, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For breast cancer patients and recent survivors, seeing all that pink around can be a little stressful.

Yes, it’s important to maintain awareness that 1 out of 8 women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives. Those of us who have already been…well, it would be nice to forget about it once in a while.

One out of 8 is a lot of pink!
(Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash)

So for this post, I want to offer you a very simple meditation. No prep needed.

Pause where you are right now and become still. Right where you are.

Notice how your body feels in the space that you’re inhabiting. What sensations do you feel most strongly?

The expansion and contraction of your ribcage with your breath?

The contact points of your body on the surface where it rests?

Perhaps a pesky little ache somewhere, in your joints, muscles or around an incision?

Tingling in your fingers or toes?

Are you gripping anywhere? If you notice tension somewhere in your body, very very slowly see if you can soften it. It’s okay if it doesn’t release completely – imagine that part becoming heavy and pliable.

And then see what other physical sensations make themselves known to you.

Stay with your body. There might be a lot going on in your mind right now, but that’s “up there” in your head.

Here. Stay down here.
(Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash)

We are down here in your physical being. Feel the stillness that exists here, not agitated by your thoughts. It’s okay if there’s noise in your mind, like if you lived on the floor below a bustling office. All those workers up there, getting their stuff done.

You can hear them, moving about, speaking in muffled tones, keeping busy. That’s all okay. They can be there.

But we’re all hanging out in stillness down below, with distance between what’s going on here and what’s happening elsewhere. We have space.

How does it feel knowing that you have permission to be still? That you don’t need to drop everything and dash upstairs? The thoughts can wait. They’re not going anywhere. You have time.

Eventually, you’ll return to the hustle and bustle up there. But know that you can always take a break, come down into your body and sit in the stillness that is here.

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This October in particular is very busy for me. A big project at work, the holidays around the corner, prepping for guests while our apartment STILL awaits repairs. And then strange guilt that I’m not doing more yoga teaching. It’s a lot to manage in my head, all this piling on of responsibilities.

So that meditation up ^^^ there? Yeah, I needed that. ❤

Where Are You Getting Breast Cancer Info?

Since we are just at the start of October, aka Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought I’d go through some basics about getting information on breast cancer.

Let’s face it, as soon as you suspect that you feel a lump in your breast, feel a lump in your breast, have something funny show up on a mammogram and get called in for an ultrasound, are told that there’s something weird on the ultrasound and you need a biopsy, the biopsy reveals a tumor, as you’re in between any of the above, have a loved one go through this, or ANYTHING like the above really, you’ll have the urge to consult Dr. Google.

BE CAREFUL. When I asked my cancer surgeon about getting more info, she gave me a few websites and told me not to go anywhere else. These included:

National Cancer Institute (NCI)

American Ca ncer Society (ACS)

I was very surprised at the limited number of websites she suggested, but the reasoning made sense. You want to be sure that the information you’re receiving is accurate, up-to-date and vetted by cancer professionals. Both NCI and ACS can provide you with references to clinical studies to back up their information.

This was in 2017. I expect that you can find additional reliable resources now. However, as I discovered when I was looking up other sites, the Internet moves fast and what was once a good source may now be a broken link.

I want to stress: My blog should not be used as a source for making treatment decisions. I mean that with all my heart. I started my blog to relate my own experiences and research in the hopes of being able to provide the view of a cancer patient/survivor about what it’s like to go through a cancer journey.

I had been frustrated by not having an idea of what a lumpectomy looks like, no month-by-month photos of the process of hair regrowth, no good rundown of what to expect during my first chemo infusion, not understanding what that ‘chemo port’ thing was, having my medical team draw a blank when I asked why I had no body odor…and so many more things. So I decided to post photos and write about them in short, to-the-point posts.

But everyone’s experience is different. We have different backgrounds, different lifestyles, varying levels of risk factors and therefore different cancer journeys. The best resource that you have is your medical team. Make sure that you feel comfortable with them, get a second opinion if your treatment options seem inappropriate and definitely change doctors if you feel that yours do not listen to your needs.

Even though there are many complementary treatments you can try (I personally benefitted from meditation and exercise), do not use them as alternatives. Your best bet for survival remains conventional medicine.

Please seek out the resources offered by your cancer center. If you need someone to talk to, consult with whatever mental health support is available–this was also invaluable to me. This is not something you should feel you need to “tough it through”. You don’t have to prove anything. Just showing up for your treatments shows your strengh. Same thing goes for those providing care for you during this time, which can more more emotionally taxing than many are willing to admit. Look into support groups for both patients and caregivers.

Understand that you did nothing wrong. You didn’t deserve this.

And everything that I suggested above? Yes, check with your medical team even about my recommendations. The list of sites may very well have expanded by now but my admonishment to watch your step where your get your information for making decisions remains. Please, you are worth it.

As you navigate the experience that is cancer, whether your own or of someone you care about, please know that I am rooting for you, thinking about you and can’t wait to see you on the other side! ❤

Don’t Overpink It

If you have been living under a rock or have pink color blindness, it probably hasn’t escaped your notice that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

I know I shouldn’t disparage the color pink (after all, my hair is currently pink), but there is a downside to all of this “pinking.” Actually there are two.

Awareness is important, but has the inundation of pink made the month lose it’s meaning?

First, after some point, there’s so much pink that it starts becoming meaningless. Whereas it used to be loads of fun for pre-adolescent boys to go around with “save the boobies” t-shirts in the name of cancer awareness, and then make a social media stink about it when their school sends them home to change, I’m not really seeing that kind of enthusiasm anymore. Kind of like when something that was cool and forbidden becomes legal…it loses its luster.

Which is not to say that breast-saving have gone out of style. A quick search of local events in my area does result in a number of fund-raising events. After all, we are still being diagnosed with breast cancer and in ever-greater numbers. But maybe it’s because of the pandemic, maybe it’s because of my current state of mind, I’m not hearing much about spreading the word of breast cancer prevention (not simply screenings) anymore.

But there’s another part of the pinkness that I’ve struggled with. And that’s the pink everything around this time of the year. I mean, if we want people to be aware, I guess they’re aware. But those of us who have lived the diagnosis may need to turn our awareness elsewhere.

That may sound ungrateful of me because all that awareness has translated into dollars for research, potentially at the expense of other cancers. And even though I will tout breast cancer awareness at this time of the year, it also stings.

I’ve lost friends to breast cancer. And I lost a year to breast cancer treatment, not to mention a good amount of my direction in life. Yes, I’m recalibrating, but no, things are not back to “normal”. Cancer still means people and things that are gone and will not return.

Consider taking your breast cancer friend out for coffee…with no pink in sight.

At times all this pink feels like loud cheerleaders shaking pink pom-poms in my face. And for many cancer patients and survivors, being constantly reminded that it’s BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH can be overwhelming. We may need to ground ourselves in where we are right now, being present and grateful for each minute and away from all the pink noise.

So I agree that with 1 in 8 women being diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives, and the mortality rate still unacceptably high, it’s definitely important to spread the word about risk factors and urge that women do the oh-so-critical self-exams and not forgo screenings.

But it’s also a great opportunity to reach out to a friend or relative who’s a patient or survivor and offer to take them out for coffee or a walk…and let them forget what month it is.