Tag: Anticipation

The Bliss of Non-Attachment

(Title image: Photo by PaaZ PG on Unsplash)

So, I have a silly little story about non-attachment.

During Memorial Day weekend, I placed an order with a Maine mushroom company humorously called North Spore. [Note: I am not affiliated with them in any way other than as a customer.]

I ordered two bags of drinking chocolate with functional mushrooms added. While I usually prefer my cacao unsweetened, I was willing to try this as it was a more economical purchase than the orders that I’d placed for “ceremonial grade” cacao. Additionally, I love mushrooms so I considered it a special treat.

I had had several stressful months with no significant break coming up, so I was really looking forward to receiving my package and its delicious contents—a little respite from the tumult that was my life. The package was scheduled to arrive on Saturday, June 7th and you can bet I was tracking its transit via the US Postal Service’s phone app. No matter what kind of a day Saturday turned out to be, I was already imagining enjoying a nice warm cup that evening, making things better in some small way.

Maybe you can see where I’m going with this? I was invested.

Saturday arrived…I received the delivery text…I ran out to our complex’s mailroom. But there was nothing in my mailbox. No package, no key to the larger package holding box, nothing. I groped around inside my mailbox, hoping that maybe I was just blind and the key was actually there. But no.

Frustration!

NOOOOOO!

And it was at that moment, as I was simultaneously (silently) cursing our mail carrier—who has mixed up mailboxes before—and praying that the key had ended up in the box of an honest neighbor, that I was hit square in the face by the suffering that attachment brings.

I had set up an expectation (honestly, a reasonable one), felt into it very deeply, and experienced that ache of having to rip myself away from it when things went in a different direction.

Had I been able to practice non-attachment, I would have taken this in stride. After all, the package was clearly misdelivered and may still show up, and if not, a trip to the post office would follow since I had a tracking number and the shipment was insured. It would have been easier to shake off disappointment because I would not have built up such strong expectations and hung so much on receiving my hot cocoa.

But alas, I am very much an imperfect human being who did a very natural thing in anticipating the arrival of my package, along with expecting the USPS not to louse it up. So after fuming and agonizing over the “unfairness of it all”, I decided to sit with all of this for a while: acknowledging that it made sense for me to look forward to receiving something to brighten my week along with the importance of not beating myself up for doing so; but also cajoling myself into releasing my grip on what I had so wanted as the outcome in addition to stepping back and getting perspective on the situation.

And then I felt better, like a big chunk of tension had been released. It’s not easy being human sometimes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I realize that not getting a shipment of drinking chocolate is not a devastating outcome, and yet, even something so relatively insignificant felt like a big letdown in the face of expectation. So then, what about a potentially life-changing outcome? The effect could be brutal enough to upset one’s established foundation. It underscores the clinginess of attachment and when possible why we should strive to soften our need to have things be a certain way.

Today I’m Looking Forward To…

(Title image: FranticShanti)

Here’s a slightly different type of gratitude practice. It’s a nice little way to bring more joy into your life.

Instead of looking for things to be grateful for, try simply thinking of things that you might be looking forward to.

They don’t have to be big productions like an expensive vacation or some sort of exclusive party. This works just as well, perhaps even better, with something small.

Grab a pen and a sticky note and start looking forward to the little things.
(Photo by Ravi Palwe on Unsplash)

How small? How about receiving a new calendar you ordered that has pictures you find particularly soothing? Or maybe going to a museum that you haven’t visited in a while. Or visiting a local garden shop just to browse and take in the glorious colors.

Clean out your coffee maker and look forward to having tomorrow’s coffee brew in a clean machine.

Or look forward to getting into bed in the evening and stretching out comfortably.

Consider the things you could potentially look forward to…get granular about it…and try to see what the smallest thing might be that you could look forward to enjoying.

There’s a lot of good stuff in between those pickets.
(Photo by Brad Switzer on Unsplash)

The “grandness” of the thing doesn’t matter—what matters is how you feel about it. And perhaps, at first thought, you consider it insignificant, but when you lean into it, you realize that it truly is something that brings you joy.

The more of these little things we can find, the more we realize that little bits of joy are scattered throughout our lives. And once we become aware of one, we might start noticing them everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking from personal experience, I find it very easy to become overwhelmed with the negatives in my life. There are times when it seems like all the difficulties come crashing down at once, at the worst possible moment.

However, it is worth shifting our focus and noticing the things that aren’t going wrong. It’s as if you are looking at a picket fence. The fence itself might be the negatives and they’re hard to miss—after all, they’re right in front of you.

But if you look through the posts of the fence, into the space between, that’s where you see everything “not wrong”. And you might find that, in fact, there is more “not wrong” space than there is picket fence.

So I encourage you to take some time when things get difficult to look through the fence and find your little joys to look forward to. Focus on them, write them on a sticky note and put the note somewhere where you’ll see it in the morning.

And then smile.

I have my note ready…